Nothing makes you feel your age more than someone telling you they "discovered" a thing you’ve known about for years. Like when Gen Zers "discovered" the Beatles, Star Wars, or a restaurant that has existed since the mid-1900s.
"Hey, did I tell you about this new restaurant I discovered?" your young friend says excitedly, as he takes you and a few others to this magical oasis for lunch. "It’s this little diner that serves hot dogs, burgers, and milkshakes."
"Oh, Mugly’s?" you exclaim as you pull into the parking lot. "Yeah, I’ve been here before."
"Hey, Erik! Usual table’s free," the server calls when you walk in. (Or whatever your name is.)
"Hey, Betty June. Good to see you. How’re the grandkids?" you call back.
Your friend’s heart shrivels up as the only thing they’ve discovered is a profound sense of disappointment.
If you’re a parent of teenagers and 20-somethings, you’ve probably experienced this more than once, usually with great joy.
I can’t count the number of times my son has asked to borrow my CDs or tells me he heard of one of my favorite bands from when I was a kid. Of course, as a professional musician, he is now a real student of music, so it’s irritating when I mention an obscure artist, and he tells me he’s heard of them. How am I supposed to introduce cool music to him when he’s already been listening to it for five years?
Last year, I was riding in my friend’s car when her teenage son asked if we had ever heard of Carol Burnett because she was in a new sitcom he really liked. We spent the next 20 minutes filling him in on her career.
These amazing new discoveries are the reason that Gen Z is now called the "Christopher Columbus Generation." The name refers to genocidal Italian explorer Christopher Columbus, who supposedly "discovered America," even though there had been long-established indigenous communities in place, and took credit for finding it in the first place.
Like their namesake, the Columbus generation is discovering things that the rest of us have known for many years.
The trend started in 2025, when the internet lost its mind as TikTokkers discovered that if they put McDonald’s soft-serve ice cream in Coca-Cola, it tasted amazing.
Congratulations, children. You invented the Coke float, which has been around since 1874.
And they announce their discovery with all the confidence of a kid who knows they’re going to win a participation trophy.
"Hey, I just discovered Quiet Walks. That’s where you take a walk, but you don’t take your phone or any music with you."
Walking, kids. You discovered walking. This is how we got places when our parents wouldn’t take us to the mall in the covered wagon. Did you also discover a thing that’s like an electric bicycle, but you have to pedal it all the time?
"Guess what I discovered! If you plant a garlic bulb in a flower pot filled with dirt, you can grow more garlic."
Excellent, you discovered gardening. Do you think that if I planted a seed from my tomato, a tomato plant would grow? Or would it be another garlic plant? Ooh, hey, what would happen if I planted a strawberry? More garlic?
"I’ve been quiet quitting at work. That’s where you do the bare minimum that’s expected of you and slack off the rest of the time."
Astounding. No one has ever slacked off at work before. You’re truly a trendsetter. What did we ever do before this? Work for eight hours straight, like a chump?
Recently, Gen Xers were shocked at the reaction to Sabrina Carpenter bringing international superstar Madonna onto the stage at Coachella, only for some Gen Z music fans to complain that they had never heard of her.
As if that meant Madonna wasn’t known by the billions of people in the world who were born before the turn of the century.
Blogger Blair Channing Rae told Newsweek magazine that the "funniest thing about Gen Z isn’t what they don’t know. It’s the confidence with which they don’t know it." She says this is posturing, and that, "It’s actually a claim: that significance begins at the moment of personal encounter, and that anything outside that encounter can be safely dismissed."
"I discovered a little box in my car that plays music when I turn it on, and it’s totally free! It’s ad-supported, and — get this! — it works without wifi. I’m streaming random music in my car, and I don’t even need a mobile app to do it." (I made this one up; the others are real.)
I started to worry that Gen Z was going to complain about this column, until I realized they haven’t discovered newspapers yet, so I’m good.
Photo credit: Possibly by Edward H. Hart (Public Domain, Wikimedia Commons)
My new humor novel, Mackinac Island Nation, is finished and available from 4 Horsemen Publications. You can get the ebook and print versions here.