Friday, July 24, 2009

Road Trip with the Family

Road Trip with the Family

Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk syndicate
Copyright 2009

"No, we're not there yet, Buddy."

"We still have 128 miles to go."

"Five minutes after the last time you asked me."

"But you just went when we stopped. We stopped, what, 30 minutes ago? You can't have to go again, can you?"

"What do you mean you didn't go then? Why didn't you go then?"

"I don't care if you didn't have to go. You need to go when we all stop, not when you have to."

"No, I'm not going to stop. You can just hold it for 30 more minutes."

"What? She's not going to wet her pants."

"Because she's eight. She's got better control than that."

"She didn't have that much to drink, did she?"

"I don't now, I thought you gave her a drink."

"Honey, did you drink any water before we left?"

"Good. Then we don't need to stop yet. Hold it for 30 more minutes."

"What do you mean? She'll be able to hold it. Honey, can you hold it?"

"All right, all right, I'll find a place. Look, there's a McDonald's up there. We can get lunch while we stop."

"No, we're not going to Burger King."

"No, we're not getting pizza."

"Because we had pizza last night."

"I know, I like pizza too, but Mommy doesn't like to eat pizza two days in a row."

"I'm not blaming you. You just don't like to eat anything two days in a row."

"Listen kids, we're going to be at Grandma's in a few hours. We don't need a huge lunch. Just a small sandwich. We'll eat in the car."

"I don't care, we're not getting Burger King."

"No, we're having pizza tonight for dinner."

"I told you that."

"No, I distinctly remember telling you two days ago that we were having pizza tonight at my mom's. That's why I couldn't understand why you wanted pizza last night for dinner."

"Well, of course I didn't say anything. I don't mind having pizza more than once."

"Yes, Buddy, we'll have pepperoni on it."

"Yes, Honey, we'll have sausage on it."

"No, Sweetie, we're not having pineapple on it."

"Because it's unnatural and weird."

"I didn't say she's unnatural and weird, I said that about pineapple. Sweetie, did you think I said you were unnatural and weird?"

"See?"

"No, you're immature."

"Here we are. I want all of you kids to go to the bathroom. We need to be in and out in 10 minutes."

"I don't care if you don't have to go. We're not stopping again until we get to Grandma's. I'll get the food and we'll meet back in the car."

"We're not getting any apple pies."

"No shakes either. We're getting hamburgers, and that's it."

"Okay, and some fries. But that's it."

"Okay, and drinks too. But nothing more."

"Is everyone buckled? Did everyone go?"

"Great. Next stop Grandma's house."

"Now we're 123 miles away."

"It's been 20 minutes since you last asked me."

"Yes, Sweetie, I know we should have gotten a lot farther than five miles in 20 minutes, but we just took a little break because your sister had to use the bathroom."

"Hey, hey, stop it! Both of you knock it off. It's nobody's fault we had to stop, okay? Now just— stop sticking your tongues out!"

"All of you, knock it off. Just be quiet and eat your hamburgers."

"I swear, if I have to stop this car, there's going to be trouble."

"What? I absolutely would stop this car."

"Oh, ha ha. That's not true."

"There are plenty of things more important than our arrival time."

"No, I just want to get there sooner, so I don't have to listen to the ids-kay and their amn-day oise-nay."

"No, Sweetie, I didn't know you knew Pig Latin."

"No, you can't say that word. Not even in Pig Latin."

"Listen, we'll get there when we get there, so please stop asking. It doesn't go any faster if you ask over and over every two minutes."

"What? I'm not speeding, I'm just trying to get there sooner."

"Fine, I'll be careful. I just don't want to get there too late."

"Just because. Hey, there's another McDonald's a couple miles ahead."

"No, I didn't forget any of our lunch."

"No, we don't need anything else."

"Because I forgot to go to the bathroom."


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