Time Traveler Reveals Life in the Year 4000

Have you ever wished you could know what the future be like in 500 or even 1,000 years?

Now you can, thanks to a mystery man named "John," who has traveled from the year 4000 to 2018 to tell us how much the world will change over the next 1882 years.

This is according to a story in the (London) Daily Mirror, which said a "time traveller from the year 4000 reveals 'future cars,'" prompting a fierce and vigorous debate over whether it's spelled "traveler"or "traveller."

John was interviewed by Apex TV for their YouTube channel, who blurred out his face and disguised his voice so he sounds like an electronic Andre the Giant.

Either that, or this is how everyone looks and sounds in the future. I hate electronically distorted voices because they're sinister and creepy. The only thing worse would be if everyone in the future also looked like clowns and had snakes for hair.

During the 20 minute interview, held in the back of a taxi cab, John described some of the things we can expect to see in his era.

For one thing, cars can float and fly, so there are no more traffic jams and it's impossible to have a traffic accident. Also, cars are built by smart robots that have artificial intelligence. John even showed a picture of his car, the model DR-18, which I've been told is a huge improvement over the slower, less reliable DR-17. But it still doesn't compare to the classic lines of the DR-11, which had tail fins. However, they had to discontinue the DR-11 after the holo-vid documentary, "Unsafe At Any Altitude."

The car was made by Zucar, the company where John is the CEO, although John said there is no such thing as money anymore. Which makes me wonder if there are still suckers in the year 4000, because floating cars or not, I ain't working for free.

Also, John said he's 132 years old, but only looks 25 because, as the Daily Mirror said, he was "injected with health since birth" which is an odd way to say it.

It's like saying the models of the future had been injected with pretty and the athletes were injected with strong. Either that, or they can really do that in the future.

I was intrigued by John's claims and wondered if they were actually true. So I did a little investigating on my own and learned a few things that happened between now and the year 4000.

For one thing, they're still arguing about whether 4000 is the beginning of the new millennium or the last year of the old one. (It's the end of the old one, 4001 starts the new millennium. I will fight you about this!)

Even after the merger of World Wrestling Entertainment and the National Football League in 2123, Bill Belichick is still regarded as the cheatingest coach in all football history.

A single Disney World day pass now costs the Gross National Product of Spain.

In 2467, over 2,000 members of the Flat Earth society were fired off-planet in a rocket specially made for "research purposes." Their last message to Earth was "Huh. What do you know?" Then we turned off the lights and pretended nobody was home.

Cindy Crawford still looks fabulous.

In 2645, Texas threatened to secede from the Union, so the rest of the country helped them pack and gave them 20 bucks for gas.

In 2787, Europe collapsed and the U.S., Russia, and China followed a few years later. But power, like nature, abhors a vacuum, and new world powers emerged: Belgium and the Franco-German Republic became Europe's new superpowers and formed the new G7 coalition with New New Zealand, Uru-Paraguay, Unified Korea, New Quebec, and Guam.

Kanye West is regarded as a prophet and millions of followers pray to Yeezus by kneeling and facing toward Brooklyn three times a day.

In the year 2908, Florida sank below the ocean's surface thanks to a combination of rising sea levels and too many senior citizens moving there. On the plus side, this tipped the northwest region of the former U.S. up by 12 feet, which helped reduce temperatures there by 20 degrees.

The Great Submersion also put an end to Florida's spontaneous human combustions, which claimed hundreds of lives every summer.

Life does imitate art. Dinosaurs were cloned en masse in the year 3510 and wiped out Salt Lake City. Donald Trump the 518th stayed true to his family heritage by building a wall around Utah, which is now off-limits to all humans and anything that is not an apex predator.

Proving that evolution is real, in the year 3908, scientists discovered a species of amphibious humanoid in the Gulf of Floribama. The creatures were noted for their wrinkly skin, swimming slowly on the left side of the ocean, and only feeding at 4:30 in the afternoon.

And Betty White died that same year.

Photo credit: Frank Schwichtenberg (Wikimedia Commons, Creative Commons 4.0)

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