Saturday, January 24, 2009

Former French President Jacques Chirac Attacked by Angry, uh. . . Tiny Dog

Former French president Jacques Chirac reminded the world why everyone makes fun of French people when he was taken to the hospital after being attacked by his Maltese, a tiny white breed of dog that doesn't get bigger than 5 - 6 pounds. (That's a file photo of the victim and perp, not a post-attack photo.)

The Chirac family says the dog, Sumo, is clinically depressed, and is prone to "frenzied fits." The dog is being treated with anti-depressants.

Over the last several years, the dog has become increasingly violent, and belligerent. The dog has reportedly been seen in the company of Paris Hilton's dog at clubs, or spending time with its disreputable friends. According to reports, this latest attack was unprovoked.

In a story in the London Daily Mail, Mrs. Chirac said, "The dog went for him for no apparent reason. We were already aware the animal was unpredictable and is actually being treated with pills for depression."


"My husband was bitten quite badly, but he is certain to make a full recovery over the coming weeks."
Full recovery? You make it sound like he received dozens of stitches, had a limb reattached, and will be in physical therapy for months. It's a freakin' tiny dog. One of the tiniest, most yippiest dogs in the entire world.

I know this, because we have one.

Mrs. Chirac declined to say where Mr. President was bitten. Although these dogs are so small, they can barely get a finger in their mouth, so I'm not too worried about President Chirac's injury.

His masculinity, on the other hand, is up for international debate.

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