From Lisa Nova: "Affirmation Girl's Worst Break Up Ever"
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Sunday, May 31, 2009
Phone it In Sunday: Affirmation Girl's Worst Break Up Ever
Saturday, May 30, 2009
National American U Sues Porn Site Naughty American U, Citing Trademark Confusion
National American University, a leader in adult education, is gearing up for a legal battle royale against Naughty American University, a leader in adult entertainment.
According to a story in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, National American is suing Naughty American for trademark violations and cyber piracy for using the name Naughty American University and "NAU."
Diorah, Inc., the organization that operates National American, filed the suit in federal court in Rapid City, South Dakota, where they're located. La Touraine, Inc., the defendant, is registered in Nevada, but has a San Diego business address.
Diorah wants to stop Naughty American to stop using the school's trademark, and is seeking financial damages. Or at least a date with a couple of the models.
According to the lawsuit, National American has spent millions of dollars promoting its name. But La Touraine registered its domain name and started offering its educational content.
Diorah says both names are "nearly identical in sight, sound and commercial impression" to National American University and the NAU abbreviation.
The funniest part of the whole article:Besides making money off the names, La Touraine's use of them likely creates confusion among students, potential students, alumni and parents, and causes people not to seek the school's education services, it claims.
Sort of makes me worried for my own alma mater, Ball State University.
"These activities are likely to cause consumer confusion and harm Plaintiff's goodwill established in its National American University and NAU trademarks," it states.
While I understand Diorah's concern, I don't see how this is going to cause confusion for anyone. A general rule of thumb is if you go to your college's website, but you see a bunch of naked women doing God knows what, you're probably at the wrong website. Google the correct address and try again.
Although I'm sure a lot of prospective male students will end up spending hours supposedly trying to figure out how to download the financial aid forms.
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Friday, May 29, 2009
Curling is Harder Than It Looks
Curling Is Harder Than It Looks
Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2009
Several weeks ago, I had the chance to fill a years-long dream I've had: I got to go curling. I joined the Circle City Curling Club on their last practice of the season.
Regular readers may know my fascination with this winter sport, the game that involves sliding very heavy — 42 pounds — rocks down a narrow strip of ice, trying to make your rock land inside a big circle while knocking other rocks out of it.
Jeff Heck and Daniel Louks of the CCCC were kind enough to show me how the game is played, and loaned me a broom so I could try it out.
In curling, you slide your rocks down the Sheet, which is 145 feet long, so they come to rest in the House, the large target at either end. Each player slides two stones per End (round), while two others sweep the ice in front of the sliding stone, to make sure it doesn't pick up any dirt.
It's like marbles for giants.
Curling on TV looks easy. The athletes slide gracefully on one knee, delivering stones from the Hack. Sweepers scrub the ice in front of the stone, bring it to rest, with microscopic accuracy, on the very spot the Skip (captain) pointed out.
Turns out I really suck at it.
Before we started, Daniel had me try a couple practice shots. I learned the whole balancing on the ice on one foot while dragging the other is much harder than it looks. At one point I was doing five different things just for the delivery, none of which included sliding the stone.
My first stone rocketed out of my hands and came to rest 15 feet away from the House. The one I had started from.
"Push it a little harder this time," Daniel urged politely. Curling is the most polite game I have ever seen. Chess matches are violent bloodbaths compared to this sport.
For example, at the beginning of each game, everyone shakes hands and wishes each other "good curling." A member of the opposing team will retrieve their opponent's stone for them, and place it near the hack. And they congratulate each other on good deliveries. Very polite indeed.
I heaved back, did four of the five things I needed to maintain my balance, fell anyway, and delivered the stone more than two-thirds of the way down this time.
"Excellent, let's start," said Daniel.
Since we didn't have enough players for a full match, and this was just for fun, another woman and I were full-time sweepers for both teams. I slid my stones, and then took over sweeping duties. Because this was a game of politeness and fair play, we tried equally hard for both teams.
For those of you who think this is an easy game, it's not. You really get a workout doing it. Imagine being hunched over, running sideways, and furiously scrubbing a six inch strip in your garage down and back five times with a small broom. That's how far one delivery is, about 90 feet.
Now, do that four or six times. That's your workload in one End. As a full-time sweeper, I did that 14 times per End, and we played three Ends. By the time I was finished, my shoulders and back were on fire, and I hurt for two days afterward.
My sweeping was actually pretty good, but my deliveries were, well, awful. I was finally getting the distance, but my throws ended up sliding off the Sheet completely. If the goal was to deliver a stone to the House, mine were ending up in the neighbor's front yard.
On my last shot of the night, I tried something new. Since my shots were always hooking to the left, I aimed at a spot well off to the right: the House on the Sheet next to us.
The sweepers scrubbed furiously, Daniel the Skip shouting like mad — "SWEEP! SWEEEEEEEP!!" — and bam! It barely made it inside the farthest ring of the House. But it was there.
"You got it!" hollered Daniel, standing next to my 42 pounds of granite victory. I grabbed my digital camera and literally ran down the ice to take a photo of what will probably be the last stone I ever throw.
I've now achieved my latest dream. I have curled. I have thrown the Scottish stone and brought it home.
My new dream is to ride in a two-seater Indy Car around the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. With $1,000 in my pocket.
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Thursday, May 28, 2009
PETA Boycotts Canadian Maple Syrup to Protest Seal Clubbing
PETA, still unclear on the concept of, well, everything, launched a boycott of Canadian maple syrup at the Vermont Statehouse to help stop the slaughter of baby seals in Canada. They are also launching similar protests in Maine and New York.
Because as everyone knows, Canadian maple syrup is harvested by baby seals in Vermont, Maine, and New York.
According to PETA, more than 300,000 baby seals are clubbed to death for their fur and other products. They plan on continuing the "Stop the Seal Slaughter" campaign until the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, Canada. . . clear on the other side of the continent and in a whole other country.
Future protests involve boycotting French truffles in the Netherlands to protest the harvesting of Norwegian herring.
According to a story in the Rutland (Vermont) Herald, a PETA member was going to whack a six-foot bottle of maple syrup with a hakapik, the weapon used to kill baby seals. The bottle would have a label with a maple leaf dripping blood, with the tagline, "Stop the Seal Slaughter."
Other demonstrators held signs that said, "Buy American: Boycott Canadian Maple Syrup."
"Canada has ignored calls from around the world to stop the seal slaughter, but we're hoping that a plunge in maple syrup sales might get the government's attention," said Tracy Reiman, executive vice president of PETA. "We want consumers to buy only American maple syrup because there's nothing 'sweet' about a country that condones the largest annual massacre of marine mammals on the planet."
A plunge in maple syrup sales? Really, a whole plunge? Man, someone thinks pretty highly of themselves. Look, you're PETA. You're not the UAW, a Political Action Committee, or the KISS Army. The only thing you're going to plunge is a toilet.
Given PETA's past success at their attention-whorish campaigns and self-serving boycotts, I'm guessing this will be one of the Canadian maple syrup industries best years yet.
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Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Newton Mass. Schools Suspend Cafeteria Worker for Substituting Meals
The Newton, Mass. School Committee won't back down from their position on student torture, after refusing to reconsider a policy that led to the suspension of a lunch lady who offered substitute entrees to kids who didn't like the veggie burgers they were serving.
According to a story in the Boston Globe, the board probably won't reconsider the policy, despite the uproar following Kathleen Cunningham's suspension.
Cunningham, a food services manager at Angier Elementary School, was suspended for giving substitution meals, because the kids refused to eat the veggie burgers, citing the the UN Convention Against Torture.
Newton officials said students couldn't change meals, because their parents had pre-ordered them. However, Cunningham said the school had received a delivery of veggie burgers, not the grilled cheese sandwiches the parents had ordered.
“It’s not a school committee policy, and it certainly doesn’t rise to the level of School Committee policy,” Laredo told the Boston Globe. “It’s a food service policy.”
“I do not expect that this particular policy is going to come before the School Committee,” Laredo added. “This is a food service procedure, period. My understanding is that the food service department provides lunches to elementary-school children based on their parents’ choices, and the school food service department respects those choices.”
If that's your understanding, you need to go back and look all the facts. It sounds like the school's food service provider screwed up, and Kathleen Cunningham was trying to keep kids fed and happy by trying to make the best of a bad situation. Instead, she was punished for showing initiative and actually trying to be helpful.
“If you start freely substituting meals at the elementary level, you may not have enough for everybody else, or you’re wasting food,” Laredo said.
Ooh, and anarchy and chaos will ensue if you just start "freely substituting" meals. You make it sound like a Bacchanalian free-for-all, when all Cunningham did was keep the kids from going hungry.
She didn't deserve to be suspended in the first place, considering 1) the school would have violated its own rules by serving food the parents didn't order, and 2) veggie burgers are heinous and nasty.
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Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Oxford Poetry Professors Resigns Poetry Chair After Smear Campaign
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm not a University of Oxford Professor of Poetry
And neither are you.
Ruth Padel, the University of Oxford's Professor of Poetry resigned nine days after taking the position, after emailing journalists about sexual harassment claims against Nobel laureate Derek Walcott, her competition for the post.
In other news, there are journalists who cover poetry.
Padel, 63, admitted that she had emailed the journalists about decades-old sexual harassment claims against Walcott
According to the (London) Daily Times, Padel said, "I genuinely believe that I did nothing intentional that led to Derek Walcott’s withdrawal from the election. I wish he had not pulled out."
Feminist deconstructionist poetry critics then decried her use of a male-oriented double entendre.
"I did not engage in a smear campaign against him but, as a result of student concern, I naively — and with hindsight unwisely — passed on to two journalists, whom I believed to be covering the whole election responsibly, information that was already in the public domain," Padel said, without rhyming a single word.
In other news, there are journalists who cover elections to poetry professorships.
If she was really concerned about the students, she should have made her concerns known to administrators after the election, not to journalists beforehand.
Walcott dropped out of the race after information about sexual harassment allegations made about Walcott in 1982 — 27 years ago — was mailed cowardly anonymously to more than 100 Oxford professors.
Padel denied being a part of that cowardly act, but did admit to the other cowardly act of emailing journalists about him. "Some supporters add that what he does for students can be found in a book called The Lecherous Professor, reporting one of his two recorded cases of sexual harassment and that Obama is rumoured to have turned him down for his inauguration poem because of the sexual record. But I don’t think that’s fair." said Patel's email.
Professor A.C. Grayling, a former supporter of Padel's, will make a formal complaint to Oxford administrators.
"The professorship is a very serious thing. This is dirty tricks and character assassination," he told the Times, also without rhyming. "I didn’t think Ruth would win against Walcott. When he withdrew, I thought it was absolutely wrong and there was no way that the Oxford professorship should be run on this business of sexual harassment — it should be run on the merits of the poetry."
In other news, merits of poetry now considered a viable job skill. Thousands of McDonald's cashiers rejoice.
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Monday, May 25, 2009
Verizon Agrees to Help Police Save Man's Life if They Pay His Phone Bill
"Can you kill me now? Good."
The Carroll County sheriff's department was able to save the life of a 62-year-old Carrollton, Ohio man, but only after they agreed to pay his phone bill.
According to a story in the New Philadelphia (Ohio) Times-Reporter, the unidentified man was lost after fleeing the scene of a domestic disturbance and taking several bottles of pills.
Deputies were concerned the man may have tried to harm himself, so they called Verizon to see if they could locate the man through his Verizon cell phone and a nearby cell tower.
Sure thing, said Verizon Customer Service, you just need to pay his bill first.
It turns out the guy was behind on his cell phone bill, and they had shut off his phone service. The only way the Verizon operator would activate his phone, and thus possibly save his life, was if the sheriff's department agreed to pay the guy's bill.
After some haggling, Sheriff Dale Williams agreed to pay $20 on the phone bill, which would get Verizon to activate the line.
However, deputies found the victim just as Williams was preparing to make payment arrangements.
Hopefully Williams shouted "Found him. Suck on that, Verizon!" before slamming the phone down.
"I was more concerned for the person’s life," Williams told the Times-Reporter. "It would have been nice if Verizon would have turned on his phone for five or 10 minutes, just long enough to try and find the guy. But they would only turn it on if we agreed to pay $20 of the unpaid bill. Ridiculous."
Williams said he believed the man's condition was serious. Way to go, Verizon, profits before people.
