Kids these days! We Gen Xers can only roll our eyes at some of the things we see from the generation born between 1997 and 2012. They can’t communicate in person, they can’t do anything without their parents’ input, and they have no idea why Gen Xers are so broken up about losing Ozzy Osbourne.
They don’t know that millions of Gen X metalheads pledged fealty to the Prince of Darkness (that’s Ozzy for those of you flashing back to the Satanic Panic of the '80s) as he taught us how to Party With The Animals. (That’s an Ozzy song reference, for you young people.)
When it comes to the pampered Zoomers versus the feral Gen Xers, there’s no comparison.
When I was in college, you went to a party or a concert, you consumed things you weren’t supposed to, you yelled and sang at the top of your lungs, puked in a garbage can, got home at 5:00, and woke up in time for your 8:00 class.
Which was unfortunate, because it was Saturday morning.
Not Gen Z. They leave concerts early!
The British media are calling this year the Summer of Pop because Millennials and Zoomers are going gaga over concerts from Oasis, Billie Eilish, and Sam Fender. And the children of the 90s are making big plans to see bands that were huge in their non-misspent youths.
To celebrate, Holiday Inn Express in the United Kingdom conducted a study, polling 2,000 people, and they found something that will make Gen Xers weep: One in four Gen Z/Millennial concert-goers — most of them Gen Z — will skip the encore and leave a show early.
According to an article in The Scotsman (official motto: Och, don’t be daft!), as many as 51% of adults are typically worn out and fried after their show.
The study also found that 40% of all Gen Z concertgoers will leave a show early so they can stay "fresh" and not feel run down the next day. Compare that to the Millennials, who will suck it up and stick around, with 56% of them admitting they’re "fried" the next morning.
Unlike the Gen Xers, who go straight to the office from the show, still smelling of stale beer and 4:00 a.m. diner burgers.
It’s all part of Holiday Inn Express’ "Fresh or Fried" promotional campaign, which — shockingly — does not include Gen X.
The study also found that nearly 80% of Britons are willing to travel up to 1,000 miles to see their favorite artists. But not all of them will stick around to the end, no matter how far they traveled.
So, you’re willing to travel longer than the length of the United Kingdom — 838 miles by road, between Land’s End, Cornwall, and John o’ Groats, Caithness* — but you’re going to leave the show early? Why? Does your mommy want you home?
(* It doesn’t matter where the landmarks are, I really wanted to say "John o’ Groats.")
It’s roughly 1,000 miles between Orlando and Indianapolis, and it takes me two days to make that drive. But if I travel that far to go to a concert, I’m staying until security says, "Dude, just leave. We want to go home!"
Besides, if I spend a few hundred dollars on tickets, I’m not ducking out early to get more sleep. That’s what the weekend is for.
"What about self-care?" you’re probably wondering. At least, you are if you’re under 40.
According to Holiday Inn Express, once Gen Zers get home from a concert, 76% drink water and 81% take a shower, like a bunch of nerds. A bunch of fresh-faced, pleasant-smelling nerds.
Meanwhile, 36% of Millennials will scroll on their phones instead of going to sleep, and 24% of them will skip their skincare routines.
Watch out, all you other generations. Millennials are cutting loose. No skincare routine AND they’re scrolling Instagram for hours? Do these guys know how to party or what? Ozzy's got nothing on you guys!
Actually, I can’t find fault with that. Nothing beats a midday nap, I don’t care who you are. I will fight anyone who says naps are for children, because I’m well-rested and you’re a big poo-poo head.
And the morning after a show? The Millennials are on the right track. They’re catching up on sleep and rehydrating, with 26% of them sleeping in and 23% listening to music. They’re also fretting about their pores now, too.
On the other hand, 26% of Gen Z concert goers are getting up and doing something active with their day, 48% of them will eat a healthy breakfast, and 25% of them will work out. These people must be stopped. They’re a menace to society and a bad influence on our children.
Gen X, on the other hand, will stumble into bed around 6:00 a.m., sleep until 3:00, get up, shower (maybe), eat lunch, and start the whole thing all over again after dinner.
Rest in peace, Ozzy. At least some of us remember what you taught us.
Photo credit: Ozzy Osbourne concert in Halifax - Figure 8 (Wikimedia Commons, Creative Commons 3.0)
Photo credit: Ozzy Osbourne (1982) - Ted Van Pelt (Wikimedia Commons, Creative Commons 2.0)
My new humor novel, Mackinac Island Nation, is finished and available from 4 Horsemen Publications. You can get the ebook and print versions here.
My new humor novel, Mackinac Island Nation, is finished and available from 4 Horsemen Publications. You can get the ebook and print versions here.