Skip to main content

A One-Sided Conversation With My Son About Music

"Hey Buddy, can you turn down your amp?"

"I SAID, CAN YOU TURN DOWN—oh. Uh, your amp."

"I know you're practicing."

"But you're practicing, not the opening act at Bankers Life Fieldhouse."

"Fine, Klipsch Music Center. But you don't need to crank up your amp so loud for practice."

"Of course I'd come see you play."

"Yes, even at Klipsch."

"Yes, in the summer too."

"Of course I like outdoor venues. Who told you I didn't?"

"Oh, she did, did she? Well, Mommy doesn't like the summer either."

"There's nothing wrong with sitting inside. It's nice and cool."

"That was not heat stroke! I just got a little overheated is all."

"That's because you kids need to be outside to build up a tolerance to the heat. It makes you appreciate the air conditioning when you're older."

"What were you playing, AC/DC?"

"Of course I know who AC/DC is. Who do you think told you about them?"

"No he did not. I played AC/DC for you way before your guitar teacher ever did."

"So let me hear you play it."

"Come on, play."

"Now is not the time to be embarrassed."

"Buddy, you just had your amped cranked up to 11 and you were rocking "'T.N.T.'"

"Yes, I heard the "Oi. Oi. Oi." too."

"No, it doesn't really go up to 11."

"That's just an expression."

"From a movie."

"'This is Spinal Tap.' It's a mockumentary about a rock band that goes from being famous to being a failure."

"A fake documentary."

"A movie that tells a story about something real."

"Like the news."

"No, you don't have to watch the news. I'm just saying it's just like the news."

"No, you can't."

"Because it's not suitable for 9-year-olds."

"Because they have things like where their drummers keep dying from spontaneous combustion or a freak gardening accident."

"Where someone bursts into flames for no reason at all."

"That's not sad. It's funny."

"Because it's so rare it almost never happens. And yet it keeps happening to their drummers."

"And what about the freak gardening accident? Who ever heard of that?"

"Or the time — I loved this — when David St. Hubbins and Nigel Tufnel had cold sores and — oh, um, never mind. You just can't watch it until you're older."

"Because when you're nine, you don't need to know about stuff like that."

"So are you going to play this song for me or not?"

"That's not an option."

"I was asking to be polite. Play the song."

"Oi! Oi! O—"

"Sorry. I won't do that again."

"No, seriously, Buddy. Play it again. I won't do that."

"Good job! That was really good. Maybe your sister would play with you on her drum set."

"Because I've heard her play it too."

"Yeah, she does the Oi thing too."

"But you have to learn to play in front of people. How many rock stars do you know who are afraid to play in front of people?"

"Besides she's just as afraid of playing in front of you as you are playing in front of her."

"Same thing I told Mommy about mice."

"Come on. It'll be the first Deckers family jam session."

"You bring your guitar and I'll get your amp."

"No, not just like a roadie. I'm not the roadie."

"The manager."

"Mommy will not be your manager."

"No, I won't be the driver either."

"Sweetie, I want you and your brother to play "T.N.T." together."

"Yes, you have to play in front of him. That's what musicians do. They play in front of each other, and other people."

"Don't worry, he's just afraid of playing in front of you—"

"Yes, like the mouse. If you knew it, why did you make me repeat it?"

"Just play together. If you want, I can stick around and watch to see how it's going."

"But I like doing the Oi, Oi, Oi."

"Then I'll be downstairs."

"No, I'm not bringing you a glass of water."

"Manager! I'm not the roadie, I'm the manager!"

"Fine. Do you want ice?"


The second edition of Branding Yourself: How to Use Social Media to Invent or Reinvent Yourself (affiliate link), is now available. I wrote it with my good friend, Kyle Lacy.

My other book, No Bullshit Social Media: The All-Business, No-Hype Guide to Social Media Marketing is also out.

You can get both of them from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Books-A-Million in October, or for the Kindle or Nook.

---

Like this post? Leave a comment, Digg it, or Stumble it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. I am accepting comments from people with Google accounts to cut down on spam.
Otherwise, spam comments will be deleted with malicious glee.

Popular posts from this blog

AYFKMWTS?! FBI Creates 88 Page Twitter Slang Guide

TFBIHCAEEPTSD.

Did you get that? It's an acronym. Web slang. It's how all the teens and young people are texting with their tweeters and Facer-books on their cellular doodads.

It stands for "The FBI has created an eighty-eight page Twitter slang dictionary."

See, you would have known that if you had the FBI's 88 page Twitter slang dictionary.

Eighty-eight pages! Of slang! AYFKMWTS?! (Are you f***ing kidding me with this s***?! That's actually how they spell it in the guide, asterisks and everything. You know, in case the gun-toting agents who catch mobsters and international terrorists get offended by salty language.)

I didn't even know there were 88 Twitter acronyms, let alone enough acronyms to fill 88 pieces of paper.

The FBI needs to be good at Twitter because they're reading everyone's tweets to see if anyone is planning any illegal activities. Because that's what terrorists do — plan their terroristic activities publicly, as if they were…

Understanding 7 Different Types of Humor

One of my pet peeves is when people say they have a "dry" sense of humor, without actually understanding what it actually means.

"Dry" humor is not just any old type of humor. It's not violent, not off-color, not macabre or dark.

Basically, dry humor is that deadpan style of humor. It's the not-very-funny joke your uncle the cost analysis accountant tells. It's Bob Newhart, Steven Wright, or Jason Bateman in Arrested Development.

It is not, for the love of GOD, people, the Black Knight scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I swear, if anyone says Monty Python is "dry humor" is going to get a smack.

Here are some other types of comedy you may have heard and are just tossing around, willy-nilly.

Farce: Exaggerated comedy. Characters in a farce get themselves in an unlikely or improbable situation that takes a lot of footwork and fast talking to get out of. The play "The Foreigner" is an example of a farce, as are many of the Jeeves &…

What Are They Thinking? The Beloit College Mindset List

Every year at this time, the staff at Beloit College send out their new student Mindset List as a way to make everyone clutch their chest and feel the cold hand of death.

This list was originally created and shared with their faculty each year, so the faculty would understand what some of their own cultural touchstones might mean, or not mean, to the incoming freshmen. They also wanted the freshmen to know it was not cool to refer to '80s music as "Oldies."

This year's incoming Beloit freshmen are typically 18 years old, born in 1999. John F. Kennedy Jr. died that year, as did Stanley Kubrick and Gene Siskel. And so did my hope for a society that sought artistic and intellectual pursuits for the betterment of all humanity. Although it may have actually died when I heard about this year's Emoji Movie.

Before I throw my hands up in despair, here are a few items from the Mindset list for the class of 2021.

They're the last class to be born in the 1900s, and are t…