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Sunday, May 24, 2009
Reflections of a New Indianapolis 500 Blogger
It just hit me: I was a very small part of Indianapolis 500 history today. I was one of eight bloggers invited to blog about the race from the Media Center. This year was the very first year the Indianapolis Motor Speedway invited bloggers to report on the race. And it was a great honor.
Many companies and sporting events/teams still turn up their nose at bloggers, seeing us as a nuisance at best, and a bunch of autograph-seeking fan boys (and girls). But the IMS decided to give us a try, and I was one of the lucky eight. I was also the only non-racing blogger invited, which makes me very pleased to have my writing and abilities recognized. It makes the honor that much sweeter.
To say this has been a thrill is an understatement. I've always been a passing fan of the Indianapolis 500 — sort of like the guy who goes to church at Easter, but doesn't go any other time of the year — but this year has turned me into a real fan of IndyCar racing, including the Indy Lights series. I plan on watching a lot more races and/or listening to them online.
I grew up in Muncie, Indiana, just 45 minutes northeast of Indianapolis. If you grew up in the Indianapolis television market, you didn't get to see the race because of regional blackout rules. So we had to hear the race on the radio.
After listening to the 500 for 35 of my 41 years, I had created a picture in my head of what the race looked like. The course had a certain look and feel, the cars and pits looked a certain way. It was like reading a book and imagining what everyone looked like.
On race day, we would work out in the yard, getting burned to a crisp, listening to A.J. Foyt, Rick Mears, and, of course, Mario Andretti. Announcers like Tom Carnegie and Howdy Bell were the voices I associated with the race. Speeds were slower when I was a kid, so the race would take a good four hours.
When I was 23 and living in Illinois — I was actually at my mom's house, helping in the yard that day too — I had the chance to see the race on TV. I watched for five minutes, decided it didn't match up to the pictures in my head, and shut the race off for the next 17 years, only listening on the radio (even when I lived in Syracuse, Indiana, outside the blackout area). I finally watched my first 500 last year when I was visiting my in-laws in Syracuse. I had to reconcile my pictures with what the TV was showing, but I managed.
But because I only listened to the 500, there was so much I didn't know about racing. So when I got my invitation, I had to learn as much as I could, which meant asking a lot of stupid questions that anyone else who even lived near Indianapolis should have known the answers to.
Here are a few of the most important things I've learned:
Who knows whether we'll be back here or not. The other bloggers I spoke with — Michele-Marie Beer, OpenWheelWorld.net, Jeff Iannucci, My Name is IRL, and William Zahren, PressDog.com — were all very careful not to make our hosts regret inviting us. As far as we can tell, they were happy with us, and so we're hoping to be back next year.
And I know if I get the call, I'll be the first one at the gate.
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Unofficial Finish Results to Indianapolis 500
Unofficial finish results to Indianapolis 500
This assumes all the cars pass technical inspection. (That's Helio and his crew doing Indy's version of the Lambeau Leap after winning his 3rd Indianapolis 500.)
Finish..........Driver..........Laps
1..........Helio Castroneves..........200
2..........Dan Wheldon..........200
3..........Danica Patrick..........200
4..........Townsend Bell..........200
5..........Will Power..........200
6..........Scott Dixon..........200
7..........Dario Franchitti..........200
8..........Ed Carpenter..........200
9..........Paul Tracy..........200
10..........Hideki Mutoh..........200
11..........Alex Tagliani.......... 200
12..........Tomas Scheckter.......... 200
13..........Alex Lloyd.......... 200
14..........Scott Sharp.......... 200
15..........Ryan Briscoe.......... 200
16..........AJ Foyt IV.......... 200
17..........Sarah Fisher.......... 200
18..........Mike Conway.......... 200
19..........John Andretti.......... 200
20..........Milka Duno..........199
21..........Vitor Meira..........173
22..........Raphael Matos..........173
23..........Justin Wilson..........160
24..........E.J. Viso..........139
25..........Nelson Philippe..........130
26..........Oriol Servia..........98
27..........Tony Kanaan..........97
28..........Robert Doornbos..........85
29..........Davey Hamilton..........79
30..........Marco Andretti..........56
31..........Graham Rahal..........55
32..........Ryan Hunter-Reay..........19
33..........Mario Moraes..........0
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Vitor Meira, Raphael Matos Make Contact, Crash
Raphael Matos and Vitor "Dances With Fire" Meira have knocked wheels, demonstrating why open wheel racing can be quite dangerous.
The two were driving along the front straightaway, buzzed wheels, and hit the wall in Turn #1. Meira's car was actually scooting along its side, backward, with the bottom of the car scraping the wall.
This looks worse than the other crashes, as the ambulance is on the way, and Matos is not getting out of his car immediately. On the track feed, we can see Matos staggering to the ambulance, so he seems to be okay. Meira is out of the car, and the Delphi Safety Crew has him on the stretcher. He was conscious and complaining of pain.
Meria made an impressive, balls-out move early on when his car caught on fire, after a fueling error. The car caught fire, Will Power's crew put it out, and he drove off.
That's why I'm calling the guy Dances With Fire from now on. I hope it sticks.
And I hope they're both okay.Update
(I just learned that Meira's fuel guy had some 2nd degree burns on his arms from the fire incident, and also stayed at work.)
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Justin Wilson Hits the Wall at the Indianapolis 500
British racer Justin Wilson hit the wall and knocked himself out. That was a shame, because I've gotten to be a big fan of Dale Coyne Racing, thanks to the friendliness and helpfulness of their PR guy, Michael Micheli.
I'm still a race noobie, not only to the Indianapolis 500, but auto racing in general. So Justin, being my first real Indy 500 interview, had become my race favorite. It's a real disappointment that he didn't do better, but I'm glad he's okay.
Wilson's teammate, Tomas Scheckter, is still in the show, and is currently sitting 15th.
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Update: Robert Doornbos Back in the Indianapolis 500 After Lengthy Garage Visit
UPDATE
Robert Doornbos is back on the track. He has only completed 69 laps, so he is actually behind Davey Hamilton, Tony Kanaan, and Oriol Servia, who is out after completing 98 laps, but no one around here knows why.
Doornbos needs to be commended for getting back on the pit. Most people would give up, saying "what's the point." Doornbos just said, "what's the holdup?!" and got back out. He just passed Hamilton's lap count (79), and he can catch Kanaan's 97, then Servia's 98. He's 37 laps behind the next driver, E.J. Viso.Alex Lloyd's wife is cool
Alex Lloyd's wife, Samantha, was just interviewed on ABC. Their baby is due today, and she is having contractions 10 minutes apart. She says she's staying here until the end of the race.
Going 200 miles an hour for 500 miles takes guts. Samantha Lloyd just put all of them to shame.
Congratulations, Lloyd family.
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Race Favorite Tony Kanaan Knocks Himself Out of the 500
Indianapolis 500 favorite Tony Kanaan is now out of the race.
We were sitting here in the Media Center at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, watching the ABC broadcast, and we got to see the replay from Kanaan's onboard camera. There was a loud pop, he plowed into the wall, and a aghast "OOH!" from the journalists in the room. There was a spray — fuel? brake fluid — on the onboard camera, and Tony's car was on fire.
"Oh my God, I hope he's okay," said Danica Patrick over the radio.
We all watched him walk to the ambulance, so he's at least all right enough to watch the race from the pit.
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Davey Hamilton Out of the Indianapolis 500 after 79 Laps
Davey Hamilton has left his mark on the Indianapolis 500. It's a big black skid mark on the wall coming out of Turn #4.
Dixon had completed 79 laps out of 250, which leaves him in 28th place.
Hamilton was the oldest driver in the field this year, at age 45. Hard to believe that a guy only 3 years older than me is considered the Indy 500 Grandpa.
Said he was a little bit loose. In fact, he has said "a bit loose" at least three times during his brief interview on ABC.
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Teammates Graham Rahal, Robert Doornbos out of the Indianapolis 500
Bad luck for Newman/Haas/Lanigan today. First Robert Doornbos brushes the wall and makes it to the pit, but knocked himself out of the race.
A few laps later, NHL teammate Graham Rahal whacked the wall in Turn #4 and knocked himself out too.
It's been bad luck for Newman/Haas/Lanigan. They've got a long history here at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, but no wins. They've even had notable drivers like Michael Andretti, Paul Tracy, Bruno Junqueira, and Nigel Mansell, but no notable finishes.
Graham told ABC he was trying to avoid Milka Duno, who was moving to let everyone by, but was not slowing down to do so.
In 2008, the youngest driver in the field, Graham Rahal, crashed and finished 33rd. In 2009, the second-youngest driver in the field, #5 Mario Moraes crashed and finished 33rd.
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Ryan Hunter-Reay Out of the Indy 500
Driver Ryan Hunter-Reay hit the wall after completing 5 laps. He made contact in turn #4, skidded across the track, and came to rest right at the entrance of pit row.
He appears to be okay, as he's being interviewed on ABC right now (we get the ABC feed here in the Indianapolis Motor Speedway Media Center), and there was nothing that caused the crash. He just dinged the wall, skidded across the lane, and then hit the other wall, placing him in 31st place.
Meanwhile, Marco Andretti seems to be getting his car worked on right now, and there's a possibility he could get back into the race, and at least improve his 32nd place standing. He dinged Mario Moraes halfway through lap #1, knocking them both out of the race. (At least that's what Moraes is saying; Andretti is saying he didn't do anything, and ABC said the same.)
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Mario Moraes Out of the Indy 500 On Lap 1
Mario Moraes got knocked out of the race on lap 1. Didn't even complete the first lap, and said he was bumped by Marco Andretti.
Marco said "Kid doesn't get it...he's clueless."
Then things get all "asky."
Outside, the ABC field reporter is walking quickly to keep up with Moraes, asking him what happened.
"What did Marco say?" Moraes asked.
"He said you bumped him. Where are you going?" asked the announcer.
"I'm going to ask him," said Moraes.
Big "ooohs" and cheers from the entire press room, with remembrances of Danica Patrick's stomp down a hot pit row to "ask" Ryan Briscoe about their crash that knocked her out of the race.
Moraes said later, "I know the 26 hit me, OK? I was in front. I was holding my line, and he just hit me. I don't know from where."
When Moraes crashed before completing a lap of the 2009 Indianapolis 500, it marked the third time that a car starting in the seventh position crashed before completing a lap. Tom Sneva (1986) and Scott Brayton (1988) were the other two occurrences.
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How are IndyCar Series Championship Points Figured?
One thing I've never understood about IndyCar Championship Racing are the points. Points are figured based on where you finish in the 17 races for the season.
Here's basically how it works. If you win a race, you get 50 points, 40 for 2nd place, 35 for 3rd, and so on. You get 2 bonus points for most laps led, and 1 bonus point for the pole position.
So if you sat on the pole, led the most laps and you win, you'll get 53 points for the race. And because finishes will vary wildly from race to race, it's (statistically) possible to win the Championship without winning a race.
Here are the points breakdown:
Race Finish Points
1...................50
2...................40
3...................35
4...................32
5...................30
6...................28
7...................26
8...................24
9...................22
10..................20
11..................19
12..................18
13..................17
14..................16
15..................15
16..................14
17..................13
18 - 24.............12
25 - 33.............10
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Tomas Scheckter's Dad, Jody, Launches Laverstoke Park Farm Organic Beers
Jody Scheckter, father of Tomas Scheckter, announced the launch of Laverstoke Park Farm's Organic Ale and Lager, the world's best organic beer started by a Formula 1 World Champion whose son is an IndyCar driver.
Admittedly, it's a small field, but marketing is all about finding your niche. (And I created that one in the hopes of scoring a case of said Ale or Lager.)
The barley and hops are grown at Laverstoke Park, Scheckter Senior's 2,500 acre organic/biodynamic farm in Hampshire England.
"We specialize in biodynamic and organic natural methods," said Jody Scheckter in a written statement. "We work with nature, not against it, but utilise the latest technologies available in science to try and further our understanding." (And you can tell he's in England, because he spelled utilize with an S, not a Z.)
But it looks like I won't be getting those free samples anytime soon.
"(W)e are not quite ready to be exporting yet," said Scheckter. "We are working on all the different U.S. certifications and labeling which we will hopefully have completed in August."
But keep your eyes out for it when you do. Who knows, if we buy enough of it, its success could play a part in son Tomas' racing future.
"If you enjoy the beers, hopefully next year he can be my main sponsor," said Tomas.
