Skip to main content

A Moving Experience

A Moving Experience
Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2007

"Can someone please open the door?"

"Thanks, Sweetie. I appreciate it."

"No, I'm sorry, you can't help me move."

"Because this box is heavy."

"They're all heavy."

"You can't climb into the moving van either."

"Because I don't want to trip over you."

"Because we're trying to get all the boxes out of it."

"Yes, and the furniture."

"Because we're moving into a new house."

"Because we like it."

"No, there's nothing wrong with the old house. We just don't want to live there anymore."

"Because we like this one better."

"Because it's -- no, Buddy, put that down."

"No, you can't help."

"Because it's too heavy."

"Yes it is. Look, you can barely carry it."

"Fine, take it downstairs for me."

"I thought so. Just set it over there, and I'll get it in a minute."

"Can you guys let me go? This box is getting heavy."

"I'll be back in a minute, then I'll see if there's anything you can help me with."

"Where's Mommy?"

"In the what room?"

"Never mind. I'll find her."

"There you are."

"No, I can't take my shoes off. I'm not taking my shoes off every time I come in and out of the house."

"Because I'm in and out every 30 seconds. That just wastes time."

"Fine, then you move boxes, and take your shoes off every time. I'll stay in here and unpack."

"All right then. So, where do you want this?"

"Okay. Oh sh-- I mean, jeez, my back."

"I did not swear."

"No, I almost swore. There's a big difference."

"No, I don't do it in front of the kids."

"I do not."

"That's a load of . . . crap."

"See, I didn't even do it then."

"We're about halfway done with the stuff in the truck, and we still have the big furniture to go. I don't know if I'm going to make it."

"I'll see if I can find the ibuprofen. I'm going to get back out there."

"Hey, Honey, what are you doing out here?"

"Okay, you can help. Just be careful going down the truck ramp. I don't want you falling on a box."

"Because you might break something."

"I'm just kidding. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Wait, where's your brother?"

"GAAH! Don't do that!"

"Stop hiding in the empty boxes, Buddy."

"Because you scared me."

"Yeah, yeah, very funny. I'm halfway to a heart attack already, and that doesn't help things."

"Because I'm carrying all this heavy stuff."

"Yes, Buddy, I know Grandpa is helping too."

"No, he's not having a heart attack."

"No, I'm not having a heart attack either."

"I just like complaining more than he does."

"No, Sweetie, I don't know where Herman is."

"Because I'm not in charge of your animals, you are."

"You were supposed to pack him."

"What do you mean, 'I'm only six?' You've built entire cities with Legos, and now you expect me to believe you can't pack a small stuffed frog?"

"That's what I thought. Check in the box in your room."

"What, Honey?"

"No, I can't plug in the TV."

"Because we don't have the cable turned on yet."

"I don't know where the antenna is."

"We don't even have anything to set the TV on."

"The entertainment center is in the very back of the moving van."

"No, I'm not going to get it out."

"Because I have a lot of other stuff to get out first."

"I don't care if Hannah Montana is on, you're not going to be able to watch it."

"One, because we don't have cable. Two, because we can't pick up Disney channel with the antenna. And three, because the TV is still at the old house."

"Did you just say what I thought you said?"

"That's good. And don't let Mommy hear you say that. Where did you learn that anyway?"

"I do not say that!"

"Well, not in front of you anyway."


"Where's your brother?"

"Oh no, I'm not falling for that again."

"Hmm, let's see. Why don't I take this new box, and . . . spin it around!"

"Uh oh, what's that sound? Something sounds broken."

"Oh, sh-- I mean, crap. I broke one of the wine glasses."


"Buddy, quit doing that!"

"I thought you were in that other box."

"Yeah, yeah, very funny."

"Don't do that ag -- hey, I've got an idea. Get back in the box."

"I'm going to get Mommy. We'll see who swears in front of the kids now."


Popular posts from this blog

AYFKMWTS?! FBI Creates 88 Page Twitter Slang Guide


Did you get that? It's an acronym. Web slang. It's how all the teens and young people are texting with their tweeters and Facer-books on their cellular doodads.

It stands for "The FBI has created an eighty-eight page Twitter slang dictionary."

See, you would have known that if you had the FBI's 88 page Twitter slang dictionary.

Eighty-eight pages! Of slang! AYFKMWTS?! (Are you f***ing kidding me with this s***?! That's actually how they spell it in the guide, asterisks and everything. You know, in case the gun-toting agents who catch mobsters and international terrorists get offended by salty language.)

I didn't even know there were 88 Twitter acronyms, let alone enough acronyms to fill 88 pieces of paper.

The FBI needs to be good at Twitter because they're reading everyone's tweets to see if anyone is planning any illegal activities. Because that's what terrorists do — plan their terroristic activities publicly, as if they were…

Understanding 7 Different Types of Humor

One of my pet peeves is when people say they have a "dry" sense of humor, without actually understanding what it actually means.

"Dry" humor is not just any old type of humor. It's not violent, not off-color, not macabre or dark.

Basically, dry humor is that deadpan style of humor. It's the not-very-funny joke your uncle the cost analysis accountant tells. It's Bob Newhart, Steven Wright, or Jason Bateman in Arrested Development.

It is not, for the love of GOD, people, the Black Knight scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I swear, if anyone says Monty Python is "dry humor" is going to get a smack.

Here are some other types of comedy you may have heard and are just tossing around, willy-nilly.

Farce: Exaggerated comedy. Characters in a farce get themselves in an unlikely or improbable situation that takes a lot of footwork and fast talking to get out of. The play "The Foreigner" is an example of a farce, as are many of the Jeeves &…

What Are They Thinking? The Beloit College Mindset List

Every year at this time, the staff at Beloit College send out their new student Mindset List as a way to make everyone clutch their chest and feel the cold hand of death.

This list was originally created and shared with their faculty each year, so the faculty would understand what some of their own cultural touchstones might mean, or not mean, to the incoming freshmen. They also wanted the freshmen to know it was not cool to refer to '80s music as "Oldies."

This year's incoming Beloit freshmen are typically 18 years old, born in 1999. John F. Kennedy Jr. died that year, as did Stanley Kubrick and Gene Siskel. And so did my hope for a society that sought artistic and intellectual pursuits for the betterment of all humanity. Although it may have actually died when I heard about this year's Emoji Movie.

Before I throw my hands up in despair, here are a few items from the Mindset list for the class of 2021.

They're the last class to be born in the 1900s, and are t…