Family Fun Night is not Always Fun
Family Fun Night Not Always FunErik Deckers
Laughing Stalk syndicate
"Okay kids, sit down. It's family night. We're going to play a game. "
"Sweetie, come back here."
"No, we're not watching a movie tonight."
"No, we're not watching TV either. We're going to play a game."
"Not a video game, Buddy."
"No, Honey, we're not playing a computer game."
"Yes, I'll tell them. You need to respect the process. I'm trying to build suspense."
"Fine. We're playing Uno."
"It's a card game."
"Can you read the name here, Buddy?"
"No Buddy, oo-no, not you-know."
"Yes, Honey, that's it."
"Right, Sweetie, it's Spanish for one."
"You lay down a card that has the same number or color as the one in the discard pile. If you have one of the battle cards, you can make someone pick up two or four cards, skip their turn, or reverse the order of our turns. We'll figure it out as we play."
"Here we go. And the first card is a red seven. Honey, do you have a seven or a red?"
"Then you need to draw a card."
"Buddy, hold your cards up. We can see them."
"You don't want to let me see them."
"Because someone might cheat."
"By knowing what cards you have. They would know that they should play a certain card because you don't have it."
"No, I'm not cheating."
"No, your sisters aren't cheating either."
"No, Buddy, Mommy's not cheating either."
"No, nobody's chea—Honey, quit looking at my cards."
"Okay, Sweetie, do you have a three or a blue?"
"What do you mean, you have a skip? It's my turn next."
"Thank you. See, Mommy has a reverse card, and now it's your turn, Honey. Do you have a nine or a yellow?"
"Skip? What is up with you guys? Don't I get a chance to play?"
"All right, when it's my turn again, I know just the card to play."
"Draw four?! Honey, I taught you this game, and you hit me with a draw four? That's a little harsh."
"Buddy, hold your cards up."
"Okay, will somebody please put down a card I can use?"
"Ha, draw two! Take that."
"What? I am not trash talking a 13-year-old girl. I just got a little excited, that's all. I'm sorry, Sweetie. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. Okay, thank you."
"Uh, nice reverse, Buddy. Heh heh, guess that means, uh, Sweetie, that means it's your turn...?"
"Draw four? Come on."
"I said I was sorry."
"Fine. Honey, it's your turn again."
"Oh sure, you give Mommy the red seven, and I get the freaking draw four?"
"Another reverse. Good job, Buddy. I'm seriously starting to not like this game."
"Honey, please? Please, I'm begging you. Don't hit me with a skip card. Look, I'll get you a pony for your birthday if you don't give me a skip card."
"I know your birthday was two weeks ago. Did I say birthday? I meant Christmas. That's coming up real soon."
"Great, a draw two. You don't get a pony now."
"That's all right. It's okay, we're still having fun as a family, and that's all that really matt—YOU DIDN'T SAY 'UNO!'"
"What? I didn't shout."
"Okay, I got a little excited, but that's the rule. You have to say 'Uno' before your other card hits the discard pile. She has to pick up two cards."
"Oh, I think I can be forgiven. She has to pick up two cards, while I still need to get rid of the 37 cards, thanks to all the draw fours and skips, so I don't feel all that sympathetic."
"Well, it's like they're already experts. I'm trying to teach them the game, and I'm getting skunked."
"What do you mean, you guys have played this before? When did you start playing Uno?"
"But why didn't you say anything back then? Summer time is a great time for playing cards."
"No I'm not 'too competitive.'"
"I am not sulking."
"Not pouting either."
"Why don't you kids go watch a movie or something."
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