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Is This the Next Generation of IndyCar?
Honda has a new concept IndyCar sitting up in the Media Room, as part of the commemoration of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway's Centennial Celebration.
This model was developed by the Honda R&D Americas Advance Design Studio in Pasadena, CA. Dave Marek, executive designer with Honda R&D.
A written statement from Honda says this model is ". . .an opportunity for Honda engineers and stylists to contribute their visions for the future of IndyCar racing."
They stress that this is only a design concept, and not necessarily what future IndyCars will look like, but it does fit within the overall length, width, suspension, and driveline layouts.
Regardless, it's a cool looking car. A lot of developments in our own cars come from the technology developed for auto racing, so it's not out of the question that ideas from this car could be making it's way to the 500 in years to come.
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Race Morning at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway is Finally Here
"I'm going to leave the house at 5 Sunday morning, so I can get in right when the gates open at 6," said my friend, Ken Severson. "The media center opens at 7, and I'll just sleep in my car for an hour beforehand."
Ken's a former auto racing PR guy and is writing for the Johnson County Daily Journal in Greenwood.
Sound advice from the voice of reason. I leave the house at 5:15, figuring the ride will take 30 minutes, and I'll have a short wait before I can get inside, "short" being the relevant word.
The Jurassic period was only slightly longer, but we had fewer dinosaurs. More drunk people puking and crawling up a hill — dude, seriously? It's 7:15, and you're puking drunk? — but fewer dinosaurs.
The line just sat still for an hour before we finally started moving. I caught up on some podcasts before we started creeping along. Caught up on 3 hours worth of podcasts.
Unfortunately, I forgot my cell phone, so I couldn't find out what was going on, my laptop battery was running low since I didn't recharge last night, and we would occasionally move just enough to keep me from catching a few winks while Ken was tucked safely away in the infield parking, waiting for the media center to open.
I finally got here after 9:00, bump into Margaret from the Indianapolis Motor Speedway PR department, who tells me I should have come in off 25th Street. That's where all the media comes in.
I find my friend Ken, and give him an appropriately hard time.
"You didn't tell me there was a media entrance, you bastard."
"What are you talking about? I just sat out on 16th Street for 3 hours. I just got here 5 minutes ago."
"Oh," I said, deflated. "Apparently there's a media entrance."
"Huh. Oh well, we'll get it next year."
I look around the Media Center, and see a few of my fellow bloggers here. I meet Jeff Ianucci of MyNameIsIRL.com and William Zahren of Pressdog.com.
It's 9:54, and the stands are pretty empty right now, although the infield is filled with tailgaters. People are starting to straggle in, ready to sit through a 3-hour ass-numbing marathon before the race actually begins. The marching bands are doing their thing along the front straightaway, and Purdue University's world's biggest bass drum made an appearance. And I'm right in front of Justin Wilson and Tomas Scheckter's pits. Since I had a chance to actually interview these two (Wilson's interview is here, Scheckter's is here), they're my emotional favorites to win.
It's 3 hours before the flag drops, 6 hours before the traditional milk chug, and I'm going to wander the hospitality tents with Ken. Even though his pre-race directions leave something to be desired, the guy still knows where all the action is.
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Phone It In Sunday: Font Fight! Arial vs. Helvetica
More from those wacky kids at CollegeHumor.com. This is a follow-up to their Font Conference video from last year.
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Saturday, May 23, 2009
Marion, Iowa High School Pulls "Bohemian Rhapsody" from Graduation
This just in: people in Marion, Iowa are overly sensitive to 1970s rock-and-roll.
According to a story in the Des Moines Register, Marion High School principal, Dr. Greg Thomas, removed Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" from their graduation ceremony after townspeople whined that it wasn't appropriate, because it makes references to murder and suicide.
Really? The high school whose mascot is the Indian is worried about a song about murder and suicide? Really. Given the controversy that has raged over the same mascot at other high schools and colleges, I would think a 34-year-old song wouldn't rank very high on the list of Important Things We Need To Be Concerned With.
It also has that line "Beelzebub dada dada dada dah for me, for me, for MEEEEEEEE!," but no one seemed to complain about that.
(UC Men's Octet)
However, the choir will still perform John Lennon's "Imagine," a song about atheism and socialism.
Rock on, Indians.
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Friday, May 22, 2009
Quotes from the Firestone Freedom 100
Courtesy of the PR department at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.
Pippa Mann of Panther Racing was doing very well, but had a bit of bad luck when her teammate, Martin Plowman, made contact with her in Turn 1:
"I was just running in a little hole of air. The car was really, really good. I was just cruising around, taking care of my tires. I wasn't racing anybody too hard, minding my own business. My teammate (Martin Plowman) had a slightly less good car and just tried to pinch down going into Turn 1. Unfortunately, he just lost control and spun. I had to avoid him and yet got caught up in his accident. It's a real shame. Nothing to do with me, but I'm the one sitting out. It's a really big shame because we had a great race car."
Martin Plowman wasn't sure how it all happened though.
"On the first few laps, we were just hanging in there," said Plowman. "I dropped a few places at the start. Just as things were starting to balance out and I was starting to get control of the car and I was making up ground, making runs on people. I was loose at the start on my own, especially in traffic. I tried to dial it in, dial it out for a few laps, and it seemed to get to a point where it was reasonable. I think (Mario) Romancini pinched me on the inside down into Turn 4, and he made a run, following me into Turn 1. I’m not quite sure what happened then. Going into (Turn) 1, I got a face full of clean air, and it just snapped around on me. Didn’t give me any warning."
Wade Cunningham was matter-of-fact about his win, and graceful in victory.
"The whole race was to and fro," said Cunningham. "I got to the front early and knew I couldn’t lead all 40 laps, so I fell back because I didn’t want to be leading at the end. I knew I had a fast car, and it was a matter of being at the right place at the right time."
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Summary of Firestone Freedom 100
Summary and results of the Firestone Freedom 100, compliments of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Thanks, guys. Wish I could have been there.
The Firestone Indy Lights series is a developmental driving league for the Indy Car Series. Think Triple A Minor League ball teams for Major League Baseball.
I was personally cheering for England's Pippa Mann (who lives here in Indianapolis). She finished 21st, after making contact seven laps into the race. Hard luck, Pippa. Better luck next time.
Wade Cunningham won, J.R. Hildebrand came in second. You can see the rest of the results here.FIRESTONE FREEDOM 100 RACE RUNNING
Lap 1: GREEN. #11 Cunningham leads the field into Turn 1. #20 Beatriz passes #26 Hildebrand for third in Turn 1. #11 Cunningham leads #27 Saavedra by .2027 of a second.
Lap 2: #20 Beatriz and #26 Hildebrand side-by-side through Turns 1 and 2. #26 Hildebrand goes underneath #20 Beatriz for third in Turn 3. #27 Saavedra passes #11 Cunningham for the lead on the front stretch. #27 Saavedra leads #11 Cunningham by .0538 of a second.
Lap 3: #11 Cunningham passes #27 Saavedra for the lead entering Turn 3. #11 Cunningham leads #27 Saavedra by .2087 of a second.
Lap 4: #26 Hildebrand passes #27 Saavedra for second. #11 Cunningham leads #26 Hildebrand by .0447 of a second. #7 Hinchcliffe to pit lane.
Lap 5: #26 Hildebrand passes #11 Cunningham for the lead in Turn 3. #27 Saavedra passes #11 Cunningham for second on the front stretch. #26 Hildebrand leads #27 Saavedra by .5065 of a second.
Lap 6: #11 Cunningham passes #26 Hildebrand for the lead on the front stretch. #11 Cunningham leads #26 Hildebrand by .0283 of a second.
Lap 7: YELLOW. #15 Plowman does a quarter-spin to the left entering Turn 1 and makes heavy contact with the SAFER Barrier with the rear of the car. The car also clips #16 Mann who brushes the SAFER Barrier with the right side of the car at the exit of Turn 1. #16 Mann has flat right side tires and continues to pit lane. #9 Summerton to pit lane. #15 Plowman climbs from the car without assistance from the Delphi Safety Team. Leaders under caution are: #11 Cunningham, #26 Hildebrand, #27 Saavedra, #20 Beatriz and #37 Howard.
Lap 12: GREEN. #27 Saavedra passes #26 Hildebrand for second in Turn 4. #11 Cunningham leads #27 Saavedra by .6441 of a second at the line.
Lap 13: #27 Saavedra passes #11 Cunningham for the lead on the front stretch. #27 Saavedra leads #11 Cunningham by .0074 of a second.
Lap 14: #11 Cunningham underneath #27 Saavedra for the lead in Turn 3. #11 Cunningham leads #27 Saavedra by .0398 of a second.
Lap 15: #11 Cunningham leads #27 Saavedra by .0396 of a second.
Lap 16: #27 Saavedra and #26 Hildebrand underneath #11 Cunningham for the lead entering Turn 1.
Lap 17: #26 Hildebrand passes #27 Saavedra for the lead entering Turn 1. YELLOW. #20 Beatriz and #44 Yacaman touch wheels in Turn 1. The right front of #20 Beatriz touches the left rear of #44 Yacaman. #20 Beatriz does a quarter-spin to the left and makes heavy contact with the inside wall with the front of the car. #44 Yacaman makes light contact with the SAFER Barrier with the right rear and then does a full spin across the track, coming to rest in Turn 2. #20 Beatriz is assisted from the car by the Delphi Safety Team. #44 Yacaman climbs from the car without assistance from the Delphi Safety Team. Leaders under caution are: #26 Hildebrand, #27 Saavedra, #11 Cunningham, #5 Romancini and #37 Howard.
Lap 24: GREEN. #26 Hildebrand leads #27 Saavedra by .0023 of a second at the line.
Lap 25: #5 Romancini passes #11 Cunningham for third entering Turn 1. #26 Hildebrand leads #27 Saavedra by .1400 of a second.
Lap 26: #11 Cunningham passes #5 Romancini for third. #26 Hildebrand leads #27 Saavedra by .0170 of a second.
Lap 27: YELLOW. Debris on the front stretch. Leaders under caution are: #26 Hildebrand, #27 Saavedra, #11 Cunningham, #5 Romancini and #37 Howard.
Lap 29: GREEN. #26 Hildebrand leads #27 Saavedra by .2825 of a second at the line.
Lap 30: #5 Romancini passes #11 Cunningham and #27 Saavedra for second on the outside entering Turn 1. #26 Hildebrand leads #5 Romancini by .1171 of a second.
Lap 31: YELLOW. The right front of #35 Kimball makes contact with the left rear of #24 Potekhen. #24 Potekhen does a quarter-spin to the right and back to the left and continues to pit lane. #35 Kimball continues to pit lane. Leaders under caution are: #26 Hildebrand, #5 Romancini, #11 Cunningham, #27 Saavedra and #37 Howard.
Lap 34: GREEN. #26 Hildebrand leads #5 Romancini by .1412 of a second.
Lap 35: #11 Cunningham looks inside #5 Romancini for second entering Turn 1 but can't make the pass. #26 Hildebrand leads #5 Romancini by .0665 of a second.
Lap 36: #26 Hildebrand leads #27 Saavedra by .1208 of a second. #11 Cunningham is third. #5 Romancini is fourth.
Lap 37: #26 Hildebrand leads #5 Romancini by .0794 of a second. #11 Cunningham is third. #27 Saavedra is fourth.
Lap 38: #26 Hildebrand leads #11 Cunningham by .0670 of a second. #5 Romancini is third. #27 Saavedra is fourth.
Lap 39: #27 Saavedra white walls in Turn 1. #11 Cunningham underneath #26 Hildebrand for the lead entering Turn 3. WHITE. #11 Cunningham leads #26 Hildebrand by .2115 of a second.
Lap 40: #27 Saavedra brushes the wall exiting Turn 2. CHECKERED. #11 Cunningham wins the Firestone Freedom 100 by .1046 of a second over #26 Hildebrand.
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FIRESTONE INDY LIGHTS POST-RACE NOTES:
***
Medical update from Dr. Michael Olinger, medical director for the Indy Racing League: #15 Martin Plowman and #44 Gustavo Yacaman have been checked and released from the Clarian Emergency Medical Center. Both are cleared to drive. #20 Ana Beatriz is being treated for a small laceration on her chin and will have X-rays taken of her left elbow and right knee.
