"We’re finally winning!" Karl crowed, sitting down in the booth across from me.
Huh? I looked up from my phone, distracted. I was at The Tilting Windmill, my favorite Dutch-themed restaurant, and Karl had joined me for a late lunch. We hadn’t seen each other for a couple of months, so we decided it would be a good time to get together.
Hello, Karl, I said. It’s good to see you, too. I’m doing well, thank you for asking.
Karl rolled his eyes. "You starting in on me again?" he asked.
No, I’m still going from last time, I answered. Anyway, what are we winning? Did you get a lottery ticket?
"No, we’re winning the war on language. We’re holding the line against the incursion."
There’s a war on language? I said. Who are we fighting with? And who is 'we?'
Karl pulled out his phone. "Texting, Kid. We’re winning the war on text-speak. And 'we' are the people who use English correctly. The people who speak in full sentences and use proper punctuation and grammar."
You realize how elitist that sounds, don’t you? I said.
"I don’t care. I’m 73 years old, and this is one of the only things I’m good at anymore, so I plan on clinging to this for as long as I can. I can’t even sleep through the night without getting up three times to pee, so this is all I have left."
I waved to Nicolaas, the waiter, that we were ready to order.
"I’ll have the barbecue bacon cheeseburger and fries, please, Nico," said Karl.
Same for me, I said. Only I said it in Dutch because I’ve been learning it on Duolingo, and I’ve reached the annoying-everyone-with-it stage in my education. So, how are we winning the war on text-speak exactly? I asked.
"I found an article online that said young people are starting to push back against texting language and abbreviations, which means text-speak may be dying."
Seriously? That doesn’t sound right. I thought that was here to stay.
And you’re hoping that these young people will damage their relationships further? I asked.
"No, that’s terrible!" said Karl. "I don’t wish anyone would end their relationship. Except my ex-wife and her new boyfriend. That guy’s a jerk."
Nicolaas set our lunches in front of us and brought refills of our drinks (pop, not soda, because we’re from Indiana).
"What’s happening," Karl continued, "is that people are pushing back against text-speak and text-based abbreviations as being insincere and lazy. Basically, people who type 'plz' or 'rly' are telling their prospective friends and partners that they aren’t worth the extra letters. And the people who receive those shortened messages are responding less favorably to them."
Wait, so the people who invented text-speak no longer want to use text-speak? I said, my mouth full of cheeseburger.
"Technically, Millennials invented text-speak, not Gen Z. Don’t you remember the days of texting on flip phones? I’d have to hit '5' three times just to type a K. I still remember how I had to type my name: 5-5-5 2-2 7-7-7-7 5-5-5-5."
I just didn’t text people, I said.
"I’m glad you have friends now, though," Karl snarked.
I showed him one of my fingers, which he ignored. He continued, "So this PhD student surveyed over 1,100 people by giving them near-identical text messages, one with text-speak, the other properly spelled. Every time, the participants rated the abbreviating sender as less sincere and less worthy of a reply."
Even for close friends or romantic partners? I would think you could get away with it with someone you’re close to.
"Not at all," said Karl. "Even the people who imagined chatting with a longtime friend said they felt put off by the shortened words. What’s more, that sense of disappointment sort of ruined how authentic the interaction felt."
So, people are turned off by text-speak, no matter who the other person is? I asked.
"Exactly. Which is why I think we’re turning the tide on this text-speak nonsense by young people. Pretty soon, we could go back to using correctly-spelled words and writing in full sentences."
Don’t count on it, I said. You’re talking about a generation of people who are afraid of punctuation in text messages and think the thumbs-up emoji is hostile. Besides, I’ve got college students who put 'lol' and 'OMG' in their papers, and that’s not going to stop anytime soon.
"But don’t you see?" said Karl, popping the last bite of cheeseburger into his mouth. "If people continue to speak out against text speak from close friends and romantic partners, how soon will it be before the language pendulum swings the other way and they all go back to speaking and writing the way things should be done? I only hope we can get the pendulum to swing the other way before too many other people get infected."
Uh-oh, I said. Ur 2 L8.
Photo credit: AlbertoAdan (Pixabay, Creative Commons 0)
My new humor novel, Mackinac Island Nation, is finished and available from 4 Horsemen Publications. You can get the ebook and print versions here.