Friday, February 13, 2009

Getting Ready for Valentine's Date

Getting Ready for Valentine's Date

Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2009

"Has anyone seen my socks?"

"No, Sweetie, not my gym socks. My green ones."

"Eww, put those down."

"Not on me!"

"Because they're stinky."

"They're gym socks. They're supposed to be stinky."

"Yeah, Mommy doesn't believe that either."

"Just put them down."

"Not on Mommy's pillow."

"Because she'd be mad."

"Think of it this way: How would you feel if your brother put his socks on your pillow?"

"Now imagine what you would do if you could punish him for it."

"That's better."

"No, you can't lock your brother in the closet."

"Because you can't punish him for anything."

"Not even if he took Bob the Donkey."

"Buddy, you can come out of there."

"She did not lock you in the closet."

"Because it's a sliding closet. You can't lock it."

"Buddy, have you seen my green socks?"

"Thank you. What were you doing with them?"

"You can't play elephant with my socks."

"Because I need them tonight. I'm trying to get dressed."

"I'm going out with Mommy."

"We're going to dinner."


"Because we need some time without—I mean, Grandma and Grandpa wanted to spend some time with you."

"Sure, you can watch TV with them."

"I don't know, do they like SpongeBob?"

"Wow, 'tolerate' is a pretty big word for you, Buddy. Where'd you hear it?"

"And Grandpa said that about SpongeBob?"

"That means he'll watch it with you then. Just don't tell him I said so."

"Because I don't know how much he can tolerate."

"Just look cute, and he'll let you watch it."

"Now, can you give me my socks please?"

"We're going to a restaurant."

"A nice restaurant."

"For Valentine's Day."

"That's not a family holiday."

"It's a mommy and daddy holiday."

"Because we don't get our own day to ourselves. Mommy and Daddy need a day just for them sometimes."

"Every day is kid's day."

"No, we won't bring you back a kid's meal."

"Because it's not that kind of restaurant."

"No, we're not going to McDonald's."

"Not Wendy's either."

"You've never heard of it."

"Because we've never taken you."

"Because we want to be allowed to go back."

"What? I was just teasing them."

"Oh, they know I'm kidding."

"Now cut that out! Put that lip away."

"Tell Mommy you knew I was kidding."

"Okay, we'll bring you a treat."

"No, I'm not going to tell you."

"Because it wouldn't be a surprise."

"What? We'll just bring them a small one."

"No, I'm not going to tell you either."

"Yes, I still want to go out."

"Kids, go clean your room. Mommy and I need to talk."

"Then clean it again."

"Well, I figured we'd get them a little treat from the store on the way back. Maybe some of those Necco candy hearts. Just a few -- hold on ."

"A-ha! I thought you were listening at the door."

"Sneaky children don't get treats."

"All right, all right, we'll get you some candy hearts. Now go do something useful."

"Then clean it again."

"Buddy, wait. I still need my socks."

"Please don't play elephant with my socks."

"Because elephants don't have green trunks. They have grey trunks. Do you know why they have grey trunks?"

"Because they don't have glove compartments."

"What? That was a funny joke."

"My dad."

"I was six at the time. I thought it was hysterical."

"Hey, I've got another one. What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?"

"Fine. Just let me get my socks on."

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