The Internet can do a lot of amazing, wonderful things. You have access to limitless information, you can watch TV, listen to the radio, send messages, share photos and videos, communicate with people around the world, and learn about nearly every topic and issue you could ever think of.
Just don't use it to research medical information.
Not that it's wrong or incomplete, but when an untrained amateur tries to diagnose their health problems, they always turn up the worst possible scenario which freaks them out.
Or as I say, "On the Internet, everything is cancer."
Once, when I was researching why my ankle was tender, I thought I had foot cancer.
But this doesn't stop people from asking Doctor Google for a clue about why they might be feeling bad. According to an article in The (London) Daily Mail, MedicareHealthPlans.com recently released a study about the symptoms people Googled in each state the most.
Tennessee searched most frequently for "pregnancy cravings," while Utah and Arizona both searched for "morning sickness." Don't look at Kansas though. Their biggest search was "signs of low testosterone," so I don't think they're to blame.
Other states have snot on their mind, as Texas, Georgia, and Florida all searched for "nasal congestion." Michigan searched for "stuffed nose," while Delaware searched for "stuffy nose," and Vermont is worried about "sniffles."
And New Mexico searched for "flem." I assume they meant "phlegm," but I'm more worried that so many people searched for "flem" that it's the term that actually ranked the highest. Even more than "koffing" and "diabeetus."
Being sick can cause a lot of extra worry, which is why 10 states most searched for "stress:" Connecticut, Illinois, Iowa, Kansas, Maryland, Massachusetts, Missouri, Oregon, Pennsylvania, and Virginia.
I was especially surprised to see Massachusetts and Oregon having stress problems, since they're two states that allow recreational marijuana use. I figured if anything, they'd be worried about "Dorito fingers."
California seems a little nervous though, because they searched the most for "sweaty palms." Meanwhile, Detroit's big search was for "food poisoning from Mom's spaghetti" and "how to clean vomit out of a sweater." (If you were an Eminem fan, that joke would've been hysterical.)
Alaska searched for "snoring" while New York searched for "loss of sleep." Alaska, you've got a real problem if you're keeping New York awake. New York City may be the city that never sleeps, but the rest of the state needs its beauty rest.
North Carolina also searched for "lack of sleep" while Colorado is suffering from "insomnia." But New Jersey and Rhode Island aren't having any sleep problems. They both searched for "lucid dreaming," which means they're getting plenty of rest and figuring out how to do cool stuff in their dreams.
People from Mississippi, home of the deep-fried Moon Pie, commonly searched for "difficulty breathing, heavy chest, left arm going numb, oh God what's happeningggggggggggggg."
Actually, Mississippi's big search term was "gas," which is not surprising given that it's ranked as the least healthiest state in the country, while neighboring Alabama (the 47th healthiest) searched for "acid reflux" the most. What do you expect from two states whose state flower is fried okra?
Still, it's not as worrisome as Wisconsin and South Carolina's searches — they searched for "light colored poop" and "dark green stool" respectively. If anything, it sounds like South Carolina may be getting more vegetables in its diet than Mississippi and Alabama; Wisconsin, try cutting back on the beer a little bit.
North Dakota searched for "IBS symptoms" which means they've got their own problems in that area. So does New Hampshire, because they're experiencing a lot of "bloating." Must be all the cheese they get from Vermont.
Some of the other states are also experiencing gastrointestinal discomfort. Washington, Nevada, and Wyoming each searched for "stomach ache," but I think we can blame it all on Idaho, as their biggest health concern is "symptoms of E. Coli."
Meanwhile, stay away from Oklahoma. They searched the most for "flu symptoms 2018." It's spreading, because Arkansas searched for "fever" while Louisiana is worried about "chills," and Hawaii has a "sore throat."
Kentucky searched the most for "upper back pain," but I think I know why. I've got a friend in Kentucky who's complained about his back since 2009, and he probably searched for that term enough times to skew the total results.
Ohio's search was possibly the most unusual: they searched for "paleness," which is a distinctly Ohio problem to have. Indiana, on the other hand, has "uncircumcised problems." Look Indiana, just go talk to your doctor; there's a little procedure they can do to fix that.
Minnesota, Montana, and West Virginia are tired of your nonsense, because they searched most frequently for "irritable."
And South Dakota is just plain sick of all your complaining. They just want to lie down with a cold washcloth over its eyes. Their biggest search?
"Headache location chart."
