As someone who finally has adult children — that is, children of an adult age; I’m well into my 50s, and I still don’t consider myself an "adult"— I am filled with wisdom that has been hard-won over the decades. Wisdom that comes from living life, eating excellent food and drink, and causing mischief and mayhem, much to my wife’s consternation.
Friends say I’m full of something, but "wisdom" is not the word that comes to mind. But what do they know? Certainly not as much as I do, because they’re all younger and generally stay out of trouble.
I want to share my wisdom with my own children-of-an-adult-age, as well as any other young people who are looking for some unwanted advice that they never really asked for or expected.
But occasionally, you will want to buy things that are a total waste of money. Things that seem totally unnecessary, but turn out to be one of your most prized possessions. The USB-rechargeable cracker warmer. The coffee mug that says "Coffee makes me poop." The tiny statue of Winston Churchill dressed as Elvis.
When we were kids, we always wanted to buy stupid, frivolous things, and our parents told us it was a waste of money. They projected their joylessness onto us, and now we’re carrying it into adulthood. So rebel a little bit and buy something stupid. There’s no one to stop you. Just don’t go overboard and spend all of your money, or else you’ll have to move back in with your parents, who will never let you hear the end of it.
Take the trip now, not "someday." Someday will never come because there will always be a reason not to go: Money’s tight. There’s too much going on at work. Your mom has a cold. The economy is bad. Society is in shambles. Do I even deserve to have a good time?
Yes, you do, so go. This will be something you remember for the rest of your life, and no one can ever take it away. I know people who have never traveled more than 50 miles from home and have never had a vacation in their lives, so they don’t even realize what they’ve missed.
This is also your chance to buy a Very Special stupid thing to remember your trip. The mug that says "Coffee makes me poop in Albuquerque" will make you smile for years, and you’ll think of the little gift shop at the Mechanical Bull Museum and Repair Center. Or, imagine how cool Winston Churchill dressed like a hula dancer will look on your bookshelf.
Take risks. Not huge financial risks, like investing your life savings in an emu farm, or jumping a dry river bed in your Honda. Do things like read your poetry in public, even if it’s not very good. Sing drunken karaoke at two in the morning with strangers. Eat sushi if you’ve never tried it. Wear that obnoxious shirt that you think looks cool.
Don’t let other people steal your joy and confidence. Too many people will try to get you to fit in and be "normal." Resist them; there are enough people who dress and look alike in the world already. Dress in a way that makes you happy, not them.
When I was in the 8th grade, my mom’s friend brought me a dashiki, and I wore it to school one day. (We didn’t know about cultural appropriation then.) Everyone in first period laughed at me, and I was so embarrassed, I wore my coat the rest of the day, and I never wore the shirt again. That stopped me from wearing cool things ever since, which is a shame, because I really want a kilt.
Hang out with weird people. I can tell you from personal experience, the weird ones in high school become cool people later. They have interesting stories, they’ve led interesting lives, and they’re living their dreams as adults.
The popular kids in my high school are now some of the most boring, most dreary adults I have ever met. They peaked in high school, and everything just went downhill from there. The best they can do is meet once every five years and relive what they once lost.
They took boring jobs, own minivans, and get excited whenever khakis are on sale. They’re so lifeless and dull, the biggest thrill they get is going three miles over the speed limit, and they don’t have a creative or weird bone in their body.
But your weird friends are the exciting ones: the artists, writers, actors, and musicians. They're the ones the cool kids wish they could have been but will never be. The cool kids laughed at them in high school, but they’re now doing what they love.
Those are my four biggest pieces of advice. If you’re starting out into adulthood, there’s still time for you to turn into someone nice and weird. Don’t let the normies squash what’s interesting. Fly your freak flag and let everyone else rally around it.
Maybe I’ll even join you. With my kilt.
Photo credit: Andrew Fogg (Wikimedia Commons, Creative Commons 2.0)
My new humor novel, Mackinac Island Nation, is finished and available from 4 Horsemen Publications. You can get the ebook and print versions here.