Skip to main content

PETA Wants to Open Chicken Empathy Museum in Louisiana

PETA's getting themselves in the news again for more of their stupidity (or is that stu-peta-ty?)

Down in Farmerville, Louisiana, the old Pilgrim's Pride chicken processing plant is closing down, and Governor Bobby Jindal wanted to spend $20 million to help another company buy it.

So PETA said, "Ooh, ooh! We know. How about a 'Chicken Empathy museum?'"

Needless to say, Governor Jindal thought the idea was as dumb as a bag of Alabamans, and said no.

According to John Kelso's column in the American Statesman, PETA's plan would have included a kids' play area that looked like a chicken cage that showed the cramped living conditions are for chickens. (Never mind that chickens that are processed in processing plants aren't raised in cages. They're raised in open poultry buildings.)

Ashley Byrne, campaign coordinator for PETA, told Kelso that the museum would have an educational display highlighting facts about chickens.

"They're intelligent animals with mental capabilities that are comparable to cats, dogs and even primates," Byrne said. "In nature, mother hens cluck to their unborn chicks who chirp back from their shells."

Plus they're tasty when they're breaded and fried in hot oil.

But you wouldn't find anything like that at the Chicken Empathy Museum.

"Actually, we did plan to serve faux chickens, vegetarian chickens made from healthy plant protein in the museum restaurant, along with an array of other tasty vegetarian food," said Byrne, presumably with a straight face.

The only tasty vegetarian food I've found are the French fries I get with my hamburger. "Tasty," "vegetarian," and "food" are not three words I usually hear together, at least in that order.

Kelso made an interesting point:

One thing that drives me crazy is the way vegheads flock — pun intended — to nonmeat products that are balled up to look like meat, such as the Tofurky. If vegetarians are dead set against meat, how come they want to eat vegetables hand-formed to look like critters?

"That's probably just a matter of familiarity," Ashley told him.

I think PETA's just phoning it in now. A few years ago, they would have hurled red paint on people or proposed giving beer to kids.

Now they just want to give plush chickens to kids that say "I am not a nugget."

Come on, PETA, you're slowing down in your old age. A chicken empathy museum? Is that all you can come up with now? Less than ten years ago, you were asking the Green Bay Packers to change their name to the Pickers, or Fishkill, New York to change their name to Fishsave (even though "kill" is the Dutch word for "stream").

What happened to you guys? Are you going soft? Getting respectable? Going all corporate and nice on us? Where's the venom? Where's the eye-rolling audacity? Where's all the really moronic stuff that you used to do that gave humor columnists like me something to sink our teeth into and make fun of?

Ask AIG to change their name because it's the phonetic pronunciation of the result of poultry exploitation. Lobby to change the phrase, "bring home the bacon" to "bring home the organically-produced tofu," because bacon is made from pigs. Sponsor "No Pants Day" this summer in protest of people wearing leather belts.

Don't let me down, PETA.

Like this post? Leave a comment, Digg it, or Stumble it.


  1. Have you seen the PETA will?


Post a Comment

Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. I am accepting comments from people with Google accounts to cut down on spam.
Otherwise, spam comments will be deleted with malicious glee.

Popular posts from this blog

AYFKMWTS?! FBI Creates 88 Page Twitter Slang Guide


Did you get that? It's an acronym. Web slang. It's how all the teens and young people are texting with their tweeters and Facer-books on their cellular doodads.

It stands for "The FBI has created an eighty-eight page Twitter slang dictionary."

See, you would have known that if you had the FBI's 88 page Twitter slang dictionary.

Eighty-eight pages! Of slang! AYFKMWTS?! (Are you f***ing kidding me with this s***?! That's actually how they spell it in the guide, asterisks and everything. You know, in case the gun-toting agents who catch mobsters and international terrorists get offended by salty language.)

I didn't even know there were 88 Twitter acronyms, let alone enough acronyms to fill 88 pieces of paper.

The FBI needs to be good at Twitter because they're reading everyone's tweets to see if anyone is planning any illegal activities. Because that's what terrorists do — plan their terroristic activities publicly, as if they were…

Understanding 7 Different Types of Humor

One of my pet peeves is when people say they have a "dry" sense of humor, without actually understanding what it actually means.

"Dry" humor is not just any old type of humor. It's not violent, not off-color, not macabre or dark.

Basically, dry humor is that deadpan style of humor. It's the not-very-funny joke your uncle the cost analysis accountant tells. It's Bob Newhart, Steven Wright, or Jason Bateman in Arrested Development.

It is not, for the love of GOD, people, the Black Knight scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I swear, if anyone says Monty Python is "dry humor" is going to get a smack.

Here are some other types of comedy you may have heard and are just tossing around, willy-nilly.

Farce: Exaggerated comedy. Characters in a farce get themselves in an unlikely or improbable situation that takes a lot of footwork and fast talking to get out of. The play "The Foreigner" is an example of a farce, as are many of the Jeeves &…

What Are They Thinking? The Beloit College Mindset List

Every year at this time, the staff at Beloit College send out their new student Mindset List as a way to make everyone clutch their chest and feel the cold hand of death.

This list was originally created and shared with their faculty each year, so the faculty would understand what some of their own cultural touchstones might mean, or not mean, to the incoming freshmen. They also wanted the freshmen to know it was not cool to refer to '80s music as "Oldies."

This year's incoming Beloit freshmen are typically 18 years old, born in 1999. John F. Kennedy Jr. died that year, as did Stanley Kubrick and Gene Siskel. And so did my hope for a society that sought artistic and intellectual pursuits for the betterment of all humanity. Although it may have actually died when I heard about this year's Emoji Movie.

Before I throw my hands up in despair, here are a few items from the Mindset list for the class of 2021.

They're the last class to be born in the 1900s, and are t…