New Jersey Man Has Not One, But Two Ghostly Girlfriends

Gary DeNoia had some interesting plans for Valentine's Day. And he was going to do something that probably no one else on Earth has ever done.

He was going to have a three-way sexual tryst with two ghosts.

DeNoia, who hails from New Jersey, was recently interviewed by the (London) Daily Star Online (Official motto: "Just like the Daily Sun, but less reputable, if that's even possible.") about his plans.

Gary, who is 35 and works in the hotel industry, has been in a two-year relationship with a female spirit named Lisa. And they have made plans to introduce another partner into their sex life for a Valentine's Day to remember.

Gary's ghost girlfriend definitely beats your junior high "Canadian summer girlfriend."

"Oh, she's dead, you wouldn't know her."

In a Daily Star story last October — why yes, it was on Halloween Day. Why do you ask? — Gary said he first started dating Lisa ever since he spotted her across the room of a restaurant while he was having dinner.

Why yes, he was alone. Why do you ask?

Gary said he had interacted with spirits before, so he wasn't scared. He started chatting with his new friend and she asked if his date was running late.

"I'm dining alone," he said, to no one's surprise.

Lisa recommended the risotto and then disappeared — she should have recommended the boo-rito — Gary tried the risotto and seemed to enjoy it.

The two began spending time together, and Gary has been talking to his invisible friend ever since.

Gary and Lisa apparently have quite a rollicking sex life, which he said is pretty amazing. He also said the connection is much stronger than he's had with a living woman.

That can be taken a number of different ways.

Gary has introduced Lisa to his close friends, who are happy for him although they can't see her. I also wonder if Gary's friends are equally invisible or if they're actual people.

The only thing they tease him about is Lisa's age, because she was 19 when she died.

Because it's weird for a 35-year-old man to be dating a 19-year-old dead woman, right? I mean, it's the age difference that's weird, right?

Gary hasn't told his coworkers though, because he's afraid of being discriminated against. I don't see why: She's over the legal age of consent, so what's the problem?

Their relationship got serious last spring when she stuffed everything she owned into a boo-kbag and they moved in together.

Or more likely, Gary went home like he normally does and absolutely nothing was different.

Things picked up for their relationship this past Valentine's Day when Lisa offered to introduce another female spirit, Sadie, into their lovemaking.

Gary told the Daily Star, "We both think that going out on Valentine’s Day is overpriced and overrated."

Seriously? It's not that overpriced. Plus, the restaurant where Gary and Lisa met has been owned by her family for three generations, so their meals should be free.

Instead of going out, they have a tradition of making popcorn and ice cream sundaes, and then they watch their favorite movie, Ghost.

"I know, we're so corny," said Gary.

Yes, corny. That's the word I was thinking of. And no other word at all.

Still, this experience was going to be completely new to Gary. "I've never had (a threesome) before," he said. :Not even with two living women."

Him being with just one living woman is more than I would have guessed, but maybe I'm underestimating him.

Won't Lisa be jealous though?

Not at all, said Gary. In fact, it was her idea in the first place.

"She’s confident in the way I feel about her," said Gary. "Her only rule is she doesn’t want me kissing Sadie, which I am totally okay with."

I mean, Gary has spent the last two years not kissing real women, so what's one more ghost one?

He plans on making the day special though. To start, he's going to make her breakfast in bed, with her favorite, French toast.

I would have said scream of wheat, but I do love a good piece of French toast. Made with evaporated milk.

Gary also likes to leave notes around the apartment for her to find while he's at work — romantic notes, inside jokes, that sort of thing. "Basically anything that will make her smile," he said.

He can tell she's read them because they're exactly where he left them that morning.

If Gary can handle a sexual relationship with two women who aren't physically there, more power to him. Most people have a tough time managing one relationship with one real person, but if Gary can manage two at the same time, I imagine he'll be very happy.

And so will he.

Photo credit: The National Archives UK (Wikimedia Commons, Public Domain)

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