Republican Rhapsody (With Apologies to Queen)

My friend, is not only a social media and marketing professional, but he's also a humor writer. This is a contribution he offered up to the Laughing Stalk blog.

What do the polls say?
How ‘bout the Tea Party?
Want to win in a landslide?
Just escape from reality
Open your mouth
Insert your foot and speak

I'm just a fetus, I am not in vitro
Because I'm easy come, embryo
In with Wade, out with Roe
Any way the wind blows, ‘cause science doesn't really matter to you
To you

Mama, don’t kill your son
You’ve got a gun against your head
That rapist just might shoot you dead
Mama, my life has not begun
So please don’t go and throw it all away
Mama, ooo
I hate to tell you this
But if I come out in nine months or so
It’s ‘cause of God, ‘cause of God, because science doesn’t matter

Too late, you’re now preggo
Send an epidural down your spine
Feet are swelling all the time
Goodbye everybody - I've got to go
Gotta leave this uterus and kiss POTUS
Mama, ooo - (any way the wind blows)
I didn't want to die
Planned Parenthood wishes I'd never been born at all

I see a presumptive senator named Don-nel-ly
No to Joe, No to Joe, we will not let it be so
Rhetortic and bullshit – I can’t fucking stand it
Bobby Morris! Bobby Morris!
Bobby Morris! Bobby Morris!
Bobby Morris! Says no to Do-Si-Dos!

I was just a fetus, please don’t blame this on me
He's was just a fetus from a liberal family
Spare him the blame for this monstrosity
I’m a freaking embryo - will you just let it go?
It’s Mourdock! He will not let it go - let it go
It’s Mourdock! He will not let it go - let it go
Will not let it go - let it go (never)
Never let it go - let it go
Never let it go - ooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, no -
Oh Richard Lugar, Richard Lugar, Richard Lugar where’d ya go?
The primary has turned this into a mockery

So you think you can say dumb shit and still win?
So you really believe in Original Sin?
Oh Richard - can't do this to me Richard
Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta this state

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Science doesn’t matter
To the G.O.P.
Science doesn’t matter
But silence would be better
To me

The second edition of Branding Yourself: How to Use Social Media to Invent or Reinvent Yourself (affiliate link), is now available. I wrote it with my good friend, Kyle Lacy.

My other book, No Bullshit Social Media: The All-Business, No-Hype Guide to Social Media Marketing is also out.

You can get both of them from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Books-A-Million in October, or for the Kindle or Nook.


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