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YourCheatingHeart.com

YourCheatingHeart.com
Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2007

Is there someone special in your life you want to spend every waking moment with? Someone you think about constantly? Someone who gives you butterflies in your stomach? Someone you’re afraid your spouse will find out about?

There’s no need to fear, Ibila is here! Now, if you need to sneak around on your spouse, there’s a company who can help you. The French web-based company provides alibis for cheating spouses to help avoid those nasty questions of “where were you last night?” and “what’s that thing on your neck?”

Ibila, which is “alibi” spelled backward, was started six months ago by Regine Mourizard, a former private investigator and mother of two. She helps people run around on their spouses by creating fake documents and phone calls, and anything else needed to pull the wool over their unsuspecting spouse’s eyes.

You may remember a few months ago, when I wrote about a breakup service created in Germany for the express purpose of breaking up with a spouse or significant other. Bernd Dressler’s Separation Agency would handle the whole messy split with typical Teutonic efficiency.

"We have had dating agencies for 30 years," Dressler told the BBC. "If you want to have a new partnership, then you have to quit your previous one."

I guess it only makes sense that a French private investigator would create the final step before people needed Dressler’s service. Talk about your European cooperation.

“For 20 years, I worked to keep people from doing what they wanted to do,” Mourizard told the Associated Press. “And I then thought, ‘what if I help them do it, in a safe way?’

“If the alibi is well done and the spouse doesn’t suspect anything, this can sometimes save marriages,” she added. “And by save, I mean wreck. And by sometimes, I mean nearly always.”

Mourizard and her computer specialist colleague can create fake restaurant bills, hotel receipts, postcards, seminar brochures, and even wedding invitations. Plans range from 19 Euros ($27) for a simple phone call to 150 Euros ($207) for the works.

One of Ibila’s first clients was a man who wanted to meet his mistress on a tropical island. But he couldn’t hide his infidelity by claiming to go on a fishing trip with the boys. So Ibila whipped up a fake wedding invitation from a distant cousin.

Husband: Honey, I’m going to my cousin’s wedding.

Wife: Can I go?

Husband: Er, no, he doesn’t like you.

Wife: Well, where is it?

Husband: Uh, I don’t know. But it’s not on a tropical island.

But don’t judge Mourizard too harshly. She doesn’t just help adulterers and cheaters. She also helps people who put their own happiness before their children’s.

One client is Michelle, whose two jealous children would throw a fit whenever she wanted to meet her new boyfriend. So for 19 Euros, Mourizard phoned the woman at home and pretended to be someone from work. She asked Michelle to return to the office to help finish a project. The children, unaware they were being lied to, were happy to let Michelle go.

Now that’s parenting. Forget trying to get your children to understand. Forget actually, oh I don’t know, parenting them. Just pay someone to lie for you, and everything will be okay.

While some might complain that Mourizard is enabling betrayal and deceit, you have to admit that she hatched a brilliant plan. After all, how many people could get paid $27 to fake a two minute phone call? Sure you could ask a friend to do it for free, but it’s so much better to spend $13.50 per minute to have a professional do it.

That’s much better than doing what some people have done during a particularly boring meeting. They will grab their Blackberry PDA as if it had buzzed, pretend to read an email, and say, “I’ve got to go. We’ve got a small emergency,” and leave the meeting.

Mourizard does have scruples though. She won’t break the law by providing false identity papers or documents. And she won’t help defraud businesses either. But she will handle the planning and details for her clients’ trysts, including making hotel and travel reservations and buying gifts.

That’s nice. At least she’s not breaking the law.

“We only provide our clients with those elements necessary to help them organize their private lies,” Mourizard told the (London) Guardian.

Unfortunately for you English-speaking cheaters, the Ibila Web site is only available in French (www.alibila.com). This may cause problems for some of their non-French customers.

Wife: Where were you last night?

Husband: Uh, I had a dinner meeting with a client. See, here’s the receipt.

Wife: You went to Paris for dinner? What the #^&! are you doing, going all the way to Paris for #*&@ dinner?!

Husband: That’s crazy. I didn’t go to Paris for dinner. I also didn’t go to a tropical island with your sister last week either.

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