Last week, while alleged NSA leaker Edward Snowden reprised Tom Hanks' role from "The Terminal" in the Sheremetyevo Airport in Moscow, he received a marriage proposal from Anna Chapman via Twitter.
Chapman is the redheaded Russian spy who was arrested in the U.S. in 2010 and sent back to Russia in a Cold War-style 10-spy swap ("we'll give you Chapman for Tim Tebow and two spies to be named later").
With a little investigating of my own, I've managed to dig up the entire Twitter conversation that followed.
RussianRedAC: @NSALeaker Snowden, will you marry me?!
NSALeaker: May be difficult. Stuck in Sheremetyevo airport until further notice.
RussianRedAC: I know. You're all over Russian news. I live just 5 miles from you.
NSALeaker: Just checked your Twitter page. I remember you. Watch your TV show here in SVO. Fmr employer kept tabs on you.
RussianRedAC: I know. That's how I got caught.
NSALeaker: No, I mean up until 2 months ago. Then I had to flee country.
RussianRedAC: Um, eww?!
NSALeaker: I know. Sorry. #NotMyJob
RussianRedAC: Not your fault. Think it might have been ex-boyfriend.
NSALeaker: It wasn't @CIA_Stud, was it?
RussianRedAC: Oh dear God. #awkward
CIA_Stud: Hey @RussianRedAC. Long time, no see. Not since. . . incident in NYC. Still think of you.
RussianRedAC: Oh hey, @CIA_Stud. Things going well here. Have own TV show now. #LivingTheDream
CIA_Stud: I know. Me & the boys from office watch it over lunch breaks.
MapleLeafSpy: @RussianRedAC, what's this I hear about you proposing to @NSALeaker? Thought you and I were exclusive.
Pentagon_Dave: @MapleLeafSpy, she told me same thing. #whatatangledweb
CIA_Stud: Ha, @MapleLeafSpy + @Pentagon_Dave = LOSERS! We used to laugh at how naive you were.
RussianRedAC: Um, spy, remember? #coverstory
CIA_Stud: But. . . even me?
RussianRedAC: Da, comrade. ;-) #sorrycharlie
CIA_Stud: Can't handle this. Can't breathe.
Pentagon_Dave: HA! @CIA_Stud = Catfish! www.bit.ly/catfished
MapleLeafSpy: Wait a minute, @CIA_Stud, you're not that big blowhard she used to talk about, are you? What was her name for you?
Pentagon_Dave: It was Simpering Steve!
MapleLeafSpy: Oh wow, that was totally it! LOL
CIA_Stud: Hey, screw you! I'll come up to Canada, you'll meet my fists, Lincoln and Washington!
NSALeaker: Yeah, don't mess with U.S. I know where your national maple syrup stockpile is. #StillAnAmerican
MapleLeafSpy: Dude! 1. No, you don't. That's a secret. 2. I could lose my job. #becool
Pentagon_Dave: @NSALeaker, if you can share that, we could look the other way at SVO for a few minutes. #justsaying
MapleLeafSpy: @NSALeaker, I'm begging you. Please, be cool.
NSALeaker: Alright, DM me. Maybe we can work something out.
RussianRedAC: So, @NSALeaker, what do you say? Marriage sound good? You get citizen protection, amnesty.
NSALeaker: Don't know. Venezuela, Ecuador, Bolivia all offering nice options. Gets cold in Russia.
RussianRedAC: True, but we have high-speed Internet.
NSALeaker: Also, I have a girlfriend.
Leaker_GF: Not anymore! Seriously, you name climate as reason #1 not to marry Russian slut spy, and not me?
RussianRedAC: Maybe so, b****, but I'm also 5 miles away. You're 1/2 way around the entire world.
Leaker_GF: Just say the word, @RussianRedAC. I'll fly over there and kick your frozen ass!
NSATail: Sorry, @Leaker_GF, we can't let you leave the country.
Leaker_GF: @NSALeaker, can't you do something about this?
NSALeaker: Um, fugitive, remember?
Freelance_Ops: @Leaker_GF, I see you're having problem with spies and foreign governments. For $10K USD, we can provide a solution.
** Freelance_Ops has been blocked and reported for spam. **
RussianRedAC: So, @NSALeaker, what do you say? Free for coffee later today?
NSALeaker: Sure. Not like I have to be anywhere. #freebutnotfree
RussianRedAC: Be there in an hour.
NSALeaker: Do you know where to find me?
RussianRedAC: Sure, Old roommate is on your security detail. I mean, works at the Starbucks near you. I'll be carrying a yellow rose.
MapleLeafSpy: Dude, watch out for the yellow rose! #ItsATrap
Pentagon_Dave: Yeah, I fell for that twice. #holdyourbreath
CIA_Stud: What? You told me that was a symbol of our special bond!
MapleLeafSpy: Me too.
Pentagon_Dave: Me too. First time I thought I was just sleepy.
RussianRedAC: Um, spy, remember?
BolivianHottie: @NSALeaker, Snowden, will you marry me?!
RussianRedAC: Back off, @BolivianHottie! I got here first.
BolivianHottie: Oops, sorry @RussianRedAC. Second time we've done that, huh? Didn't know you were still working. #professionalhazard
RussianRedAC: Ix-nay on the orking-way!
VenezuelanVenus: @NSALeaker, Snowden, you free for dinner tonight? I can carry in Chinese.
BolivianHottie: Forget it, @VenezuelanVenus. @RussianRedAC already beat us to it.
VenezuelanVenus: Dammit! Second time that's happened!
MapleLeafSpy: Claudia, is that you?
The second edition of Branding Yourself: How to Use Social Media to Invent or Reinvent Yourself (affiliate link), and my other book, No Bullshit Social Media: The All-Business, No-Hype Guide to Social Media Marketing are both available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Books-A-Million, or for the Kindle or Nook.
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