Hello and congratulations, creatures of the night.
Sorry! I'm sorry! I promised Dean Popescu I wouldn't make that joke. But when I'm giving a speech to the graduates of a college's night school, I can't resist making jokes like that.
Still, I'm not getting paid much to give this speech, so they won't be my best jokes.
For many of you, this has been a long slog. I'm sure there were days and nights you thought this journey would never end. You woke up when it was dark, went to work, and then came to school, and when you got out, it was still dark. You probably had to wear headlamps to find your car after class.
Meanwhile, your family was at home, eating dinner, watching TV, and arguing about who would clean the dinner dishes. Which they left for you when you got home at 10 p.m.
And then, you had to get up early the next morning to do it all over—no, ma'am, please don't cry. I'm sorry I brought it up. You, too, sir. Please, stop crying. It's OK, everything is fine.
Just take a deep breath. That's good. Everyone, deep breaths. And another. OK, great.
Wow, sensitive bunch. As I was saying, you, uh, all worked hard at school, and now you're done. Yay, congratulations! Everyone have a good—
No, of course not, Dean Popescu, I'm not done. That was just my inspirational message. No, have a seat, we're all good.
Anyway, I was always a fan of night classes when I was in college. I only had to go once a week, and the rest of the week was free. One semester, I took three night classes. I stayed up late, slept in, and started my days at 11 a.m. It was glorious.
Now you're ready to face the new challenges of reclaiming your evenings and re-entering the workforce. You get to emerge from your coffins and walk in the daytime among the rest of us, no worries about being incinerated in the sunlight.
Sorry, Dean Popescu, that was my last one!
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Or maybe you were going to be devoured by. . . VAMPIRES! Ooooohh! Just kidding, folks!
But seriously, night school is not for everyone. The people who survived night school on top of their regular day walk—I mean, day jobs — have real grit and determination. When most people just want to go home and put their feet up in front of the TV, you said, "No, I want something more out of life."
You basically took on a second job. You made sacrifices for yourself and your family. You ate your dinners in the casketeria — get it? — although I imagine none of you had the steak.
Is this thing even on? I'd hate to think I'm making these jokes in vein! Ow! Ow! Ow! My ear! Let go of my ear! Seriously, Dean Popescu, it's just a joke. Are. . . are your eyes glowing? I'm almost finished.
You students drank from the well of knowledge and pursued new skills that can help you get ahead in life.
We live in a society where some people are suspicious of knowledge, and they're proud of their ignorance. They mistrust scientists and people of letters and put their faith in people who lie and misrepresent the facts. They believe in superstitions, old wives' tales, and fake science schlepped by shysters who want to make a quick buck.
The world needs people who can make the world a better place. By completing your time at night school, you have joined those ranks. The skills you take away from this place will help your families with better jobs, more responsibilities, and higher earning power. And you will help society with fresh ideas, deeper creativity, and innovative, uhh, innovations.
So, my hat is off to you, graduates of Transylvania University here in the beautiful country of Romania. Your hard work and dedication have paid off, and you're ready to make your way into the world and find the job you can really sink your teeth into.
Good luck to you and fang you very much. Now I have to go before it gets dark.
Get back, Dean Popescu! I've got garlic, and I'm not afraid to use it!
Photo credit: Universal Studios (Public Domain, Wikimedia Commons)
