Thanksgiving is Not the Only Important November Holiday

November is more than just the month of Thanksgiving. More than just a time spent watching football and stuffing our faces.

It's a month for family. The people you love, and the people who, if not for an accident of birth, you wouldn't care to be in the same zip code with, let alone the same room. Family, like the one drunk racist aunt or uncle who starts arguments by saying, "I'm not arguing, I just want to say this one thing," and finishes it with "The media is lying to you! You need to wake up, Brenda!"

Just like Thanksgiving itself, November is a veritable cornucopia of holidays and special days. It's full of awareness months. It's overflowing with celebration weeks. And it's unbuckled its belt and unbuttoned its pants because it's stuffed with celebration days.

For you food lovers, November is about more than just turkey. It's also Banana Pudding Lovers Month, National Peanut Butter Lovers Month, and National Fun with Fondue Month.

It's also National Split Pea Soup Month, but after watching The Exorcist, just no.

Let's not forget National Fast Food Day on the 16th, National Espresso Day on the 23rd, National Cake Day on the 26th, and National Lemon Cream Pie on the 29th.

Plus the 7th is also National Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day which is oddly specific. However, it's an excuse to eat an Almond Joy candy bar, which is my favorite. I don't actually need a special day for it, but it helps me explain to my wife why there's a dozen empty wrappers stuffed under my car seat.

Speaking of which, it's National Diabetes Awareness Month. As in, you're going to be aware of diabetes if you eat that third piece of pie.

Also, November 2nd is Plan Your Epitaph Day. I think mine will be "But it's really good pie!"

It's Aviation History Month, the month where we hear the most about Amelia Earhart, and no one wants a repeat of your drunk racist relative telling stories about noted Nazi sympathizer, Charles Lindbergh. Again.

November is National Novel Writing Month, where everyone who ever dreamed of writing a book decides to finally sit down and write their own masterpiece. Unfortunately, their plan lasts a day longer than their New Year's resolution, which means most people stop by the 4th.

National Novel Writing Month, also called NaNoWriMo, actually kicks off on the 1st, which is National Author's Day. It's followed up by Book Lovers Day, which happens on the first Saturday of the month.

Book Lovers Day: If you're not filling the shelf space on top of your books, are you really living?

November 1st is also World Vegan Day, but I won't make a joke about it because I won't hear the end of it. Seriously, the last time I made a joke about vegans not shutting up about veganism in a column, one of them posted half a dozen of angry anti-meat messages on my Facebook page just to prove that they don't talk too much about veganism.

November 2 is also Deviled Egg Day, which is just bad planning. The only time people eat deviled eggs is Thanksgiving, so they're about 26 days too early. Trust me, deviled eggs don't last more than 24 hours before the rest of your evening is filled with sulfur burps and regret.

November 7 is Men Make Dinner Day and November 8 is Cook Something Bold Day, so we men can kill two birds with one stone just by cooking bacon in our underwear.

November 20 is Universal Children's Day. So whenever your little ray of sunshine whines on Mother's Day, "When is it Children's Day?" you don't have to say, "Every day is #&@! Children's Day!" Tell them they have a specific day in November, and they'll have forgotten all about it by then.

Speaking of food, it's Sandwich Day on November 3rd. I think the day after Thanksgiving needs to be Turkey Sandwich Day, because that's honestly the best part about Thanksgiving. You can keep your deviled eggs, your fun fondue, and your lemon cream pie. For me, the whole point of Thanksgiving is just a delivery system for turkey sandwiches. Honestly, if I could get my wife to cook a whole turkey for nothing but turkey sandwiches, it would be the greatest Thanksgiving ever.

Finally, it's French Toast Day on the 28th, which happens to fall right on Thanksgiving this year. That's a real bad idea. For one thing, you don't want to be too full from breakfast to enjoy the Thanksgiving feast.

But more importantly, you don't want to get underfoot while the Thanksgiving meal is being prepared. Otherwise, people are bumping into each other, Aunt Trudy just called to say she's bringing her Miracle Whip deviled eggs, and your obnoxious nephew ate all the marshmallows for the candied yams.

That's when your mom grabs up a knife and screams, "If everyone would just please get the hell out of the kitchen! God, I can barely hear myself THINK!"

That's a good day to celebrate Bowl Of Cereal In Front Of The TV Day instead.

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