Five More People Who Bug Me

I had so much fun with my last People Who Bug Me post, I decided to do another. This may become a regular thing, so if you can think of any suggestions, put them in the comments.

  • That costs money: Of course it costs money. Everything in life costs money. Unless you're sneaky, and/or have a fast getaway car, you're not going to get much in life for free. This was a common objection I heard when I worked for a company in the mid-2000s. It was their way of saying "we're too cheap." (Special thanks to Doug Karr for this one.)

  • I've slept since then: It was funny the first 10 times I heard it. The next 1,000, not so much. Just say "I don't know," or "I forgot." Considering we're talking about something we discussed six months ago, I would hope you've slept at least a little bit.

  • I haven't woken up yet: Commonly heard at morning meetings. You just drove a 3/4 ton vehicle across town to an 8 am meeting, and you're telling me you're not fully functional? First, I'm glad you're still alive. Second, give me a 10 minute head start before you leave here.

  • People who say "let there be light:" If anything is truly older than God, it's this joke. Please just stop saying it. The biggest reason a joke is funny is because of the element of surprise. The only thing that will surprise me about this joke is if you don't say it after you change a light bulb.

  • "Slow" Guys Who Direct Traffic in Construction Zones: Picture this: You're driving on the street, and you hit a 1-lane only construction zone. You come to stop, 12th in a long line of cars, waiting their turn. When the cars finish coming from the opposite direction, your line begins making its way down the now empty lane. Standing at the entrance is the guy holding the "Slow" sign, waving you on, like you're going to go somewhere else. "Thank God you're here," you want to say. "This long line of cars and hundreds of orange barrels was absolutely no help in showing me where to go." Dude, you're basically one worker's comp claim from being replaced by a portable stoplight. Don't get above yourself.

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