Photo: cmakin - taken at 2008 Indy Lights race in Speedway, IN
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The Adventures of Vacation Dad
The Adventures of Vacation Dad
Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2009
I took my family on vacation this week for the first time in a long time, and I was struck by a frightening thought: I've turned into Vacation Dad.
You've seen Vacation Dad. You've probably traveled with him. My own father wasn't Vacation Dad too often. He was generally happy to be on vacation, except when I did stupid stuff like purposely spilling juice on the hood of the car, bugging my little sister in the back seat.
Vacation Dad loves two things. He loves driving fast, and he loves being angry at other drivers. Vacation Moms (actually all moms) thinks Vacation Dad isn't enjoying himself when he does this.
"Relax," she says soothingly, as he hollers at yet another jerkwad who's going 10 miles UNDER THE FREAKING SPEED LIMIT! "You just need to relax and enjoy the drive."
Vacation Mom doesn't realize that he IS enjoying the drive. This is how Vacation Dad unwinds. Half the fun of a vacation is getting there as fast as we can. If we get there sooner, we have more time to enjoy ourselves.
For Vacation Dad, having a good time sometimes means focusing more on "time" than "good," which gets us the best of both worlds. If we get there faster than everyone else (time), we win (good).
Getting there fast means leaving early. Leaving for vacation before everyone else leaves. Leaving before rush hour traffic chews up valuable driving time. Leaving — when things are really clicking in place — before the sun peeks over the horizon.
And this is why Vacation Dad can never, EVER leave soon enough to be truly happy. If we agree to leave at 8:00 a.m., we really wanted to leave at 7:00 a.m. If we agreed to noon, we really wanted to leave at, well, 7:00 a.m. And if you somehow agreed to leave at 7:00 a.m., we were hoping you meant 7:00 the previous night.
We create a tight Schedule with prime driving times, optimal bathroom breaks, and best arrival time. The Schedule — we capitalize it because it's very important; it's the foundation of the entire trip — is based on highway conditions, maximum allowable speed, and even wind velocity. We plan it down to the very minute, and nothing can make us change The Schedule.
Except for Vacation Moms and Vacation Kids.
They have found many ways to ruin The Schedule, the worst of which is Failure to Depart On Time (F-DOT). This drives Vacation Dads nuts.
F-DOT happens because things aren't packed, the kids still haven't gone to the bathroom, and the dog still isn't at the kennel 20 minutes before scheduled departure time.
Veteran Vacation Dads plan for this, and set Zero Hour two hours earlier than he really wants to leave. Did Vacation Dad tell you he wanted to leave at 5:00 a.m.? He really wants to leave at 7:00. He just told you 5:00, because he knows you don't respect The Schedule.
Unplanned Breaks (UBs) and Too-Long Breaks (TLBs) are other Schedule killers. UBs happen because one or more family members didn't visit the bathroom on that last stop, throwing everyone's bladder out of sync.
(Why is it that Vacation Dads are the only ones who understand the importance of synchronizing bladders? We can't stick to The Schedule if you don't all go to the bathroom when we stop.)
TLBs happen when the caravan makes an unauthorized stop (because someone "didn't have to go" at the last stop, 15 minutes ago) and it turns out to be someplace mildly interesting. The family will ooh and aah over the variety of tchotchkes and general crap, and spend more than the generous seven-and-a-half minutes Vacation Dad has planned for just this contingency.
By now, some wives are convinced that I'm just making this up. They swear up and down their husband is nothing like this.
"My husband is calm, relaxed, and would never freak out on a vacation about some silly schedule," they say.
First, let me say congratulations on your first year of marriage. You have a lot to learn about husbands.
To the ones who recognized their own husbands, please be patient with us. This behavior has been bred into us ever since the first Vacation Dad hollered, "I swear, if you don't shut up back there, I'm turning this mammoth around, and we're going back to the cave."
If you really want to make our vacation enjoyable, just respect The Schedule. And help us tell the other drivers why they shouldn't be on the road.
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Thursday, May 21, 2009
British Town Hall Puts Safety Over Patriotism, Won't Fly Flag
My friend, Lorraine Ball, asked me recently why I had a spate of articles making fun of the British nanny state (like this one, this one, and this one. And this one too.)
"They just make it so easy," I said.
And they're doing it again.
A Bourne, England city council said they are no longer going to fly the British flag — the Union Jack — over their town hall, because they are concerned about the safety of the 8-foot-ladder they're using to raise the flag. (Oh, and I did one on British firefighters and ladders.)
According to a story from United Press International, the South Kesteven District Council will no longer fly the flag on special flag-flying days, like Armed Forces Day or the Queen's birthday.
Brian Fines, a council member and former lieutenant colonel said the decision is an insult to all veterans and members of the military.
(I also did a British police post with this one.)
"What a sad and sick society we're becoming," Fines told the Daily Sun. "This despotic government's health and safety laws have prevented the council flying a flag from the building that's the hub of our town. We're told they're not allowed to use a ladder to access the mast, which is ridiculous. It's annoying and upsetting a lot of people."
Photo: a.drian
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Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Aussie Train Station Has Wheelchair-Accessible Phone at top of Stairs
The Macdonaldtown train station in Sydney, Australia is proud of the wheelchair-accessible phone and ramps for wheelchair users to get on and off the trains. They even boast about it on their website.
The problem is the phone and the ramps are at the top of a set of stairs, and no way for wheelchair-using passengers to access either of them. No ramp, no elevator, not even a couple of brawny men to carry the passengers.
A RailCorp spokesman told the Sydney Daily Telegraph that the phone was installed as part of the Disability Discrimination Act. Never mind that in order for a wheelchair user to use that phone, they have to take the train to the station, get off, make the call, and then hop back on.
"Recent developments would indicate that the NSW Government has no overall plan to provide accessible public transport," Spinal Cord Injury Australia president David Brice told the Daily Telegraph.
Expect RailCorp to host a telephone conference call to the Australian Society of Deaf Journalists to explain the problem.
Photo: Puddles
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Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Woman May Lose License Over 25 Year Old Ticket
Connie Van Houter of Colonie, NY is about to lose her driver's license because she ran a red light.
Twenty-five years ago.
According to a story in the Albany (New York) Times-Union, Van Houter received a notice that her license would be suspended for failing to show up for a court date back in 1984, over a ticket she received in February 27 of that year.
"I'm retired, been retired for five years," she told the Times-Union. "I've had a heart attack and three strokes. I'm supposed to remember a ticket?"
Van Houter will plead not guilty.
Apparently staff at the Colonie Town Court have been going through old files and sending open cases to the state DMV. . . Van Houter's old employer.
Ken Brown, a spokesman for the state DMV, said there is no statute of limitations for failing to show up for court.
"If we're notified by a jurisdiction that they have an outstanding summons, we put it on the record," Brown said. Brown said that it's "pretty uncommon" to suspend licenses for 25-year-old offenses.
But Colonie Town Attorney Michael Maggiuli said he has never heard of a case like this. He believes a driver cannot be cited if two years have gone by, even for failing to appear in court.
If I were Van Houter, I would ask for the original photo and ticket for evidence. And when they can't produce it, there's no proof, therefore no crime.
And if she doesn't win, she said she would be happy to pay the fine.
Her check will probably clear in 2034.
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Monday, May 18, 2009
FDA Calls Cheerios a Drug. Same FDA That Allowed Death-Causing Pharmaceuticals on the Market
From the "Unclear on the Concept" file:
The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is now classifying Cheerios —— those little round O's made of oats that have been around since 1941 —— as a drug, and sent a letter to General Mills saying as much.
They even put the letter on their website: "Based on claims made on your product's label, we have determined that your Cheerios Toasted Whole Grain Oat Cereal is promoted for conditions that cause it to be a drug."
Uhh, do you realize that this is a breakfast cereal made out of oats and modified corn starch? People eat it with milk, as a part of a balanced breakfast. My kids used to eat them by the fistful when they were babies.
Keep in mind this is the same FDA that has allowed a number of big pharma drugs onto the market, only to recall them because "painful, needless death" was a common side effect for some of them. The same FDA that Congress wants to investigate their medical device review process, because they have "corrupted and interfered with the scientific review of medical devices."
So does this mean that General Mills have been poisoning the entire world for the last 68 years, or is the FDA doing their usual bang-up job?
The FDA's biggest complaint, not including the one that no one takes them seriously anymore, is that General Mills claims that Cheerios can help lower bad cholesterol.
According to an article on Canada.com, the FDA says these claimes show that Cheerios are ". . .intended to be used to lower cholesterol and prevent, lessen or treat the disease hypercholesterolemia, and to treat and prevent coronary heart disease."
Which means the FDA assumes the product is a drug. Which means General Mills cannot market Cheerios as they are, unless they apply for approval for a new drug, or changes the way it labels it.
Look for the FDA to begin regulating exercise tapes and programs, gym memberships, and for the Drug Enforcement Agency to begin cracking down on Cocoa Puffs and Fruit Loops. Cap'n Crunch will be taken into custody, and the Trix Rabbit will be gunned down in a drive-by, with no clue to the shooter, other than a handful or orange stars, green clovers, and blue diamonds.
Photo: Culpfiction
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Sunday, May 17, 2009
Preview of Sunday's Bump Day Qualifications
Here are the 5 fastest times of Sunday's Bump Day practice session.
Pos. Car Name Time Speed
1. 23........Milka Duno........40.6163........221.586
2. 13........E.J. Viso.........40.7508........220.855
3. 00........Nelson Philippe...40.7804........220.694
4. 36........Bruno Junqueira...40.8769........220.173
5. 91........Buddy Lazier......40.9526........219.766
Rookie Stanton Barrett, Buddy Lazier, and Bruno Junqueria are all looking to get in the show. Andretti, Duno, and Philippe are practicing, because they know they'll have to take a crack at qualifying again. And if I were Mike Conway, EJ Viso, and Ryan Hunter-Reay, I would keep the keys in the ignition, just in case.
All in all, three people will be watching the race from the stands next week. I expect Junqueira to be one of them, since he was just named the Conquest Racing driver this weekend, which means he's missed 2 weeks of all-important practice, and they haven't had a great chance to shake down the car to his liking.Here's how Bump Day qualifying works:
Bump Day Qualifying consists of one warm-up lap followed by a four-lap qualifying attempt. Any qualifying attempt that is faster than a qualified entrant in the 33 positions in the starting field will bump the slowest qualifier from the field, regardless of the day of qualification. The "bumped" entrant will be removed from the field of 33, and the remaining field will move ahead one position in the starting field as the newly qualified entrant will take the 33rd position, or a higher position if faster than the other fourth day qualifiers.
At noon, the ambient temperature was 67 degrees with a relative humidity of 32 percent and winds from the north-northeast at 14 mph, gusting to 18 mph. Skies were partly cloudy. The track temperature was 87 degrees, according to Firestone engineers.
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Phone It In Sunday: I Go To 11 Too
If you've never understood where the phrase, "These go to 11" comes from, now you do.
If you want to see the entire movie, I highly recommend that you run out and rent/buy/borrow This is Spinal Tap. Possibly one of the funniest movies of all time. (The beauty part of it is that when the movie first came out, a lot of people didn't realize it was fake, so they went to the record stores, looking for Spinal Tap albums.)
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Saturday, May 16, 2009
Two National Park Employees Caught Peeing In Old Faithful
From the "Think Before You Speak, Chuckie" files:
Found this story on the WMAR/ABC2 (Baltimore) website. While the story is pretty funny, the final line in the news report was priceless.
It seems two Yellowstone National Park employees figured that if the Old Faithful geyser was going to pee on the park, they'd get their revenge by peeing on Old Faithful. A webcam caught them doing it.
One employee was fined and banned from the park for two years (which will make doing his job rather difficult), but there has been no decision about what will happen to the other man. (Same crime, same penalty, I would hope.)
According to Wikipedia:
(Old Faithful) eruptions can shoot 3,700 to 8,400 U.S. gallons (14–32.000 litre) of boiling water to a height of 106–185 feet (30–56 m) lasting from 1.5 to 5 minutes. The average height of an eruption is 145 feet (44 m).
But it was ABC2's last line that made the article so funny, and not for the reasons they thought.
Luckily for both of them, the geyser was not erupting at the time.
Think these things through before you actually write them down.
