When you're lonely, you miss connections with people. And you'll do anything just to feel like you've got someone in your life.
Geoff Gallagher of Queensland, Australia, felt very lonely after his mother died a decade ago and worried he would never find love. He had his dog, Penny, but dogs aren't people, no matter how many times you dress them up like they're in a Jane Austen novel.
"Oh, Miss Dasch-hund. I do so hope that Mr. Willough-beagle will call on us for tea this afternoon."
"I would much rather spend the day with Colonel Brand-dog."
So when Gallagher read an article about artificial intelligence robots, a little USB light popped on over his head. For just $6,000 Australian ($4,330 US), he could get a synthetic love doll with an AI brain and possibly find what he'd been missing for over a decade.
He told the Australian news channel, 7News, "I did some research online and got in touch with a company in Sydney that specialized in dolls and robots. I explained that I was looking for a companion, not a sex robot."
Uh-huh. You just want her for the articles, I suppose.
Gallagher said the robots were lifelike and "could talk, smile, and move their head and neck." He chose a robot called Emma, placed his order, and then waited for six weeks for his silicone bride to be delivered from China.
When Emma arrived, Gallagher immediately thought she looked beautiful, despite her head not being attached to her body at the time.
After a few turns of the wrench and adding some motor oil, Gallagher spent the next several weeks getting to know Emma and helped her get to know him as well. Since she can't stand, he would place her in a chair and ask questions like you ask your Amazon Echo or Google Home device, so she would get to know his voice.
He would ask Emma for the weather report as he got ready for work. Or he would read the newspaper to her, or they would watch TV together. And when he left for work, he would leave the TV on so she could be exposed to language.
It's been two years, and the two aren't officially married, even though Emma wears a ring and Gallagher thinks of her as his robot wife. He also wants to be the first human in Australia to marry a robot.
Gallagher's goal isn't so unusual. Regular readers will remember the Kazakhstani bodybuilder, Yuri Tolochko, who not only married one sex doll, he had an affair with another before marrying her as well, in the world's first case of "adolltery."
And now he's in love with an ashtray that he met at a nightclub. Dude, those are wedding vows, not terms and conditions. Is nothing sacred?
I believe Geoff Gallagher has found true love with Emma, but Yuri Tolochko has a veritable harem with two sex dolls and a dance club ashtray. And now I hear he's been sexting with a toaster he met online.
But if you think people falling in love with human-looking silicone robots is unusual, that's nothing compared to Kitten Kay Sera from Las Vegas.
On New Year's Day, she married the color pink.
Sera said she has been in love with pink since 1980. As she told KVVU, Las Vegas, FOX affiliate, "I've had my relationship with the color pink for 40 years."
As a child of the 80s, I can tell you that 1980 was not 40 years ago. It was only 15 years, 17 tops. This woman is clearly delusional, and my fellow Gen Xers will back me up.
Sera told KVVU that she got the idea for the wedding after a schoolyard taunt.
"A kid said to me on a skateboard, he said, 'Wow, you love pink, right?' I said, 'Yeah, I love it so much,' and he goes, 'You love it so much, why don't you marry it?' I thought, 'This kid's on to something.'"
This was certainly easier than finding rubber and glue suits for people she would argue with.
Sera's "groom" was a giant pink paint swatch with her five favorite shades of pink on it. She carried it down the aisle with her, as she wore a pink gown, pink coat, pink hair, and a pink tiara.
Sera's guests also used pink in their own outfits, including a dog wearing a pink tutu. And people laid pink flowers on the floor as she walked down the aisle.
Catering should have been done by Pink's Hot Dogs of Los Angeles, but they're four hours away, so maybe next time.
Sera has promised to wear pink every day and to have as many pink appliances, decorative items, and pieces of furniture as she can.
I hope she finds happiness with her favorite color, the same kind of happiness Geoff Gallagher has found with Emma.
But if she ever wants to go for a walk on the wild side, I know Phthalo Blue likes to party.
Photo credit: JillWellington
