\Ask any proud alum of Muncie Central High School about their mascot, and we’ll puff out our chests and declare, "We’re the Muncie Central Bearcats!"
Then you’ll ask, "What’s a bearcat?"
And we’ll deflate our chests and sigh. "I don’t know."
To be honest, I never knew what a bearcat was until I started researching this column. I thought it was some kind of bobcat. The University of Cincinnati’s mascot is also the bearcat, and they probably don’t know what it is either.
The bearcat is better known as the binturong (Arctictis binturong), which is native to South and Southeast Asia. It eats plants, insects, and even smaller animals. The scientific name, Arctictis, comes from the Greek for "bear-weasel," while in the Western Malayo-Polynesian languages, it more or less means "squirrel" and "the one who descends."
When choosing a mascot name, pick one that’s tough and physically intimidating. That’s hard to do when yours is known for its bushy prehensile tail and popcorn-scented musk glands.
When I was growing up in Delaware County, Indiana, we also had the Northside Titans, Southside Rebels, Burris Owls, Delta Eagles, Wes-Del Warriors, and Wapahani Raiders. In elementary school, I was a North View Rocket. In middle school, I was a McKinley Bulldog. And in college, I was a Ball State Cardinal.
Sure, the cardinal is Indiana’s official state bird, but they’re not known for their viciousness. Their bills can crush seeds, but we have a hard time crushing our opponents.
But other mascots, especially for football teams, have tough, manly names, like the Chicago Eye-Gougers, the Memphis Atomic Pile Drivers, or the Fargo Axe Handles to the Shinsters.
I was curious about other mascots, so I turned to my friend, Doug Halper, who has spent the last five years collecting unusual high school and college mascot names. He even wrote a story about what he found.
For example, he found the Cobden Appleknockers of Cobden, Illinois; the Syrup Makers of Cairo, Georgia; and the Grape Pickers of North East High in North East, Pennsylvania.
Other agricultural mascots include the Ridgefield High Spudders in Washington State; the Artichokes of Scottsdale Community College in Arizona; or the Beetdiggers. That one’s a two-fer, because there are Beetdiggers in Brush, Colorado, and Sandy, Utah.
And we can’t forget Indiana’s own Logansport Berries? The school was never very specific about what kind of berry, so I always hoped they were raspberries, because that’s my favorite.
There are the Wasps of Emory & Henry College in Emory, Virginia, although I thought WASPS were usually found in Rhode Island.
The University of California in Santa Cruz are the Banana Slugs, which has to be one of the ickiest mascot names on Doug’s list. I don’t know which is slimier: the Banana Slugs, the Eels of Clay City, Indiana, or Delta State University’s mascot, the Okra.
There are Gorillas in Pittsburg, Kansas, and Davenport, Wash. And there are Hillbillies in Ozark, Arkansas, which I don’t find hard to believe. What is hard to believe is that there are Hillbillies in Fredonia, New York, and Verona, New Jersey.
"Hey, what’re y’all looking at? I’m fixing to walk here!"
Some mascots are extra violent, like the Keelhaulers of the California State Maritime Academy. Keelhauling is when you tie a rope around a person’s waist, throw them into the water, and drag them the length of the ship, which usually resulted in drowning. At least it’s better than being called the Beheaders or Gut Stabbers.
Other mascots are criminals, like the Yuma, Arizona Criminals. Don’t forget the Columbia College Claim Jumpers in Sonora, California; the Rawlins, Wyoming Outlaws; Vandals at the University of Idaho; and the Clear Creek Golddiggers in Evergreen, Colorado. They’re playing the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills High next week.
There are Witches in Brewer, Maine, and Salem, Massachusetts; Galloping Ghosts in Abington, Pennsylvania; and Gorloks at Webster University in St. Louis.
But not everyone has a violent and intimidating mascot. Some are downright soft and non-threatening. Both Montgomery, Alabama, and Whittier, California, have Poets; Morton, Illinois has Potters; John Marshall High in Los Angeles has the Barristers; Tillamook, Oregon and Monroe, Wisconsin have the Cheesemakers; and Heidelberg University in Ohio is filled with Student Princes. Including the women.
Some mascot names are tailor-made for their city. There’s the Oysters of Rocky Mountain High in Carbondale, Colorado; the Conchs in Key West, Florida; the Crabbers in Crisfield, Maryland; the Spark Plugs in Speedway, and the Hot Dogs in Frankfort, both in Indiana.
There are Wooden Shoes in Teutopolis, Illinois; Thunderducks at Richland College in Dallas; Russets in Shelly, Idaho; and Poca Dots in Poca, West Virginia.
But best of all, and my favorite high school matchup, has to be the Pretzels of both New Berlin and Freeport, Illinois. Maybe they can play the Miller High Brewers of Corpus Christi, Texas, and the Frankfort High Hot Dogs of Indiana, and make it a real party.
Photo credit: Tassilo Rau (Wikimedia Commons, GNU Free Documentation License 1.2)
My new humor novel, Mackinac Island Nation, is finished and available from 4 Horsemen Publications. You can get the ebook and print versions here.