Photo: CircumcerroStock
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Friday, May 15, 2009
Other Bloggers Here at the Indianapolis 500
The Indianapolis Motor Speedway made a bold move this year in allowing bloggers to attend the race as official media. We're allowed in the media center and the garage. We can meet with drivers, sponsors, race officials, etc. And there are several of us. I can't thank Tim Sullivan, a member of the PR staff, and the rest of the folks at the Speedway for giving us this chance.
If you don't count the podcast/Internet radio shows like Larry Henry's Pit Pass USA (Larry used to work for the Indianapolis Motor Speedway Radio Network) or Don Kay at AutoSportRadio.com — and you'd be making a big mistake to overlook them — there are eight of us bloggers here.
We're all sitting on Row 3, and I'm on the outside, closest to the window. If the media center were the starting lineup for the race, I would be Tony Kanaan. (This photo is a view from my seat. I can actually see the flag stand at the finish line.)
Here are the other 7 bloggers here at the track this month. Be sure to check them out.
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30 Seconds with Ryan Hunter-Reay at the Indianapolis 500
I was wandering around the Indianapolis Motor Speedway garage this morning, caught up with Ryan Hunter-Reay this morning, who drives the #21 for Vision Racing. They've been focused on getting every ounce of speed out of the cars that they can.
"We're just trying to find answers to getting the cars to match in speed," said Hunter-Reay.
The guy's been absolutely focused on getting ready for the race, so much so that he doesn't even leave the Speedway.
"I just hang out in the motor home, do some bicycling," said Hunter-Reay. "I haven't had much time off."
Huter-Reay is spending his free time with his fiancée, who he said loves racing. If only I could get my wife to love my job as much as I do. Of course, there's not as much excitement in watching one's spouse write all day long.
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Thomas Scheckter is Ready to Roll for His First Day of Practice
At 9:30 this morning, Thomas Scheckter's care didn't look like a car. It didn't look like much of anything.
In my earlier post when I said Scheckter was joining Justin Wilson at Dale Coyne Racing, I mentioned that his crew would have the car up and running in a few hours.
I passed by the garage less than 2 hours later, and it was gone, heading out to the track for a practice run. What'd I tell you about his guys being pros. I can't even get my oil changed in 30 minutes, and these guys got an entire freaking race car ready for the track in just a couple hours.
Now that's impressive.
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Indy 500 Update: Tomas Scheckter to Join Justin Wilson at Dale Coyne Racing
Dale Coyne Racing just announced that South African driver Tomas Scheckter will drive the #19 car, with new teammate Justin Wilson.
I had a chance to visit the Dale Coyne garage and catch a few minutes with Scheckter.
"I'm just excited to be on the team," he said. "Today, I'm getting comfortable in the car, trying to get up to speed as quickly as possible."
The team's focus today is just getting Scheckter in the show, and then worry about race day later. That's the way it is in Indy Car, just a series of small steps: get up to speed, get in the field, and then race.
"We're still just getting the car together," said Scheckter, referring to the #19 Monavie car he'll be driving. While I was there, there were at least eight guys swarming around the chassis like horny bees on a drunk flower. Given the condition of the car, you would think there wouldn't be any way this thing is going to be ready to go in three days, but these guys are pros. They'll have it done in a couple hours.
Scheckter joined the Indy Racing League in 2002, driving for Eddie Cheever's Red Bull Cheever Racing, racking up some big wins and accomplishments.
*Source: TomasScheckter.com
Before he joined the Indy Racing League, Scheckter won the Formula Opel Euroseries championship in 1999, with eight victories and eight poles. He then drove in the Formula 3 Series in 2000, and was runner-up in the British Formula 3 Championship with two wins and two poles.
You can follow Scheckter at Twitter.com/tomasscheckter.
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Friday Morning at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway
Morning at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway is so quiet, it belies the massive assaults on your eardrums that will start up in about three hours.
My friend, Theresia Whitfield, a rabid NASCAR fan and journalist, warned me via Twitter to take hearing protection.
"Is it that bad?" I asked.
"I have hearing loss in my left ear because of it."
She wasn't kidding. The cars are extremely loud out here. But apparently they were much louder last year.
"How can you be sure it's not you?" I asked the woman who told me. "Has everything seemed quieter since last year?"
"No," she said, "they have a new muffler system on the cars which have cut the decibels."
It's still pretty damn loud. When you're standing outside, you can hear a single car on a qualifying run the entire way around the track. The cars are so loud, when they're coming down the straightaway, the Doppler effect lasts until the following Tuesday.
Luckily I'm either in the media center, which is sound shielded against the worst of the noise (you can actually have a normal conversation here), or in the garage area, which is still loud enough you have to speak loudly to be heard. Either that, or most of the people I talk to have been out here too long without hearing protection.
I'm at the Speedway on Friday, practice day, the day before round 3 of qualifications. This is the quietest I've ever heard the place. No crowd noises, no track announcer, and no cars. My ears are already aching in anticipation.
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Belgian Translator Gets Taste of American Justice, Airline Style
Belgian Gets a Taste of Airline Justice
Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2009
Nicholas Cantisani still has nightmares from his arrest when he was dragged off his airline flight in April. His crime? He leaped to his feet, charged the cockpit, and threatened everyone on board.
Just kidding. He was arrested for asking why the flight was delayed for more than two hours. So Philadelphia police dragged Cantisani off the flight, and held him for hours without any food or water.
Cantisani, who is blind from birth, was sitting on the plane with his wife. They had been in New York visiting family, and were returning home to Brussels, Belgium. Their plane had backed away from the gate, and sat on the runway for two hours without moving.
Airlines will back away from a gate and call it a departure. They do it so they can keep their on-time departure stats up. However, the time of the landing is marked when the plane touches down, not when it arrives at the gate. Either way, they can sit and wait for as long as they want, and there's not a darn thing you can do about it, because they'll arrest you if you raise a stink.
Just ask Cantisani.
According to the Philadelphia Daily News, Cantisani, who is a professional translator, was charged with resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. He was arraigned this past Thursday.
After the plane sat for a while, they were told the plane would be delayed, but were not given any reasons why. Cantisani said they weren't allowed to use their phones, receive any food or drinks from the flight attendants, or even move from their seats.
Cantisani, not being familiar with the martial law imposed by all airlines when it comes to questioning their authority, stood up to ask for water and to speak to the crew. He was ordered to sit down instead.
Later, he talked with the captain, and was told the problem was "mechanical difficulties." No problem. Cantisani sat back down and waited.
Sometime later, another passenger made a comment about the crew, so three cops escorted him off the plane. (Oh sure, THEY get to move around.) Then they tried to remove Cantisani.
So Cantisani, flashing back to the "then they came for me" poem by Martin Niemöller, refused to leave, shouting "I am not a trade unionist."
Just kidding. He actually did refuse to leave, clutching his seat belt so tightly they couldn't take him away. And three cops against a blind 61-year-old man will win every time. He injured his hand, lost his retractable cane, and said one cop had him by the throat.
Lt. Frank Vanore, a police spokesman, told the Daily News they had been called to the gate because of "a disorderly passenger." He did not specify if the rabble rouser was Cantisani or the other passenger who hurted the crew's feewings.
My favorite line in the whole story:
"Officers told him they had done the 'blind test' and didn't believe he was blind"
Lt. Vanore said he did not know of any "blind test" that the police did. In fact, I don't know that there is any kind of "blind test" ever.
I used to work in the blindness field for over a year, and I can tell you there is no such thing as a "blind test." At least not one a police officer is certified to give. Which makes me think their so-called test involved jumping out and shouting "BOO!" Or more likely it involved the cops hollering "I SAID, CAN YOU HEAR ME?"
Cantisani was then questioned by a psychiatrist to determine his mental state.
"I SAID, ARE YOU CRAZY?!"
At 3:00 a.m., he was taken to the police station, and was detained until late that evening.
"I was never read my rights. I was put against the wall, told to put [my] hands on the wall, empty [my] pockets and undo my shoelaces," Cantisani told the Daily News. "Then, I was shoved into a 6-by-7-foot cell and that was it."
Cantisani said no one believed he was blind until the end of his stay. I hope they at least felt stupid enough to apologize to him.
"I SAID, WE'RE VERY SORRY WE DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU!"
Cantisani said he is not planning to return to Philadelphia, which means his lawyer will represent him in court. It also means Cantisani is able to remain in Europe and tell the Philadelphia Police what they can do with their arraignment.
"I SAID, YOU CAN FREAKIN' BITE ME!"
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Thursday, May 14, 2009
A Look at Firestone Tires' Racing Program
When a tire company says they're green, the tendency is to think "yeah, yeah, everyone is green these days, even the coal companies."
But Firestone Racing takes it seriously.
I had a chance to sit down with Al Speyer, executive director of Firestone Racing, to get a basic education about racing tires. I learned more in 10 minutes of frantic scribbling than I would have ever learned trying to read the same amount of material. That's to be expected, since Speyer has 35 years at Firestone, 28 of them in racing tires. (For the record, next Friday, May 22 marks his 35th anniversary. He'll be driving the pace car that day during Carburetion Day)
So back to the green tire. Is it really green? How can you dispose of a racing tire cleanly and easily?
"We track all race tires from the cradle to the grave, from the day we make them in the factory, to the day they're used in cement kilns," Speyer said. "Those kilns would normally burn propane, oil, gas, or coal. And grinding tires actually takes a lot of energy, so they just throw them in whole. Burning one tire replaces 30 pounds of coal, and has fewer emissions than coal. It's easily the best way to dispose of these tires."
Security is something else Speyer and the rest of Firestone Racing takes very seriously. He meant it when he said they track all race tires. They actually bar code and follow each individual tire, because they need to protect the technology from their competitors.
"There's not a whole lot a fan could learn from one tire, but the competition could learn quite a bit," said Speyer. "All tires are taken back, and some are analyzed before they're incinerated."
And if you thought replacing your tires on your own car was expensive, you'd choke at the cost of a set of Indy tires: a single set cost $2,060, and the tires are only leased, not bought.
"A typical team running 17 races for the season would spend $225,00 on tires for that season," Speyer said. (And there's no refunds for unused tires either. Believe me, I asked.)
But there are different packages for teams running different season lengths. A team running the entire month at Indianapolis gets 35 sets of tires ($72,100), a short program entry gets 26 sets ($53,560), and rookies get an additional 4 sets ($8,240), so teams treat these things like gold.
"That's why teams use tow tires or rain tires just to go from the garage to the track," said Speyer.
Firestone Racing has been a great boon for Firestone Tires. When Firestone got back into racing in the early 1990s, they saw their consumer sales double from 1993 to 1999. Speyer puts it all down to their forays into racing.
"Racing was the catalyst that doubled our sales," said Speyer. "We spent those six years winning races and winning business."
Firestone is going to stay in racing, said Speyer, for three reasons. "First, we get the brand exposure: decals, white letters on tires, logos on uniforms.
"Second, the technology. We demonstrate the current technology we have, and we develop our new technology.
"Third, the pride of our teammates. (We call our employees teammates.) Just like when the Colts do well, Indianapolis feels a bursting of pride. When our tires do well, the whole company feels proud."
Given the great successes the company is having this year, the entire company is probably floating on Cloud 9 about now.
Tire photo courtesy of Firestone Racing
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10-Year-Old Boy Arrested for Carrying Toy Gun; Newton County Schools and Police Overreact
Alandis Ford's mother, Tosha, thought she was being a good mom when she bought him a little toy cowboy gun at Wal-Mart.
Alandis Ford thought he was being a good student when he brought the toy to school while they were studying the Civil War.
The Newton County, Georgia police thought they were taking down a rabid terrorist who was going to do horrible things when they arrested and fingerprinted Alanis.
Now, according to a story on the WXIA 11Alive NBC website, the little guy is facing expulsion and long-term juvenile detention for bringing a cap gun to school.
"It kind of reminded me of the [soldiers'] guns that I was studying," Alandis told WXIA. "Because I had brought pictures home of the gun and stuff, and that gun that I had reminded me of the revolver."
Tosha said that on Wednesday afternoon, six Newton County sheriff's deputies went to their home. They asked Alandis for his gun, and when he showed it to them, demanded the "real gun." Tosha says they then called him a liar, booked him, and fingerprinted him.
He was charged with possessing a weapon on school property and with terroristic acts and threats.
Lt. Mark Mitchell told WXIA that Alandis had threatened other kids on the bus and in his neighborhood. Alandis denies this.
Alandis said he was on the school bus on Tuesday, when he dug into his bookbag to get his phone out.
