Dinnertime at the Zoo

Dinnertime at the Zoo
Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2008

Panda Polly: There you are. Hurry and get ready, our dinner guests will be here any minute.

Panda Paul: Oh jeez, is that tonight? I forgot all about it. I had to work late tonight. The zoo had some VIP visitors, and Steve the zoo keeper needed me to stay after.

Polly: Why didn't you call?

Paul: I couldn't. We were out in the exhibit, and I couldn't get away. Didn't Steve tell you I was going to be late?

Polly: Obviously not, or else I would have known.

Paul: Who's coming?

Polly: The Bears, the Gazelles, and the Chimps.

Paul: Oh man, not the Chimps. Did you forget the last time, they ended up flinging their. . . poo around the house?

Polly: That's because you and Chester drank too much and argued about politics. I nearly flung some at you myself. So tonight, you lay off the beer and keep a civil tongue in your head.

Paul: What about him? I swear, if he starts spouting Rush Limbaugh, I'm going to--

Polly: There they are. Now behave yourself.

Benita Bear: Hello, Pandas! Are we early?

Polly: No, you're right on time. And there's the Gazelles right behind you.

Barry and Benita Bear: Hi.

Greg and Gloria Gazelle: Paula, we brought you a bottle of wine from our summer in Napa Valley.

Polly: How lovely. Thank you very much.

Barry (whispers to Paul): I was going to bring you a case of beer, but the little woman stopped me before I even got it to the car.

Paul (whispers back): No biggie. We'll drink it Sunday during the Lions-Bears game. Who do you like?

Barry: You're kidding, right? The Bears, of course.

Gloria: Can I help with anything?

Polly: No, we're all set. Honey, would you ask our guests if they would like something to drink?

Paul: You just did.

Polly: No dear, I mean, why don't you be a good host and ask them?

Paul: We're all standing right here. They can hear you ask me about drinks just as easily as they can hear you be disrespectful to me.

Benita: Oh, my. Uh, I'd like a Cosmopolitan.

Gloria: Can I have some of the wine we brought? I'd love to tell you all about our trip to Napa.

Greg: Ooh yes, darling. I also brought some photos of our Gabby at the all-zoo track meet. She was simply excellent. She left all the other animals in her dust.

Barry: I know. She trash-talked everyone else. Our Betty was so upset, she didn't eat for three days.

Greg: I'm sure she made up for it later.

Barry: Is that a shot at my kid? Not all of us are blessed with your same. . . fragile build, Greg.

Gloria: Careful, Greg, he's salivating.

Paula: Now, now, we're all friends here. Let's not spoil a nice dinner.

Gloria: You're right, Paula. I'm sorry Gabby was so disrespectful, Barry.

Barry: Me too. I just get really defensive about my kids. Benita says I should have been the mother bear.

Paul: So, who's ready for a refill?

Polly: Uh, dear, no one has had anything yet.

Paul: Maybe you haven't, but this is my third.

Polly: Paul, you promised you wouldn't drink.

Paul: No, you promised. I said no such thing.

Polly: Typical. There's a little conflict and you hide inside your bottle. You're as bad as the Ostriches.

Paul: I've had a hard day. We had those stupid VIPs, plus that bus load of school kids.

Barry: Tell me about it. At least no one tries to imitate you. All day long, I get people going "Hey Bear! RAARRR!" It's annoying.

Greg: We get people who make lion noises to get us to run. Hey morons, we can see you from where we're standing. We know it's you.

Paul: And then the news crew showed up to talk about how Polly and I can't have kids.

Polly: You insensitive jerk! Why would you even bring up our personal lives like that?

Paul: The whole freakin' world knows about our sex lives. Ooh, big news flash: the pandas can't get pregnant!

Polly: Well, maybe if you wouldn't spend your nights drunk in front of the TV, we might have better luck!

Paul: And maybe if you took better care of yourself, I wouldn't need to spend every night getting hammered!

Gazelles: Hey, look at the time, we'd better go.

Chimps: Hi all, sorry we're late. Did we miss anything?

Polly: Not at all, the flinging is just getting started. Take that, Paul!