A One-Sided Conversation With My Daughter

A One-Sided Conversation With My Daughter

Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk syndicate
Copyright 2010

"Daddy, are you awake?"


"I said, are you awake?"

"I want to watch TV."

"I don't want to watch football."

"You weren't watching it, you were asleep."

"But people don't snore when they rest their eyes."

"How does meditation make you make that noise?"

"Nuh-uh. I don't believe you."

"I'll ask Mommy."

"No, she's — oh, I guess she's meditating too."

"Why can't I watch my show?"

"You can watch football later."

"But my show is on now."

"Yes, twice."

"Well, the DVD is somewhere. We were playing with it."

"No, we were really careful."


"But why?"

"But why are you saying so?"

"We didn't scratch it. We didn't even take it out of the case. We were stacking them all up and building houses out of them."

"Why can't we play houses with the DVDs?"

"What does alphabetical mean?"

"No, she's fast asl — I mean, she's still meditating."

"Oh, hi Mommy."

"Mommy, what does alphabetical mean?"

"It means Daddy's a geek?"

"I don't think you're a geek, Daddy."

"You're welcome."

"So can I watch my show?"

"But why?"


"Because why?"

"That's not fair. You watch football every Sunday, and I only get to watch iCarly once a day."

"Okay, twice."

"Okay, three times."

"I haven't seen every episode seven times."

"I've only seen today's four times."

"Stupid football."

"When can I have a TV in my room?"

"How long before I go to college?"

"Ten years?! That's a long time."

"But you'll be old in 10 years."

"I was just kidding. I don't want to go to my room."

"Fine, I'll watch the game. Who's playing?"

"Hey, we like the Colts. Who are those guys in green?"

"Who are the Jets?"

"Why do they suck?"

"Daddy, why is your face turning red? Mommy, why is Daddy turning red?"

"That sounds funny. Jets suck, Jets suck."

"When will I be old enough to say that?"

"Ten years?! But you'll be ol — never mind."

"Why do they keep jumping on each other?"

"That's stupid."

"So why don't they throw the ball every time?"

"That's stupid too."

"Why doesn't that guy in the striped shirt just let them keep playing? He keeps blowing his whistle just when it starts getting interesting."

"That's stupid too. This game sucks."

"What? Daddy said it first. I learned it from him."

"I've heard a lot of words from him."

"Well there's —"


"Sorry, Daddy, I didn't mean to get you in trouble."

"Is that true, Mommy? You're not the boss of Daddy?"

"Does that mean Daddy is the boss of you?"

"But I don't want to go to my room."


"But why?"

"But — ooh, okay, I'm going, I'm going."

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