Alandis said, "The boy beside me, he reached in my bookbag and got it [the toy gun] and started telling everybody, 'He's got a gun, he's got a gun,' and spread it around the whole bus. So I put it back in my bookbag." The bus driver completely missed what was going on, and never confiscated it.
The next day, Alandis went to another friend's house, and brought the toy gun. The friend, who had never seen a real gun, freaked out, and called 911. Alandis said the boy thought it was real, and worried Alandis might shoot it.
"The 911 call that we received was that a 10-year-old male was outside of a residence with a gun threatening to shoot another child," said Mitchell, in his best cop-talk voice.
Mitchell also said investigators realized Alandis' only gun was the toy one, but that they felt totally justified in possibly ruining his life because blah blah blah safety blah blah blah mindless adherence to the rules.
"In this day and time, we do not take anything lightly, whether it's a toy gun or a real weapon, for the safety of the kids and everyone involved, the safety of the school. That's our main concern."
But is that an unusual overreaction?
Not at all. At least not for Newton County.
Sherri Viniard, the PR director for the Newton County schools, emailed 11Alive the following statement:
"Student safety is our primary concern, and although this was a toy gun, it is still a very serious offense and it is a violation of school rules. We will not tolerate weapons of any kind on school property."
So Alandis has been suspend indefinitely, had his first hearing in juvenile court, and is in trouble with his mom.
It's not hopeless for the kid, however, as Tosha said Alandis' caseworker is going to recommend probation rather than detention. And his suspension may turn into 10 days, rather than expulsion.
But despite all the stupidity and overreaction, Alandis still wants to be a police officer when he grows up. (This is the point of the story where you go 'awww' and start mumbling something about hay fever making your eyes water.)
"You know, he's a 10-year-old little boy who wants to be a police officer," Tosha said. They play with "little walky-talkies and stuff, because they like to play police and recon."
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Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Parks & Recreation's Aziz Ansari Wants You to Boycott IMAX Theatre
Aziz Ansari is angry at the injustices of the world. He's speaking out, he's on his soapbox. He's as mad as hell, and he's not going to take this anymore.
It seems Aziz -- the guy who plays Tom Haverford on Parks & Recreation -- is pissed that he was charged an extra $5 to watch the new Star Trek flick on an IMAX screen, but it wasn't a IMAX screen at all. It was just a larger screen.
He's urging people to boycott IMAX, AMC, and Regal Theaters.
Here's a clip of what he said happened:At the AMC theatre this was my experience at guest services:
Aziz: Yes, I’d like my $5 back. I paid $5 extra for an IMAX screen and that’s not nearly as big as what I have known IMAX to be.
Guest Services: I can’t sir. Its IMAX quality picture and sound.
Aziz: But the screen isn’t big, that’s the whole reason I pay $5 more for IMAX.
Guest Services: Well sir, you watched the whole movie, you could have come out and we could have given you tickets to a different one.
Aziz: Why would I do that? I’d leave Star Trek, the movie I wanted to see and you’d give me a ticket for Ghosts of Girlfriends Past? Oh yeah that’s fair! No, you need to give me the $5 back, its the principle of it. Can I see a manager?
I can't decide whether Aziz is blowing this out of proportion, or if he should be applauded for his efforts to fight for the little guy. Either way, I'm digging the Harlan Ellison-like outburst Aziz had with the theatre manager.
You can also follow Aziz's ongoing debate with the IMAX CEO on Twitter.
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Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Unwillingess to Make Exceptions Results in Further Fire Damage
When the latest California wildfire was raging through Santa Barbara, tanker planes –– the ones that drop water and fire retardant onto the fire –– were forced to fly 120 miles out of the way to Porterville to reload, because the US Forest Service didn't have a contract to use the Santa Maria airport that was only 60 miles away.
According to a story in the San Luis Obispo Tribune, 10 planes were forced to make the hour-long trip over two days while the contracts were worked out, adding an unnecessary five hours to the trip, putting more lives and property at danger.
It seems to me you can come up with a short-term interim contract or even a memo of understanding to fill in the gap while waiting for the regular contract to be filed. But then again, I still use common sense to make decisions, so what do I know?
No one is sure what those wasted five hours would have meant in terms of containing the fire, but some residents who were driven from the area are upset with the air response. The fire turned from a moderate brush fire on Wednesday afternoon to a "wind-driven inferno that burned dozens of homes to the ground."
However, fire service officials are adamant that it was the wind, and not the problematic air response, that led to the fire's growth.
It's always the weather with you people, isn't it.
But this isn't the only time the air response has had problems. In the fall 2007, fire fighting helicopters were grounded for more than a day because of bureaucratic screwups. At the same time, California Air National Guard cargo planes were never equipped with retardant and water tanks.
Ironically, the contract with the Santa Maria airport was cut from year-round to the regular wildfire season in order to save money. Money that, now saved, can be used to help pay for fire damage that might have been prevented with those missing five hours.
If only we could harness the power of bureaucracy to fight fires. Unfortunately it would be glacially slow, require consensus from the entire group, and spend three weeks crafting a mission statement before getting down to the business of putting out fires.
Drew Curtis at Fark.com had the best quote over the entire incident: Heckuva job there, Smokey!
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Monday, May 11, 2009
Erie County, Ohio Health Department May Have to Fine Itself
If the Ohio State Health Department follows its own rules, they may have to fine the Erie County Health Department, because someone violated the statewide smoking ban.
Paul Hauke, Jr., a bar owner from Sandusky, became the first Ohioan to receive a written warning for violating the smoking ban, Jay Carey, spokesman for the Ohio Department of Health, told the Sandusky Register. All other written warnings and fines have been given to business owners, not individuals.
And therein lies the problem. The law basically says that if a person lights up in a business, and they don't provide a way for the businesses to make patrons stop smoking.
According to the Register story, businesses get a written warning for the first offense, and then fines of $100, $500, $1,000 and $2,500 for each violation, whereas individuals only get the letter and a $100 fine.
While I'm an anti-smoker myself, I still think Hauke's is stunt kind of funny. I can appreciate his anger and frustration, and like the audacity of his action, because right or wrong, it does draw attention to the plight of some small business owners.
According to the law, the Erie County Health Department should get a warning letter soon. And if anyone goes back and smokes again, the ECHD will owe the state $100, and then $500 for another violation, and so on.
This does NOT mean several of you should drive to the ECHD to 420 Superior St., Sandusky, OH 33870 and light up in protest so they have to pay thousands of dollars in ironic fines.
But this isn't Hauke's first time doing it. He did the same thing in the Findlay municipal building a couple weeks ago. This time, he also threatened to call a state tattler's hotline to file a complaint against the ECHD for permitting a smoking violation.
Erie County health commissioner Pete Schade said Hauke is missing the point by lighting up inside the ECHD building.
“That’s like driving drunk to the police station and then complaining that there’s a drunk driver on the road,” Schade said.
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Sunday, May 10, 2009
Phone It In Sunday: Real-Life Twitter
From the hysterical folks at CollegeHumor.com.
What if you said things out loud that you normally only said on Twitter?
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Saturday, May 09, 2009
Tony Kanaan Press Conference: Pole Day
Driver Tony Kanaan raised a few eyebrows with his unusual color scheme during his qualifying run on Pole Day. His Team 7-Eleven car had morphed from its usual green and white to looking like something my son designed with his Big Box O' Legos.
Tony qualified in his backup car, citing problems with his original car. So he hopped into Hideki Mutoh's backup car, stuck the 7-Eleven nose on the front (have to keep the sponsors happy, you know), and went for a ride.
When he was done, he was sitting in 7th place.
At the press conference, Kanaan said he was done racing for a few days. (Not so fast, Tony. Looks like you'll have to do it again.*) He's not happy with his position in the field — he's sitting in the middle of row 3 — but he's more interested in going home for a short break.
"I'm leaving Sunday to see my son for a few days," he said.
I talked with Kanaan after the press conference to ask him about his 19-month-old son. Does he bring him to the race?
"He usually comes along, but not this month, because it's a month-long event," said Kanaan. "He lives in Miami, the weather is great, and he's got his swimming to go to."
"Does he ever hang out with any of the other racers' kids?"
"Oh sure, we have (Dan) Carpenter's daughter that he hangs out with."
"Do you think your kids, Carpenter's daughter, other racing kids, will ever become racers when they get older? Is that their legacy, the same way it was for the Foyts and the Andrettis?"
Kanaan had to think about that for a minute.
"I don't know if I want him to race, but it's not my choice. It would be nice, but I don't know if I have the heart to worry about him."
After he left the media center, one of the security guards pointed something out to me.
"Look at that," said the guard. "A lot of racers go straight to the golf cart and go back to the garage. Tony went to his fans to sign autographs." I looked over, and sure enough, he was signing autographs for the small crowd of fans who had gathered outside the media center to catch a glimpse of their hero.
UPDATE
* As I was writing this post, they just announced that Tony's time was disallowed because his car did not pass the weight inspection. His car was too light.
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Press Conference with The King, Richard Petty, Indy Car owner
I've been in a number of press conferences, but usually on the other side of the microphone. It's only fitting that my first press conference as a media representative is at my first Indy 500.
What I wasn't expecting that Richard Petty — The King — would be the focus of the conference. Serious coolness factor today.
Petty is now making a venture into open-wheel racing as an owner of an Indy car.
Petty owns the Window World car, #43, as part of the Richard Petty Motorsports/Dreyer & Reinbold Racing team. D&R owns four entrants in this year's 500, and John Andretti, nephew of racing legend Mario Andretti, is his driver.
Petty said that even though he's been a stock car racer for 35 years, he was always fascinated by Indy Car racing.
"The thing that has always fascinated me about Indianapolis was the cars," said Petty. "We got stock cars, and I work on my own cars, but they're nothing like Indy cars."
He has been to qualifications for 10 or 12 years, as part of the STP Racing team, although he said this was his first time to be here for Pole Day. Last year was also his first time to ever attend a 500. He very nearly became a driver years ago though.
"I was invited by A.J. Foyt to come check it out. I took two laps around the car — not in the car, around it — and said I was going back," Petty said to laughs from the press corps. "Seriously though, I did sit in it, and looked at the pedals, and said 'How am I going to get my size 11s on these?' A.J. went to a locker, came back with a pair of size 7s, and said 'you've got to get your feet in these.'" And that was it."
But Indy Car ownership isn't a long-term venture for Richard Petty.
"This is just a one shot deal," said Petty. "But if we win, circumstances will change."
"Right now, we're going to do it this year, get the very best out of it, count the chips,and see what the future brings."
It's too bad, because Richard Petty brings a wealth of auto racing experience few people can ever hope to match. He brings some pretty strong opinions too.
"What's the difference between a racer and a driver?" one reporter asked.
"Racers want to win, but it's not pretty," said Petty. "All drivers here are good drivers, but they're not good racers. I don't know what makes a good racer. If I did, I'd put him in my car."
"Dude, I'm standing right here," said John Andretti. (Okay, he wasn't really.)
"But some of these drivers are just not winners, so I don't classify them as racers. Winners know what to do, how to act and react. Some of these drivers just don't."
Oh snap! The King has dubbed thee not worthy. It's like getting cut with a sharp knife -- you don't know you've been cut until much later. Makes me wonder who he's talking about.
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Hidden Patriotism at the Indianapolis 500
Possibly one of the coolest things I've seen in the past three days. I was sitting in the media center cafeteria with my friend Ken Severson (a noted sports writer and former auto racing PR guy), when Casey Jamerson sang the National Anthem.
The entire room got to their feet and stood for the National Anthem. There was no flag, we were out of site from everyone in the stands, and we could only see Casey as a little dot on the closed circuit TV. But it was extremely cool to see everyone rise when, if we hadn't, no one would have said anything.
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Indianapolis Gordon Pipers: The Official Band of the Indianapolis 500
Most people think I'm weird, but I love the bagpipes. There's something about the shrill nasally tone with the wheezing background drone that just stirs my blood.
So I was really excited to bump into the Gordon Pipers, the "official band of the Indianapolis 500."
The Indianapolis 500 Gordon Pipers were started by Dr. Wallace "Doc" Gordon Diehl in 1962 and a few fellow Highlanders to have a "unrestricted civilian bagpipe band." Doc Diehl and his band were invited by Tony Hulman to perform at the 1963 Indianapolis 500, and they've been here ever since.
