Friday, March 05, 2010

Viking Settlers Found in Utah. Sort Of.

Viking Settlers Found in Utah. Sort Of.

Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2010

Erik is out of the office this week, so we are reprinting a column from 2003. Apparently, they had computers back then, because we were able to retrieve this from what archaeologists call a "floppy drive."

One of the problems with our educational system is that teachers continue to give students bad information. We're not talking small mistakes, but huge epic mistakes that completely undermine American history.

Whenever anyone tells me that Christopher Columbus discovered America in 1492, I always explain how Columbus actually landed on the island of Hispaniola in 1492 (what is now Haiti and the Dominican Republic), and then in Jamaica in 1494. I also explain how, despite what we've been told, Columbus never actually stepped on North America.

Never ever. Ever. Not even a little.

In fact, it was Viking explorer Leif Eriksson, son of Erik the Red (who I was named for), who landed in Canada around the year 1000, 492 years before Columbus ever set sail into this hemisphere.

However, most historians believe that the Vikings only headed westward, into the United Kingdom, Iceland, and Greenland. What they don't realize is that they actually landed in the South Pacific as well.

According to a story that ran in the Salt Lake City Tribune as well as several smaller newspapers in southern Utah, Viking explorers landed on a coral-based island on April 1, 956. These explorers, sent by King Eric Blodosk, settled the island and named it Himmelsk, which means "Shouldn't there be another vowel near the end?"

The Vikings lived on Himmelsk for years, until it broke loose from the sea floor, and was carried by a tsunami to North America. The several thousand foot high wave carried the island and her frightened settlers for nearly 750 miles inland until it landed in modern-day Cedar City, Utah.

The settlement remained in place until 1845, when American explorers sent by President James Polk discovered the settlement. And like we did with so many other groups who were there first, our government tricked the Vikings out of the settlement, and destroyed it.

In October 2002, Cedar City Mayor Gerald Sherratt announced the discovery of Viking artifacts in a nearby cave. And based on a number of calculations, it was determined that the US Government owed the descendants of the Blodosks $88.7 billion.

So an agreement was reached with the Blodosk heirs that they could reclaim ownership of the old homestead from April 1st to April 10th, beginning in 2004.

By now, I hope, you're saying to yourself, "Wait a minute! Since when can a tsunami wave tear a South Pacific island from the ocean floor and carry it thousands of miles to southwest Utah without killing everyone on the island?!"

Well, it didn't really happen. If you recheck the date of the anniversary, you'll see that the Himmelsk festival starts on April Fool's Day. In other words, it's a big joke. The fine folks at Cedar City are hoping that the newly developed Himmelsk festival will become a huge tourist attraction for their fair city. And Mayor Sherratt and his staff have been advertising the festival in local newspapers in southern Utah.

So are you surprised that someone is trying to find a way to get their hands on all that money? Of course not.

According to the Salt Lake City Tribune, Cedar City officials began receiving calls and letters from residents of St. George, Utah, who claim to be descendants of the Himmelsk settlers, and therefore were entitled to some of the money and treasure.

Cedar City officials explained that the story was just a publicity stunt to promote the festival, and that there wasn't any treasure to begin with. So the St. George Golddiggers (as I now call them) accused them of conspiring in a huge cover up, and still claim they should be given part of the treasure.

Surprised? Yeah, me either.

This story is a prime example of the greed and stupidity that run rampant through society today. First, there are people in this world who are so greedy and dishonest that they would lie about a festival that's supposed to bring enjoyment to thousands of people. Second, that people believe there WAS a tsunami that carried a small island for thousands of miles without killing everyone on it. Third, the Golddiggers think everyone else is stupid enough to believe they're descended from a fictitious king in the hopes that someone might accidentally give them the fictitious $88 billion.

So I won't be surprised if the St. George Golddiggers hire a lawyer to try to get this nonexistent money. If it happens, I hope Mayor Sherratt runs them through with a Viking sword.

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