Thursday, May 01, 2008

Deckers Family, Inc. Annual Report

Deckers Family, Inc. Annual Report
Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2008

To: All members of Deckers Family, Inc.
From: President Daddy
RE: Yearly Evaluation Report

Dear Employees of DFI:

I must apologize to all members of our organization. By my calculation, I am seven months overdue in filing my Yearly Evaluation Report. Or I'm five months early. Regardless, I am pleased to report that I have filed a report every single year since 2004.

Except for 2005, 2006, and 2007.

Mistakes were made, delays were experienced, passive voice writing style was used. Owing to a series of events and incidents, including moving our corporate headquarters twice in two years, it has been difficult to maintain the annual report schedule. Thank you for your patience. Now, down to this year's findings.

I am mostly pleased with the maintenance and cleanliness of our new headquarters. However, I have serious concerns about the state of the offices of the junior staff. Many times, I have seen them in serious disarray, and in need of drastic organization. CEO Mommy and I have pleaded, cajoled, and even threatened to withhold your weekly pay, but to no avail. If these conditions don't improve soon, I may have to move your belongings to the Automotive Storage Area.

I am once again ready to oversee the Exterior Facilities Management this Spring and Summer, and am considering promoting our Manager of Daughter Operations (MDO) to Assistant Facilities Manager. Our new facilities are much smaller and easier to maintain, and the new equipment is easier to use, so I believe the MDO is ready for the responsibility.

While I understand other corporations often pay their Assistant Facilities Managers an additional salary for Exterior Management, senior management must discuss this issue before we make a final decision. In the meantime, Assistant Manager of Daughter Operations (AMDO) and Coordinator of Son Operations (CSO) may continue to patrol the exterior for dandelions, rocks, and sticks.

I am also pleased to report that our AMDO has finally completed her training, and is now a certified "Big Girl." She no longer requires special protective clothing or regular nighttime visits to the office restrooms. I am further pleased that our CSO is not far behind in his training. I fully anticipate he will receive probationary "Big Boy" status by the end of the calendar year.

Once again, President Daddy has taken on new responsibilities outside DFI, which make it necessary to be gone during normal business hours. CEO Mommy continues in her role as Chief Financial Officer, Chief Operating Officer, and General Manager. President Daddy still heads up the "Killing Spiders" task force, but has asked the MDO to suck it up and fill in when he is gone.

Special thanks to all of our junior staff for your wonderful behavior during the recent joint celebration with a contingency from Grandparents, Inc. and two members of Aunts and Uncles Amalgamated. I was very pleased to see all junior members behave in a professional manner befitting our organization.

On a serious note, we were all deeply saddened by the loss of the two Co-Chiefs of K9 Security, Chief Hannah and Chief Macy, within 12 months of each other. They were both fine employees, and we miss them. However, I am reluctant to replace them at this time, because both Co-Chiefs had a bad habit of "leaving evidence" in the kitchen, despite constant supervision and attention.

I do appreciate suggestions of possible replacements, but most of the candidates don't have the requisite size or experience to serve in a security detail. Plus, President Daddy has expressed grave concern that said replacements will be nothing more than eye candy. Reports that I have called them "little yippy nuisances" are greatly exaggerated. I believe the term was "furballs."

Furthermore, I don't think junior staff appreciates how much work and training a new K9 staffer will require. I would like to remind them, especially the MDO, how tensions arose when she was given the responsibility of the care and feeding of our chiefs.

Finally, I have noticed an increase in the amount of disharmony between the AMDO and CSO. It seems to happen most often when you work together on joint projects. While I fully support your sharing of ideas and opinions with each other, please refrain from doing so at the top of your lungs.

Although we have had some difficulties here at DFI since our last report, I am very pleased with our overall performance. Day-to-day operations continue to run smoothly, and our long-range outlook is positive. So keep up the good work, and try to remember that Saturdays are still officially sleep-in days for President Daddy.

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