"We play during yellows, we play in the Parade, and on Race Day, of course," said Soupy Diehl Cardwell, Doc Diehl's daughter. "We also have four pipers in the winner's circle, one for each wheel. We play Scotland the Brave and Mary's Wedding for Mary Hulman George. It's been our tradition since 1963."
The great thing about the Indy 500 is that it's steeped in tradition. So much so, that even the band, which only makes a brief appearance, has their own traditions.
"We also have two dogs," said Soupy. "Mr. MacGregor is 4 months old — this is his rookie year — and he's a black Scottish Terrier. Dorey is the white Western Highland Terrier. We always have black and white dogs to represent the checkered flag."
See what I mean?
There are three generations of Diehls in the band. Doc Diehl still plays, Soupy, and three of Soupy's kids.
Throughout the year, the band plays in other parades and Highlander and Celtic festivals around the country, including the Minster, Ohio Oktoberfest.
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Robert Doornbos of Newman/Haas/Langan Racing Hits the Wall in Practice
Doornbos was driving the backup car, since he crashed his primary car yesterday.
UPDATE:
Robert Doornbos has been cleared for driving by Dr. Michael Olinger. Unfortunately, he is out of cars, unless Graham Rahal (# 02) is willing to let Robert borrow his backup car. Given Robert's 0-for-2 non-crashed cars, if I were Graham, I'd be a little concerned about it.
Doornbos said in a written statement: "I have no idea (what happened.) I'm so disappointed. The guys did an amazing job getting the car ready. We had a good first outing. Everything felt good. We were just starting a run and rear just went on me. I don't know what happened. We'll have to look at the data, but it's disappointing because I wanted to qualify today."
Qualification Day, 8:00 am. Stress is High
I showed up at the track at 6:55 am, worried about parking, getting in, being stuck in line for 2 hours.
I could have stayed in bed for another hour, because it turns out the place is pretty empty. But this is not something I'd want to miss, so the time has been well spent.
I've made contact with three different teams to talk to the drivers, and none of them are giving interviews until after the race. That's perfectly understandable.
Having been in athletics in high school and college, I understand the nerves and stress before a game. I spent many sleepless nights before a bike race, and remember the adrenaline shakes before a college soccer game. What I'll never experience is the high-pressure these people are going through.
For many of these drivers, it's a win-or-go-home week. There are 41 entrants in the race this year, 8 of them are TBAs (To Be Announced). Some teams, like AJ Foyt Enterprises, Sarah Fisher Racing and Vision Racing have a TBA spot. That means, they're putting in a car, but they don't have a driver. Or it's a second chance for a driver who might have gotten bumped on Bump Day (Sunday, May 17 this year). Or a chance for drivers like Bruno Junqueira to pick up a ride in the last minutes before Race Day.
Getting in the 500 is a big payday for some of these teams. Winning enough money at the 500 can make an entire IndyCar season. You just don't get the big bucks with a win in Milwaukee. There are big money sponsors to keep happy (teams live on sponsorship money), people whose very livelihoods depend on how well their driver does, how well they keep the engine tuned, whether they have a good pit. For some of these teams, the tiniest mistake on Opening Day could cause a downward spiral that comes to an abrupt end on Bump Day, ending their entire season.
In the two days I've been here, I've seen smiles and heard joking from some of the teams. No one's smiling this morning. It's go time, and no one is going to feel safe until they're in the top 20 and safe from the bump.
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NYC Teens See Through Bristol Palin's Hypocrisy
Bristol Palin told a group of New York City students that abstinence was the only foolproof method of not getting pregnant.
The key word being foolproof, since Bristol, the daughter of former Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin, and fellow fool Levi Johnson made international news for their unwed pregnancy, presidential-campaign engagement, and "sorry your mom lost, we're through" breakup.
According to a story on ABC News, New York City students said they thought Palin was a hypocritical celebrity, and they wouldn't take any advice from the unwed mother.
Bristol made her own headlines after being pregnant for most of her mom's campaign, before finally giving birth to a baby boy in December 2008. Right or wrong, Bristol and her family were hammered on family values and a woman's right to choose for her decisions, but she went ahead with what she believe in.
Now she's speaking as an ambassador to the Candie Foundation, a group dedicated to creating awareness of the problems of teen pregnancy.
Problem is, no one is listening.
"It's a big flop," Jerry Kowal, a high school senior, told ABCNews.com. "I don't think it's her real opinion. She's just trying to help her mother. She said it herself that abstinence education doesn't work. I looked it up."
Back in February 2008, Bristol told Greta Susteren that teenage abstinence was "unrealistic." Now she's saying her comments were "taken out of context," which is political talk for "I don't mean that anymore," or everyone else talk for "Oopsie. Did I say that out loud?"
Palin later told Good Morning America, "Regardless of what I did personally, I just think that abstinence is the only way that you can effectively, 100 percent, foolproof way to prevent pregnancy."
Guess it doesn't work when fools are involved.
Bristol did not address how to keep teens to maintain abstinence in the first place, which is why students like Raina Brot didn't taker her seriously.
"I don't get it," Brot said. "She's being kind of a hypocrite."
No, she's being a politician.
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Friday, May 08, 2009
At the Track with Justin Wilson
Justin Wilson can be a little boring. (That's race car driver Justin Wilson, not the Cajun Cook Justin Wilson.)
Not accountant boring, but dad-and-husband boring (I say this as one of the world's most boring dads and husbands). This is actually what you actually want for an IndyCar driver. When your job consists of driving a $1 million machine in excess of 200 miles per hour, making nothing but left turns, you want as much consistency and stability as possible.
Still, I asked Justin what he usually does when he's not driving, hoping for juicy tales of dates with celebrities, clubbing, decadent fun. You know, the racing lifestyle.
Nope. He hangs out with friends and family, and relaxes as much as possible.
He gave the typical driver's answer — "Hang out at the garage with the guys, thinking about setup, or at the motor home just hanging out" — so I asked him what he did when he wasn't driving.
"Well, I brought my bicycle, so I get out and explore a bit, and then I got to the gym. I work out six days a week."
Needless to say, I felt like a lump standing next to him. He's 6' 3.5" (he's the tallest driver in the race), and he's built like, well, a guy who works out six days a week. I, on the other hand, didn't work out six days all last year. I swear I'm going to start as soon as this race is over. Or maybe in July. I'm kind of busy in June.
"Oh that's nothing. When I was in F-1, I worked out twice a day, six days a week."
Okay, starting to not like the guy.
So what do you do in the evenings? Just hang out around the Speedway, or do you get out on the town?
"We've got friends in town, so we go see them. Hang out just to be with them."
("We?" Why do drivers always insist on calling themselves "we?" Are you the Queen or something?)
"Occasionally, we'll go out to a restaurant. Last night we ate dinner with friends, but the night before that, we went out," said Justin. "My wife is pretty good about going out, and we just strap my daughter into the baby carrier, and she's all set."
(Oh, that "we." Never mind.)
Justin and his wife Julia have a 12-month-old daughter, Jane. (See, dad-and-husband boring. I can relate.)
"It's great being a dad," he said. "I'd say the teething's pretty. . . interesting."
"Just don't stick your finger in her mouth," I said. "Once she gets all four teeth, they're like little daggers."
"Oh, I know. I go to give her a hug, and then a few minutes later, she's going nom nom nom." And then he made those little gnawing noises — I got Mr. F-1 champion Justin Wilson to make baby gnawing noises.
Okay, I like the guy again.
Justin, who sold shares of himself to investors to raise money for his early racing career, is looking to improve on his 27th finish in 2008. After that, he'll head to Milwaukee to compete in the Indy Car Series at the Milwaukee Mile from May 29 - 31.
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Karl the Curmudgeon Has a Business Idea
Karl the Curmudgeon Has a Business Idea
Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2009
"I've got a great idea for a business. I think you're going to want a piece of this action," said my friend Karl, my literary curmudgeon and occasional drinking buddy.
We had been hanging out quite a bit over the last few months, partly because he's always lonely at this time of year, but mostly because he offered to buy the beer this time.
What's that? I said.
"Well, you know how cell phone companies will give you a free phone if you sign a two-year contract?"
You're not going to sell me a cell phone, are you? I asked. We were sitting at Herbert Hebert's, a French bar we occasionally visited. We were watching the French national cricket championships on satellite TV.
"No, now quit interrupting, Kid," Karl plonked his beer on the table. He calls me Kid even though I'm 41. "Here it is: What if a veterinarian were to give away free puppies, and the new owner had to take the dog to the vet for two years of care and medication?"
I paused for a moment. That seems, well, kind of. . .
"Spit out out, Kid."
Cynical. Greedy. Capitalistic.
"I can see how you might—"
Money-grubbing. Exploitative. Perverse.
"Okay, okay. I get it."
Don't you think so?
"Not at all. I think it's a great idea. Regardless of where you get it, a puppy needs all its shots, has to be spayed or neutered, the works. People always use the same vet already, so why shouldn't they do something to help bring in some more customers?"
I drained my beer and watched some of the cricket action on TV. Armagnac-Bigorre was seriously drubbing Château de Thoiry, 14 - 7, with 6 wickets remaining.
I don't know, I finally said, plonking my empty glass on the table.
"What's not to know? This is a great plan. It puts a free puppy in a good home, it builds business for the vet. Everyone wins."
It just seems like you're putting a price on love.
"People already put a price on love, Kid. Whether it's their car, their gadgets, or their trophy wife
You have a trophy wife?
"No!"
So you're stuck with your first wife then?
"You'd better not let your own wife hear you say 'stuck.'"
Good point.
"Don't change the subject, Kid."
Fine. So why can't I just get a free puppy somewhere else? Why do I have to get it from a vet?
"You can't get free puppies anymore these days. Dog breeders, pet stores, even the animal shelters are charging a couple hundred bucks for a dog nowadays."
But they have overhead and administrative costs.
"So do vets."
Their job is to sell pets.
"And a vet's job is to treat them. So why not save a family the middle man AND help puppies find good homes?"
Karl ordered a couple more beers, and even paid for them. Wow, this must be serious, I said, because I'm usually the one who pays for the next rounds.
"You know what your problem is, Kid? You're not looking at the big picture. This is a great way for vets to provide an additional service to families and guarantee some revenue for themselves."
I pondered this for a minute while I took a drink of my beer.
So why can't we just apply this model to other businesses? Why can't printer companies give away free printers so we'll buy the ink refills?
"Some of them do. When you buy a new computer, you can usually get a free printer. The refills cost 200 bucks though."
Not at my house. We usually get rid of the printer and buy a new one for $150 instead. It comes with the ink already, and ends up costing a lot less than the refills of the old printer.
"But your cheapness notwithstanding, this idea works the same way. Get a puppy from a vet, someone you trust about their health to begin with, and then in exchange, you get services from the vet whenever it needs them. You need vet services even if you buy a shelter puppy for $200."
All right, I'll agree that this is a good idea. Now what?
"Well, I just need a small investment of $2,000, and we can get this ball rolling."
$2,000? I could get a whole new curmudgeon for $50.
"That's cold. Now you're just making this friendship about money."
Hmm, that sounds familiar.
"Shut up, Kid."
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Thursday, May 07, 2009
Even the Media has History at the Indianapolis 500
Even the most casual fans know and understand the traditions at the Indianapolis 500: the yard of bricks, the bottle of milk for the winner, Jim Nabors singing "Back Home Again in Indiana."
But there's even history among the media here at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.
Sports writer Chris Economacki has been writing a weekly racing column for the National Speed Sport News for over 50 years. The guy is in his 80s now, and he's the only writer in the entire room of a few hundred journalists who still uses a manual typewriter. The guy had such an impact on racing, they named the media's conference room the Economacki Press Conference Center. He's such a fixture at the race, the Speedway keeps a manual typewriter just for him. And when he shows up in May, he's in the pole position, far left side of the front row.
Race announcer Howdy Bell is still here too. If you grew up like me listening to the race on the Indianapolis Motor Speedway Radio Network, Howdy was a familiar voice, giving us the stats and place breakdowns. In fact, the first time I met Howdy, it wasn't because I knew who he was, it was because I recognized his voice.
"I know that voice," I said to him, introducing myself. He was working in sales for WICR radio, the Classical/Fine Arts station at the University of Indianapois. We chatted, and bumped into each other a few times throughout the year.
