How the Lawyers Stole Christmas

How the Lawyers Stole Christmas

Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2008

The city of Louisville is really quite lucky
They are the best town in all of Kentucky.
They have city pride, and a great big horse race
And a warm friendly feeling, like a hearty embrace.
Their mayor had a plan that he liked a lot
But some lawyers out west, oh no, they did NOT!

They tried to wreck Louisville's whole Christmas season
You don’t need to ask why, we can all guess the reason.
They may just be lawyers trying to cause an upheaval
Or maybe they were just this side of evil.
But Louisville’s mayor gave the best reason of all
"It appears (their) hearts are two sizes too small."

Their holiday fest had a kids' story theme
A tasteful affair, nothing extreme.
The city was planning its holiday celebration
To give the Louisvillians a sense of elation.
"Light Up Louisville" is the annual theme
They would light all the lights to make the place gleam.

They wanted more than the same Christmas tree
A Grinch-themed display they wanted, you see.
They wanted to use all the characters too
Like the dog-turned-reindeer and Cindy Lou Who.
They wanted a display they'd call LouWhoVille,
But a cease-and-desist letter gave them a chill.

From the west coast law firm of DLA Piper
A letter shot forth like a terrorist sniper.
From a woman attorney named Barbara J. Orr
The lawyer to whom was given this chore.
It came without wrapping or major fanfare.
But the words on the page gave the mayor a scare.

"You must stop this poor plan," warned Barbara J's letter
"Stopping this madness is what you had better."
The lawyers said the city did not have permission
To use Dr. Seuss' holiday composition.
"We own the rights, and you cannot use them
We’re simply afraid that you might abuse them."

This story is from the Associated Press
They are the ones who reported this mess.

They said the Visitors Bureau of Louisville
Was banned from using the name LouWhoVille.
It made the mayor’s office rather upset
To be faced with a legal copyright threat.

The letter was dated November Thirteen
The one that was sent by the Copyright Queen.
"You have not been licensed to use Seuss’ works"
Now the press thinks the lawyers are a big bunch of jerks.
But Louisville rebounded, regrouped and moved on
Their "Light Up Louisville" fest was not done.

The office of the mayor said they had complied,
And they wouldn't let lawyers hamper their pride.
They came up with plans that would work in a pinch
They got rid of the theme and a real costumed Grinch.
They're still lighting their lights, they’re still singing their songs.
They're ringing their bells, their horns and their gongs.

They'll do it without Grinches, they'll do it without Whos
They'll do it without roast beasts or sweet Cindy Lous.
The Lou-villians will have their own Christmas cheer
The lawyers won't stop it from coming this year.
I hoped the lawyers would have good cheer to impart
(You can make your own jokes about their lack of a heart.)

Just like the Whos who showed true Christmas spirit
Louisville's pride just won’t let them quit.
They won't let Barbara J dash all their plans
They'll have a good time, every woman and man.
The lawyers all said, "you can’t mess with our biz"
But now everyone knows who the real Grinch is.

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