Friday, July 13, 2012

Trust Means You Don't Spy On Your Spouse

Trust Means You Don't Spy On Your Spouse

Samantha Brick of London spies on her husband because she doesn't trust other women.

In a recent story she wrote in the London Daily Mail, Brick said her husband's business is not just his business, it's hers too. Every day, she snoops into his personal correspondence — checking his email, voicemail, snail mail, and text messages every single day — all under the guise of not trusting other women.

"It's not that I don't trust my husband, Pascal — I do. I just don't trust other women."

No, you don't trust your husband. If you really trusted your husband, you would trust him to be able to say no, and not get tricked into accidentally having sex with another woman.

"Oopsie, how did that get there? Oh, because my wife forgot to check my email today."

Brick's rationale for her lack of trust is Jools Oliver, wife of Jamie Oliver, host of the Naked Chef and Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. Jools apparently also pries into her husband's personal correspondence for the same reason.

Jools' first problem was marrying a guy called the "Naked Chef."

Brick said she doesn't see it as snooping, she sees it as protecting her marriage.

There are many ways to protect a marriage. Open communication is one of them, trust is another. And if you feel the need to monitor everything and everyone your husband talks to, you don't have either.

For further justification, Jools and Brick cite Vernon Kay, an English TV presenter, who admitted to his wife, Tess Daly, another TV celeb, that he had exchanged "racy" texts with five women. Understandably, Daly no longer trusts her husband.

I won't excuse what Vernon Kay did as "not as bad as cheating," or any other "boys will be boys" cliché. Vernon Kay violated his wife's trust. But for Jools and Brick to snoop on their husbands because another TV celebrity was sexting is like me refusing to go to my bank because another bank across town got robbed.

Brick said her experience has shown her "there are scores of women who are morally bankrupt when it comes to using every form of modern communication available to snare an already taken man."

In other words, this is all Alexander Graham Bell's fault. Apparently women were not morally bankrupted until that Scottish bastard hollered to his assistant, "Watson, come here. I need you!"

Okay, I'll give you that one.

We can also blame Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and even King Charles I, who created the Royal Mail Service in 1635 for women's chicanery and men's gullibility.

But it's obvious Brick doesn't actually trust her husband, and she doesn't hold men in high regard either. She said, "(m)en seem to have no idea about how pitifully easily they can be trapped by unscrupulous women hell bent on hooking any chap they fancy."

In other words, it worked on her husband once, so it might happen again.

Brick's statement is rather sexist. Men are not dim-witted sex addicts who are one racy text message away from having an affair with some woman they just met. A strong, dedicated man can recognize when he's getting into a situation he shouldn't, and get himself out of it. It shouldn't take a nagging shrew snooping into every inch of his life to make sure he keeps his promise.

I saw an ad for a wedding ring that had the word "MARRIED" deeply engraved on the inside. The idea was that if a philandering husband ever tried to remove the ring to pick up a strange woman, his marital status was branded on his finger.

This is a way for women to keep their husbands honest when they weren't around. (Although according to Brick, this may be an open invitation to the rampaging hordes of sluts who are all clamoring to have sex with your husband.)

But honestly, wives, if your husband is the type of man where you have to brand him to keep him from cheating, is he really the man you want to be married to? If that's all that stands between him and violating his marriage vows, then he's not the right man for you.

And men, if your wife is the kind of woman who has to brand you, sift daily through your personal life, and keep tabs on you every second of the day, then she's not the woman you should really be with either.

For the men who don't mind it, and the women who think it's alright, hopefully you'll find each other soon and can start a beautiful non-trusting relationship together.

Just don't let your spouses find out.

My first book, Branding Yourself: How to Use Social Media to Invent or Reinvent Yourself (affiliate link), is now in its 2nd edition. It's available on, as well as at Barnes & Noble and Borders bookstores. I wrote it with my good friend, Kyle Lacy.

My book, No Bullshit Social Media: The All-Business, No-Hype Guide to Social Media Marketing is also out. You can get it from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Books-A-Million in October, or get it for the Kindle or Nook.


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  1. quiet interesting, but trust is what keeps man and women to gather not the checking stuff!

  2. I've never checked my husbands email, or phone. Unfortunately I made a grim discovery when he asked me to pack a suitcase for him. I stayed because I love him and I was pregnant (also I'd already sold my stuff to live in India) and to this day I do not snoop but honestly the trust just isn't there anymore. Any advice?


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