Do you have any friends? How many? How many of them can you count on in a pinch? How many of them will help you in a crisis?
According to the Pew Research Center, 53% of American adults currently have between one and four close friends; 38% of them have five or more.
Other research has said we will only have 29 close friends over our lifetime, and only six of those will go the distance. Where or what that distance is, I don't know. Maybe it means never leaving your hometown.
You'll have plenty of friends throughout your life, I hope. School friends, work friends, teammates, frenemies, even that guy you nodded to at the bar that one time. Some friends will come, some will go, and still others will be with you your entire life.
I've known people who have been friends since they met in kindergarten more than 50 years ago, and I know people who were best friends in college and never saw each other after graduation.
What kinds of friends have you had over the years?
Your High School Best Friend You Don't See Anymore: You took the same classes, hung out at the mall, stayed overnight at their place, shared clothes, shared secrets, and laughed and cried with them. Then you went your separate ways and never saw each other again, until you bumped into them at your 20-year high school reunion. It was awkward.
The Barely A Friend In A New Situation: Remember that time you found yourself in a new situation, like going to college out of state or enlisting in the military, and you didn't know a single person. Then you saw that one kid you barely knew from school, and the two of you latched onto one another like a life ring in a storm. You became good friends until your shared experience was over. You also realized why you weren't friends in school.
Your Wife's Best Friend's Husband: Whenever your wife hangs out with her friend, and she brings her husband, like a grown man's playdate. You're introduced, and the two wives look on proudly as you shout, "Hey, you wanna see my garage?" You both race off to play with tools and drink beer. You become good friends, even after your wives' friendship crashes and burns, at which time you're expected to break up, but secretly see each other on the side.
Your Husband's Best Friend's Wife: You secretly hated each other from day one.
That Kid Who Became Famous: "Oh, my God, it's so good to see you! We're all so proud of you. I always knew you would make it big. I remember telling my mom, 'You just watch, they're going to be a big star one day!' Honestly, I said that. And I've followed your career ever since. Anyway, can you get me some tickets to your thing next weekend?"
The Bury a Body Friend: This is the friend you trust to have your back; they'll stick with you through thick or thin. The friend who you call and say, "I need to bury a body," and they won't ask any questions. They'll show up in their SUV, windows tinted, with a couple of shovels and a plastic tarp in the back. If you're lucky, you'll have three or four of these friends in your life. But this isn't the pinnacle of friendship. No, your one true friend is. . .
The Help You Move Friend: These are the people who will help you pack your stuff, load it into the truck, take an extra load in their car, and help you unload. Plus, you'll buy pizza and beer to help everyone keep their energy up.
Warning: Nothing kills a Help You Move Friendship faster than mediocre chain pizza. Professional movers make a few thousand bucks carting your crap across town, let alone the country, so don't insult a Help You Move Friend with Papa John's or Domino's. Get the good stuff!
The Stop By When You're In Town Friend: The friend you were close to, but life and distance have kept you apart, and other than an occasional text or phone call, you really don't get a chance to visit unless one of you is in town. These are the friends you still love, but you feel guilty for not staying in touch, especially if they were Bury a Body or Help You Move friends. So milk that guilt for a free place to stay when you're visiting, or get them to buy dinner.
After all, that's what friends are for, right?
Photo credit: Cheryl Holt (Pixabay, Creative Commons 0)
My new humor novel, Mackinac Island Nation, is finished and available from 4 Horsemen Publications. You can get the ebook and print versions here.