A One-Sided Conversation With My Son About Music

"Hey Buddy, can you turn down your amp?"

"I SAID, CAN YOU TURN DOWN—oh. Uh, your amp."

"I know you're practicing."

"But you're practicing, not the opening act at Bankers Life Fieldhouse."

"Fine, Klipsch Music Center. But you don't need to crank up your amp so loud for practice."

"Of course I'd come see you play."

"Yes, even at Klipsch."

"Yes, in the summer too."

"Of course I like outdoor venues. Who told you I didn't?"

"Oh, she did, did she? Well, Mommy doesn't like the summer either."

"There's nothing wrong with sitting inside. It's nice and cool."

"That was not heat stroke! I just got a little overheated is all."

"That's because you kids need to be outside to build up a tolerance to the heat. It makes you appreciate the air conditioning when you're older."

"What were you playing, AC/DC?"

"Of course I know who AC/DC is. Who do you think told you about them?"

"No he did not. I played AC/DC for you way before your guitar teacher ever did."

"So let me hear you play it."

"Come on, play."

"Now is not the time to be embarrassed."

"Buddy, you just had your amped cranked up to 11 and you were rocking "'T.N.T.'"

"Yes, I heard the "Oi. Oi. Oi." too."

"No, it doesn't really go up to 11."

"That's just an expression."

"From a movie."

"'This is Spinal Tap.' It's a mockumentary about a rock band that goes from being famous to being a failure."

"A fake documentary."

"A movie that tells a story about something real."

"Like the news."

"No, you don't have to watch the news. I'm just saying it's just like the news."

"No, you can't."

"Because it's not suitable for 9-year-olds."

"Because they have things like where their drummers keep dying from spontaneous combustion or a freak gardening accident."

"Where someone bursts into flames for no reason at all."

"That's not sad. It's funny."

"Because it's so rare it almost never happens. And yet it keeps happening to their drummers."

"And what about the freak gardening accident? Who ever heard of that?"

"Or the time — I loved this — when David St. Hubbins and Nigel Tufnel had cold sores and — oh, um, never mind. You just can't watch it until you're older."

"Because when you're nine, you don't need to know about stuff like that."

"So are you going to play this song for me or not?"

"That's not an option."

"I was asking to be polite. Play the song."

"Oi! Oi! O—"

"Sorry. I won't do that again."

"No, seriously, Buddy. Play it again. I won't do that."

"Good job! That was really good. Maybe your sister would play with you on her drum set."

"Because I've heard her play it too."

"Yeah, she does the Oi thing too."

"But you have to learn to play in front of people. How many rock stars do you know who are afraid to play in front of people?"

"Besides she's just as afraid of playing in front of you as you are playing in front of her."

"Same thing I told Mommy about mice."

"Come on. It'll be the first Deckers family jam session."

"You bring your guitar and I'll get your amp."

"No, not just like a roadie. I'm not the roadie."

"The manager."

"Mommy will not be your manager."

"No, I won't be the driver either."

"Sweetie, I want you and your brother to play "T.N.T." together."

"Yes, you have to play in front of him. That's what musicians do. They play in front of each other, and other people."

"Don't worry, he's just afraid of playing in front of you—"

"Yes, like the mouse. If you knew it, why did you make me repeat it?"

"Just play together. If you want, I can stick around and watch to see how it's going."

"But I like doing the Oi, Oi, Oi."

"Then I'll be downstairs."

"No, I'm not bringing you a glass of water."

"Manager! I'm not the roadie, I'm the manager!"

"Fine. Do you want ice?"

The second edition of Branding Yourself: How to Use Social Media to Invent or Reinvent Yourself (affiliate link), is now available. I wrote it with my good friend, Kyle Lacy.

My other book, No Bullshit Social Media: The All-Business, No-Hype Guide to Social Media Marketing is also out.

You can get both of them from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Books-A-Million in October, or for the Kindle or Nook.


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