Skip to main content

Food-Related Assault: Man Jailed for Smashing Hamburger in Wife's Face. Yeah, it's Florida

Another Florida man was jailed on Monday for smashing a hamburger in his wife's face following an argument.

Regular readers of the Laughing Stalk column will no doubt recognize that this makes at least the 9th food-related assault in a year, and the 12th in the last 13 months.

More staggering however, is that its the fifth food-related attack from Florida, and the third in Port St. Lucie in less than a year.

According to the story on the WTSP website, Daniel Boss, 25, began arguing this past Thursday night, and started calling each other names. Then, Mrs. Boss poured pop on Boss' burger, so he rubbed it on her face and started throwing food at her.

Boss then left, and his wife reported the attack to the police. He was arrested three hours later on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge.

This is getting serious, people. This is the 8th food-related assault in Florida alone. And while we've seen a few copycat crimes in Iowa, Illinois, and Idaho (something else to give us pause. . .), ground zero of the food-related attacks seems to be that central band of Florida. Check it out for yourself.


View Florida Food-Related Assaults in a larger map

Past food-related assault articles:


  1. Food-Related Assault Frame-up in Florida. Yeah, Florida again. (Largo, FL)

  2. Food-Related Assault Epidemic Spreads to Idaho, Condiments (Boise, Idaho)

  3. Food-Related Assault Epidemic Continues. Yes, It's In Florida (Hernando Beach)

  4. Food Related Assault Epidemic Reaches Iowa, Man Attacks Girlfriend with Pizza (Des Moines, Iowa)

  5. Food Related Assault Epidemic Reaches Philadelphia, Man Assaults Girlfriend With Meatball Sub (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)

  6. Food Related Assault Epidemic Reaches Illinois, Man Throws Defective McGriddle at McD's Employee (Peoria, Illinois)

  7. Two More Food Attacks in Florida (Deltona & St. Petersburg)

  8. Third Sandwich Attack in Florida (Port St. Lucie)

  9. Assault with a Burger, Food Related Assaults on the Rise (Details TWO food-related attacks in Port St. Lucie and Vero Beach)




---
Like this post? Leave a comment, Digg it, or Stumble it.

Comments

  1. I think Florida must be the domain of the Food-Related Assault Demon, a particularly nasty one to exercise, and related closely to the Demon of Stupidity.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. I am accepting comments from people with Google accounts to cut down on spam.
Otherwise, spam comments will be deleted with malicious glee.

Popular posts from this blog

AYFKMWTS?! FBI Creates 88 Page Twitter Slang Guide

TFBIHCAEEPTSD.

Did you get that? It's an acronym. Web slang. It's how all the teens and young people are texting with their tweeters and Facer-books on their cellular doodads.

It stands for "The FBI has created an eighty-eight page Twitter slang dictionary."

See, you would have known that if you had the FBI's 88 page Twitter slang dictionary.

Eighty-eight pages! Of slang! AYFKMWTS?! (Are you f***ing kidding me with this s***?! That's actually how they spell it in the guide, asterisks and everything. You know, in case the gun-toting agents who catch mobsters and international terrorists get offended by salty language.)

I didn't even know there were 88 Twitter acronyms, let alone enough acronyms to fill 88 pieces of paper.

The FBI needs to be good at Twitter because they're reading everyone's tweets to see if anyone is planning any illegal activities. Because that's what terrorists do — plan their terroristic activities publicly, as if they were…

Understanding 7 Different Types of Humor

One of my pet peeves is when people say they have a "dry" sense of humor, without actually understanding what it actually means.

"Dry" humor is not just any old type of humor. It's not violent, not off-color, not macabre or dark.

Basically, dry humor is that deadpan style of humor. It's the not-very-funny joke your uncle the cost analysis accountant tells. It's Bob Newhart, Steven Wright, or Jason Bateman in Arrested Development.

It is not, for the love of GOD, people, the Black Knight scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I swear, if anyone says Monty Python is "dry humor" is going to get a smack.

Here are some other types of comedy you may have heard and are just tossing around, willy-nilly.

Farce: Exaggerated comedy. Characters in a farce get themselves in an unlikely or improbable situation that takes a lot of footwork and fast talking to get out of. The play "The Foreigner" is an example of a farce, as are many of the Jeeves &…

What Are They Thinking? The Beloit College Mindset List

Every year at this time, the staff at Beloit College send out their new student Mindset List as a way to make everyone clutch their chest and feel the cold hand of death.

This list was originally created and shared with their faculty each year, so the faculty would understand what some of their own cultural touchstones might mean, or not mean, to the incoming freshmen. They also wanted the freshmen to know it was not cool to refer to '80s music as "Oldies."

This year's incoming Beloit freshmen are typically 18 years old, born in 1999. John F. Kennedy Jr. died that year, as did Stanley Kubrick and Gene Siskel. And so did my hope for a society that sought artistic and intellectual pursuits for the betterment of all humanity. Although it may have actually died when I heard about this year's Emoji Movie.

Before I throw my hands up in despair, here are a few items from the Mindset list for the class of 2021.

They're the last class to be born in the 1900s, and are t…