Photo credit: The Village Doctor by David Teniers the Younger (Wikimedia Commons, Public Domain)
The 3rd edition of Branding Yourself is now available on Amazon.com and in your local Barnes & Noble bookstore.
Just don't use it to research medical information.
Not that it's wrong or incomplete, but when an untrained amateur tries to diagnose their health problems, they always turn up the worst possible scenario which freaks them out.
Or as I say, "On the Internet, everything is cancer."
Once, when I was researching why my ankle was tender, I thought I had foot cancer.
But this doesn't stop people from asking Doctor Google for a clue about why they might be feeling bad. According to an article in The (London) Daily Mail, MedicareHealthPlans.com recently released a study about the symptoms people Googled in each state the most.
Other states have snot on their mind, as Texas, Georgia, and Florida all searched for "nasal congestion." Michigan searched for "stuffed nose," while Delaware searched for "stuffy nose," and Vermont is worried about "sniffles."
And New Mexico searched for "flem." I assume they meant "phlegm," but I'm more worried that so many people searched for "flem" that it's the term that actually ranked the highest. Even more than "koffing" and "diabeetus."
Being sick can cause a lot of extra worry, which is why 10 states most searched for "stress:" Connecticut, Illinois, Iowa, Kansas, Maryland, Massachusetts, Missouri, Oregon, Pennsylvania, and Virginia.
I was especially surprised to see Massachusetts and Oregon having stress problems, since they're two states that allow recreational marijuana use. I figured if anything, they'd be worried about "Dorito fingers."
California seems a little nervous though, because they searched the most for "sweaty palms." Meanwhile, Detroit's big search was for "food poisoning from Mom's spaghetti" and "how to clean vomit out of a sweater." (If you were an Eminem fan, that joke would've been hysterical.)
Alaska searched for "snoring" while New York searched for "loss of sleep." Alaska, you've got a real problem if you're keeping New York awake. New York City may be the city that never sleeps, but the rest of the state needs its beauty rest.
North Carolina also searched for "lack of sleep" while Colorado is suffering from "insomnia." But New Jersey and Rhode Island aren't having any sleep problems. They both searched for "lucid dreaming," which means they're getting plenty of rest and figuring out how to do cool stuff in their dreams.
People from Mississippi, home of the deep-fried Moon Pie, commonly searched for "difficulty breathing, heavy chest, left arm going numb, oh God what's happeningggggggggggggg."
Actually, Mississippi's big search term was "gas," which is not surprising given that it's ranked as the least healthiest state in the country, while neighboring Alabama (the 47th healthiest) searched for "acid reflux" the most. What do you expect from two states whose state flower is fried okra?
Still, it's not as worrisome as Wisconsin and South Carolina's searches — they searched for "light colored poop" and "dark green stool" respectively. If anything, it sounds like South Carolina may be getting more vegetables in its diet than Mississippi and Alabama; Wisconsin, try cutting back on the beer a little bit.
North Dakota searched for "IBS symptoms" which means they've got their own problems in that area. So does New Hampshire, because they're experiencing a lot of "bloating." Must be all the cheese they get from Vermont.
Some of the other states are also experiencing gastrointestinal discomfort. Washington, Nevada, and Wyoming each searched for "stomach ache," but I think we can blame it all on Idaho, as their biggest health concern is "symptoms of E. Coli."
Meanwhile, stay away from Oklahoma. They searched the most for "flu symptoms 2018." It's spreading, because Arkansas searched for "fever" while Louisiana is worried about "chills," and Hawaii has a "sore throat."
Kentucky searched the most for "upper back pain," but I think I know why. I've got a friend in Kentucky who's complained about his back since 2009, and he probably searched for that term enough times to skew the total results.
Ohio's search was possibly the most unusual: they searched for "paleness," which is a distinctly Ohio problem to have. Indiana, on the other hand, has "uncircumcised problems." Look Indiana, just go talk to your doctor; there's a little procedure they can do to fix that.
Minnesota, Montana, and West Virginia are tired of your nonsense, because they searched most frequently for "irritable."
And South Dakota is just plain sick of all your complaining. They just want to lie down with a cold washcloth over its eyes. Their biggest search?
"Headache location chart."
Photo credit: The Village Doctor by David Teniers the Younger (Wikimedia Commons, Public Domain)
The 3rd edition of Branding Yourself is now available on Amazon.com and in your local Barnes & Noble bookstore.