Wednesday, April 01, 2009

How to Keep Your Baby Warm and Humiliated

When I was a baby, I was just sort of carted around, passed off from adult to adult, like a cardboard box that pooped.

When we had kids, we took a cue from our parents, and carefully held our children, but didn't get too creepy or weird with any equipment we used.

Not so the makers of Peekaru.

For the family who isn't ridiculous already. The helicopter parents who haven't stopped at the Breastfeeding Simulator for Men (I wish to God that wasn't real), you can now stick your kid inside a Snuggie for babies.

You put on this big pouch, and stick your baby's face through it, like he's Kuato, that creepy symbiote from Total Recall. (I wish this one was an April Fool's joke, but it isn't.)

My wife says it looks like a talking belly button.

Even if we had infants, I'd use what hundreds and thousands of generations of parents used before this baby dork-cessory: wrap the kid in a friggin' blanket, and save yourself the embarrassment and your kid thousands of dollars in counseling.

And if you're a man, and your wife asks you to wear one of these things, for God's sake, refuse as a service to men everywhere. Grow a new pair, since you already gave yours to your wife.

I think you left them in the Daddy-Breastfeeding sling.

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2 comments:

  1. I dunno, I'd give anything to be there when a person under the influence of alcohol or other chemicals bumps into her on the street.

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