Bionic Man Finds Wrapper in his Candy Bar, Smashes Hershey's

A Tigard, Oregon man is making himself nuts, chomping at the bit to get sweet, velvety satisfaction against the Hershey company, and their apparent packaging shoddiness.

Steve Austin – not the Six Million Dollar Man – was watching TV one night at 2 am, recovering from surgery, and chowing down on a Hershey's bar.

According to the OregonLive.com blog, Austin noticed, as he was swallowing a bite of his chocolate, that there was something chunky in it.

Notice, he found the chunky item in mid-swallow, not in mid-chew, or as he bit into it, but as. He. Was. Swallowing. It.

"I started choking, and I was up, all alone - my mom was asleep - so it was pretty scary," Austin told Oregon Live. He dislodged the tasty morsel and found a piece of the wrapper baked into the bar.

"I've got false teeth," said Austin. "Someone with real teeth probably could have chewed on through, but I couldn't get it down. And it shouldn't have been there in the first place. I choked so hard I busted a stitch."

Austin saved the remaining candy, as well as the piece of label. He said he's worried that other tainted candy could be out there, causing a child to choke.

Actually, I think most children will chew their food a couple more times, and will thus find inch-long hunks of wrapper in their candy.

Austin has saved the candy, and wants to sue Hershey's. However – and this tells me how outrageous this guy's claim is – no lawyer is interested in taking the case.

I've written about lawsuits filed by people who blinded themselves on a golf course, who weren't being named Homecoming Queen, or whose kids who were given a timeout at school.

I can honestly say this is the first time I've written about lawyers who didn't want to take a case.

Dude, if a lawyer won't take your case, you really need to give it up. Throw the candy bar away, and stick with Gummi Bears.

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