Now, although Howdy is not with the IMS Radio Network anymore, he is still doing trackside reports for WKHY, a rock station in Lafayette, Ind. I got to chat with him for a few minutes again, catch each other up with what we've been doing, and he even told me to see him if I had any questions about the race and working up here in the Media Center.
Now that's class.
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Previous posts about the 500
I'm Sitting at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway Media Center
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I'm Sitting in the Indianapolis Motor Speedway Media Center
Right now –– right this very moment —– 3:10 p.m. on Thursday, May 6th, I'm sitting in the Indianapolis Motor Speedway's Media Center. (That's Ed Carpenter of Vision Racing in the photo.)
I was invited by Tim Sullivan, one of the PR staff at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, to be a media blogger for this blog. It's their first year to invite bloggers, and Tim actually knew my name because I'm a humor columnist for the Greenfield Daily Reporter. (He also found me on Google, thanks in part to blog posts by my good friends Kyle Lacy and Lorraine Ball.
I went to the Speedway's credentialing office (they take this shit seriously here. It's not just some folding table with a couple of elderly volunteers handing out passes. They've got a huge office, lots of desks, and three cameras to take photos of credentialed guests and media.)
Needless to say, I'm seriously geeking out here. Not because I'm a race fan, but because I'm an Indy 500 fan. I'm like the guy who only goes to church on Easter and Christmas.
I'm going to leave most of the race reporting –– all the stats and speeds and talk of engines –– to the race writers. I'm going to try to go behind the scenes and find stories that you don't normally see unless you're here, or a die-hard fan. I'll talk about atmosphere, sightings, history, and things that generally strike my fancy.
Keep your eyes peeled. Subscribe to the RSS feed for this blog. Follow me on Twitter (@edeckers). Keep a Firefox tab open on this page. Just keep watching this blog, because over the next 17 days, this blog is going to be about the Indy 500 AND humor. I don't know if I can keep up the workload, so wish me luck.
And if you have any questions you want me to answer in a future post. Send me a Tweet or leave a comment here, and I'll see what I can do.
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Maryland Masseuse Allowed to Massage Horses Again
"Does a person even need a license to massage a horse?"
That's not a question you typically hear in a Maryland court room, but it's just one of many odd questions Montgomery County Circuit Court Judge David Boynton asked a few days ago.
On the receiving end was Grant Gerber, an attorney with the Maryland Board of Chiropractic and Massage Therapy Examiners. They're the group that told Mercedes Clemens she had to stop massaging horses or risk losing her human massaging license.
So, according to a story in the Maryland Daily Record, Clemens sued the CMTE because they are infringing on her business rights. Furthermore, the CMTE is only allowed to regulate who can massage people as part of their business. It doesn't regulate horse massage, which is why Clemens is taking legal action.
“I don’t understand why this [cease and desist] letter hasn’t already been withdrawn," Boynton said to Gerber.
In fact, Boynton said a lot of things to Gerber, and verbally pounded the poor guy for 30 minutes. But in the end, he could only "urge" the CMTE to reconsider their decision.
Gerber said the board would meet on May 14 to determine whether they will keep or drop their policy of prohibiting horse massage by their certified massage therapists. So Boynton postponed a decision and further hearing until June 2 to give the board an opportunity to change its policy and avoid a legal spanking.
According to the Daily Record, Clemens has not massaged horses since the cease-and-desist letter was written. She was "guardedly optimistic" that the CMTE would change their mind and let her resume her equine massage business, which included 30 clients, until the CMTE got all jealous and possessive.
Apparently, so did the Maryland State Board of Veterinary Medical Examiners, because they said that only veterinarians were allowed to massage horses. However, they changed their tune after Clemens sued them too.
But the CMTE refused to change their policy, saying any changes they made should have been made through an administrative appeal by Clemens. But rather than waiting for an insular group to go through the motions before automatically saying no, she decided to sue them instead.
Gerber told the Daily Record that an administrative hearing would have been more useful, because it would have given the board a chance to review the policy. Instead, the lawsuit "sort of limits our ability to change direction or give her a hearing."
That's sort of the point. There is only one limited ability Clemens wants you to have, and that's to say "okie dokie."
Take care of this little matter, and if you ask nicely, I'd bet Clemens would even give you a free massage and a bag of oats as a way to say thank you.
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Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Why a Spoon? Why Not an Axe?
Having solved all gun- and knife-related crimes, one British retailer is now going after spoons.
A shopper at British superstore ASDA (part of Wal-Mart Corporation) was asked for age identification before buying a teaspoon.
According to a story in the London Daily Telegraph, when asked why, the cashier informed the woman that "someone had once been murdered with a teaspoon, and therefore age identification was now required."
The National Teaspoon Association (NTA) was not available for comment. NTA President Ben Kingsley is expected to issue a press statement sometime later this afternoon.
It didn't matter that the woman had also bought plates and other picnic items. No, no, never mind that a well-flung plate could cause a concussion, or that picnic knives and forks are much more stabby. No, someone was killed once with a spoon, which means
You can actually see a copy of the receipt over at the Nanny Knows Best blog.
Peter McCarthy, the ASDA store manager, told the Telegraph he did not know about any spoon ID rule, and that it was probably a computer mix-up.
"The customer will have been asked for age identification by the assistant when prompted by the till," said McCarthy. "I'm not aware of an age restriction for spoons. It's most likely a mix-up with the bar codes."
When will England ever learn? Teaspoons don't kill people, people kill people.
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Tuesday, May 05, 2009
British Wedding, Star Wars Geek Style
"That's no moon. That's a wedding."
It was possibly the geekiest wedding ever. Two British Star Wars fans had a Star Wars themed wedding this past Monday (May 4th).
According to a story in The (London) Daily Mail, bride Sammi Gardiner was dressed as Princess Leia, while Duncan Thomson was dressed as Han Solo.
At least Thomson didn't dress up as Luke Skywalker, since that would have been, well, weird.
Not like the rest of the wedding.
But hey, geeky wedding or not, you have to appreciate the sentiment. It's always great when two Star Wars geeks fans get together.
All they needed was a vow that said "no matter how hard you squeeze, I won't slip through your fingers," and the geek factor would have hit 11.
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Monday, May 04, 2009
PETA Whining About Google's Goats
Having solved all cruelty to animals problems, including killing over 2,100 animals at their own Norfolk, VA animal "shelter," PETA is now whining about Google using a herd of goats to mow the lawn at their Mountain View, California HQ.
According to a story on Fox News, Google said they want to have a more "low-carbon approach with the goats reducing the company's contribution to air and noise pollution."
Turns out the cost of hiring 200+ goats is about the same as mowing, but without all the noise, use of gas, and carbon dioxide given off by the mowers.
According to the Google blog, it takes about a week, is much quieter, and the goats are cuter to watch.
But leave it to PETA to stamp their little feet about the goats. According to the Fox News story, while PETA has no problem with letting the goats do what they would normally do, they have concerns about how the goats were transported, and whether they get shelter and enough water.
So, PETA did the responsible thing, and went to the Google property to check it out, and placed a phone call to California Grazing to inquire about it.
Just kidding, it's freaking PETA. Do you think they would really do those things?
No, instead they issued a knee-jerk response saying they hoped the goats would get adequate shelter, whether they receive veterinary care, and what happens to old and excess goats.
Of course, this is the same PETA that has eagerly killed over 21,000 animals at their animal shelter from 1998 to 2008, so I hate to guess why they're asking that last question.
(Google said that while they technically weren't employees, the goats did receive a free all-you-can-eat organic lunch.)
If you have the time you can always watch the best 19-minute video clip of goats eating grass at Google in the world.
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Sunday, May 03, 2009
Phone It In Sunday: Affirmation Girl: Fantasy Pool Date
I'm starting to become a big fan of Lisa_Nova and her hilarious YouTube videos.
And if you happen to remember last week's question, no, that wasn't Lisa's real voice in Twitter Whore.
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Saturday, May 02, 2009
Bra Stops Bullet, 84-Year-Old Man Repels 2 Muggers? Yeah, We'll Be Okay
I've been scaring the bejeezus out of myself (and everyone else) with my concerns about swine flu. But I was able to shake myself out of it thanks to my friend, John Maler of The Indy Group, who forwarded me an email from the Mental Floss e-newsletter.
I can't tell it any better, so I'll just quote the entire thing from the email newsletter Mental Floss sent out:Because I'm in seclusion and watched a wee bit too much cable news this morning, I could use some happier thoughts. So here are two stories from Miss Cellania's recent 'Weird Week in Review':
Saved by the Bra!
Who knew undergarments could offer this much support? An unnamed 57-year-old Detroit woman has her life today, and it's all thanks to her bra. Last Tuesday morning, she witnessed a group of burglars breaking into a neighbor's house. When they saw her, one of the men fired a shot. Thankfully, our witness was wearing protection, and the bullet miraculously deflected off of her bra's underwire. She was taken to a hospital with non-life threatening injuries. The suspects fled and were not apprehended at the time.
84-year-old Beats Up Muggers
84-year old Ted Mazetier of Tacoma, Washington, stopped to help what appeared to be stranded motorists Wednesday, April 22. But apparently, the scene was just a ruse. The two men jumped Mazetier and punched him in the face. Amazingly, Mazetier, a World War II veteran and former prison guard, fought back. He kicked both men, getting one in belly and the other in the groin, and managed to slow down their escape. The two fled as quickly as they could, but were arrested soon after.
To which Mental Floss said:
If an old man can beat up muggers, and a bra can save your life, I'm guessing we all stand a pretty good chance against this flu-thing.
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Friday, May 01, 2009
A Visit to the Art Gallery
A Visit to the Art Gallery
Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk syndicate
Copyright 2009
"Remember, don't touch anything when we're in here."
"An art gallery."
"No Buddy, not a heart gallery, an art gallery."
"Sweetie, don't say that in public."
"I know it rhymes with art, but you shouldn't say it in public."
"I realize you can say that at home. But we're not at home."
"We're at an art gallery. I just told you."
"It's where they show art."
"Yes, like the kind you guys make."
"No, you can't color anything in here."
"Because you can't touch anything."
"Because you'll break something. And I can't afford or won't like whatever you break."
"Of course I like your art, Sweetie."
"Yes, Buddy, I like your art too."
"I like them both the same."
"Uh-uh. Daddies don't pick favorites. Ask Mommy what she thinks."
"What? I wasn't trying to put you in a tough spot. I was just saying you wouldn't pick a favorite either."
"Just remember not to touch anything in here."
"It's a sculpture, Buddy."
"Well, the half-eaten sandwich that's been discarded on the paper plate represents our careless attitude toward food while other people in the world are starv— oh, sorry, sir. I didn't know that was your dinner."
"Sweetie, don't shout across the room like that. And don't say words like that either."
"They're called breasts, not boobies."
"I know you guys call them boobies at home."
"Because we're not at home."
"No, Honey, we can't leave yet."
"Because I like going to art galleries. I want you guys to learn to like them too."
"I just like seeing art. It's a chance to see what other people have created. Art is the heart of a community. This is a great way to see what people are thinking about, or what they think is important."
"Yes, Sweetie, I know you like drawing SpongeBob SquarePants."
"Yes, Buddy, I guess some people think boobies are important."
"What? He asked, I had to answer."
"I am not being a bad influence. Look, we said we would never lie to the kids. Besides, I think we should teach them that boo—breasts, at least in art, are nothing to giggle at."
"No, Honey, not all art is important."
"Well, sometimes it's just pomposity and ego. Some people just think it's great to just emotionally vomit onto a canvas and call it art. Or they root around in the garbage and pile up a bunch of stuff like we're supposed to be impressed by their creativity. But sometimes it's just literally a pile of—no, ma'am, I didn't mean your work."
"I like your interpretation of. . . uhh. . . oh, yours is the one with the boo—breasts."
"No, I was just explaining to my daughter about the pretensions of some artists. I wasn't referring to your work at all."
"Buddy, don't touch the boobies—I mean, art."
"No, I didn't know this was your show."
"Well, I wasn't referring to your art. I was talking about some other artists."
"Uh, I don't know their names."
"Look, if we didn't like it, we wouldn't have come in."
"Oh yeah? You probably couldn't even spell bourgeois."
"Let's go, guys. We're leaving."
"Sweetie, don't eat her cookies. Because they're probably as tasteless as her art."
"See kids, I told you art could be fun."
"What? I'm not teaching the kids bad manners. They're learning how to be art critics.
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