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Sitting on Your. . . Self and other Hazards of Aging

Occasionally I'll accept guest posts from friends and fellow humor writers. This guest humor piece is from my friend, Randy Clark, who writes about the joys and. . . perils of being an older man. At least older than me.

I’d heard about aging men painfully sitting on their scrotum but had never experienced this geriatric phenomenon. This morning I nearly did. As I sat on the toilet, my boy parts exposed to the cold porcelain, my testis rested on the seat as my left thigh and buttocks approached. Only by quickly (OK, I wasn’t that quick) rebalancing myself on my right rump did I avoid squashing my sac. With age come lifestyle adjustments.

Evolution In Action

Do you remember the evolution diagram in your 7th grade science book? I know the boomers do. Anyway, it shows the progression from monkey to man beginning with a knuckle-dragging primate and slowly straightening up to a posture perfect tall standing man. My wife recently commented, after I took several minutes to get up from the couch that I went through every phase. She may be right. My knuckles are scratched.

It Ain’t All Good, And It Ain’t All Bad

My eyesight has digressed (my left eye has the beginning of a cataract.) My reflexes are slower. My hearing isn’t what it used to be. And my memory is shorter. (Now where was I?) But there are things about growing older that I enjoy and appreciate.

It Sure Beats The Alternative. Or Why Growing Older Is A Good Thing

You know the theory about needing 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert? I have a lot of 10,000-hour categories: management, presenting, performing, and more. And by the time you’re in your 60’s you will too.

I’m not seeking the BIG score I sought in my youth. Whether its income, power, or prestige being on top isn’t as important to me as doing what I believe in and enjoy. Most of what I do, I do because it makes me happy. Life is good.

I’ve heard for years if you have your health you have everything, but never embraced this philosophy. However, being fortunate to be in good health at my age—I now subscribe to it. As American composer Eubie Blake said, “If I’d known I was going to live this long I would’ve taken better care of myself.”

I concern myself less with what others think of my actions and beliefs. I probably will always make some concessions, but I find myself caring less if I conform to others opinions. It’s freeing.

Yes, my back may be bowed, my eyes squinted, and my memory has holes in it, but aging doesn’t only bring regression. It is filled with wonders and joys that when embraced can set your soul free. And besides, I haven’t sat on my balls—yet.

About Randy Clark

I was asked to submit a bio, so rather than offer a third person eulogy of my personal achievements and the positions I’ve held I have a question. If you’re paid to do something are you a professional? If so I’m a professional writer who is also a Rock & Roll singer or a professional singer who writes. Either way—I think I’m funny.

The second edition of Branding Yourself: How to Use Social Media to Invent or Reinvent Yourself (affiliate link), and No Bullshit Social Media: The All-Business, No-Hype Guide to Social Media Marketing are both available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Books-A-Million, or for the Kindle or Nook. My latest book, The Owned Media Doctrine is now available on

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