"Kids, Old Guys, and Hookers" Haunt a Texas House

According to ghostly legend, most haunted houses are haunted by people who died in that place. Their deaths were so horrible that they're bound to that place forever. Which is why there are no ghosts of people who died eating pie.

Other legends say ghosts are spirits with unfinished business in our world. Like the father whose kids keep messing with the thermostat and leaving the front door open.

"We're not heating up the outsi-i-i-i-i-ide!" the ghostly spirits have been heard to moan.

So what kind of unfinished business would the spirits of prostitutes have?

This is a family newspaper, so we won't speculate about that, but they probably weren't very good at their jobs.

Linda Hill, owner of Hill House Manor in Gainesville, Texas, says her rental home is haunted by several ghosts, including "kids, old guys, and hookers." It's so haunted that they haven't been able to keep regular tenants in years.

According to a news story on WFAA, Dallas' ABC affiliate, Linda and her husband bought the house several years ago to rent it out, and it worked. Maybe too well. Ten different tenants moved in and then back out, with no one staying longer than two years.

Everyone said the house was haunted, but Linda didn't believe them.

Look, I'm all for a healthy dose of skepticism, but if ten different people tell me the same story, I might start to wonder if they were onto something.

Still, Linda was skeptical until one day, she was taking a shower at the home and heard someone say, "Looking good." She and her husband were the only ones in the house, so she assumed it was him. She said thank you and asked what he had been doing that day.

"We had a conversation, and he left," said Linda.

Her husband came into the bathroom and said, "Who were you talking to?"

That's when Linda realized, "Oh my God, it really is haunted." Because no one has ever played a practical joke by pretending to be someone else.

When her husband denied perving on his wife, Linda knew the only rational explanation was that it was haunted from beyond the grave.

But an unseen peeping Tom isn't the only ghost in the house. Remember, it's filled with "kids, old guys, and hookers."

Hookers? How does she know?

For one thing, the place is rumored to have been a bordello, so that may be part of it. The other thing is that many of the ghosts have been found to be. . . 

"Sexual," Linda said. "There's no other way to put it."

Oh, come on, how do you know they're being sexual?

According to WFAA, there have been recorded electronic voice phenomenon (EVPs) where the ghosts can be heard "talking dirty."

Hill imitated what the EVPs had picked up: "Oh baby, oh baby, yeah Yeah, I like it like that."

Well, I wouldn't call it dirty, per se. Suggestive, maybe. Sexy, even. But dirty? Do you even have the internet in Gainesville?

It turns out the "hookers" are the most popular ghosts around the house, and Linda says they're trying to "stir up business."

That's because male renters have reported they have felt someone stroking their face or arm or touching their shoulder.

Well, they're trying to stir up something.

"They can't figure out a way to conclude the transaction, so nothing ever happens," said Linda.

What, and this makes them hookers? Touching someone on their face or shoulder makes them hookers? Don't sex-shame people, Linda; this is 2022.

Since regular people don't want to live there these days, the Hills only rent the place out to paranormal investigators who want to get lucky.

Finding ghosts. Getting lucky finding ghosts.

Linda said a ghost followed a renter home once, so she told the man to tell the spirit to go home. 

"And they did, she came back up here," said Linda.

There's also a 19-foot well underneath the living room, which is an odd place to have a well. Other people believe it's a portal to the underworld and say it's the best explanation for why so many different ghosts are in the house.

Sure, that's the best explanation for it. The gate to the underworld is in an old bordello in Gainesville, Texas. Everyone knows it's in the men's room of a Denny's outside of Louisville.

There's another reason for some of the ghosts, which comes from the room right next to the room with the well.

Hill calls it The Murder Room. Remember when I said many ghosts are bound to a place where they were killed? According to Hill, "almost every psychic that walks in here" has seen a dead man lying on the floor of that room.

Ooh, and I'll bet he died before he could pay his prostitute, and that's the unfinished business that keeps them all here.

Solved it!

Photo credit: PXHere (Creative Commons 0)

My new humor novel, Mackinac Island Nation, is finished and available on Amazon. You can get the Kindle version here or the paperback version here.