"Oh, good, you're here." My friend, Karl, was eating his lunch and chewing angrily. I knew I was in for an earful.
What'd I do this time? We were at our favorite Danish-themed restaurant to watch the first round of the Danish Women's National Handball Championship, Odense Håndbold against Aarhus United. Our bartender, Jens, set a couple of Tuborgs in front of us.
"Nothing. This time," he said. "I just wanted to vent."
You must be pretty upset. We usually do this every two months.
Karl scowled and chomped a bite of hamburger. "I got a couple passes to a preview showing of a movie this week," he said.
What movie? I asked.
"That's not important. Let's just say it's a popular movie."
Was it The Little Mermaid? I asked. I flagged down Jens. Could I get a cheeseburger with Havarti cheese? And some fries. Also, a side of curried herrings?
"No, it wasn't The Little Mermaid. Anyway, I was—"
Was it Super Mario Brothers?
"No, could you shut your mouth for a damn minute?"
You hurt my feelings.
Karl plonked his beer on the bar. "Don't be such a baby."
No, that's my guess. There's a movie called You Hurt My Feelings with Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
"Stop talking. Anyway, I was in—fine, it was The Flash. I was going to see The Flash. Happy now?
How was it?
Karl ignored me. "Anyway, I got a free preview ticket, so I showed up 90 minutes early. There was a huge line and I wasn't sure if we would get in."
You called me down here for this? This isn't a story worth buying my lunch over.
"Buying your lunch?"
Oh, thank you very much, I said. That's very kind.
With you so far. So what's the problem? Jens brought my lunch, and I tucked into the curried herring.
"There's a family of four a few spots ahead of me, right? I'm in line, reading my Kindle."
What book?
"Don't start! Anyway, with 20 minutes to go, a guy and his son show up, and they know the family, so they start chatting. And, get this. The guy just scoots over into the line."
No! I said, doing my best to sound horrified.
"Yes! Then he stands perfectly still like we won't notice and refuses to make eye contact with anyone. Like he knows he's wrong, but he doesn't care.
No! I half-shouted. A few patrons gave me the stink-eye. So what did you do?
"I said to the guy, 'Are you actually going to cut in front of everyone like that?' And this punk dad from the family said, 'Don't worry about it.'
NO! I shouted, which coincided with an Odense goal. Great, now it looks like I'm cheering for Aarhus, I said. Did you punch him?
"Come on, Kid, I'm better than that. I said, 'Of course I'm going to worry about it. What happens if I'm the one who gets left out because this guy is a cheat?"
What did he say?
"He said, 'Well, I suppose we could fight about it then.'"
Are you serious? This guy sounds like a real piece of. . . work. Did you fight?
"No, I said, 'I'm not going to fight you. But your kids see that you're a liar and a cheat."
Wow! Is that when he hit you?
"No, I'm an old man. But he stopped making eye contact with everyone, too."
So did you get in?
"No, the line stopped about 30 people in front us. I didn't make it, but the cheaters didn't either, so I was pleased."
I leaned forward. This was getting good! Then what?
"Nothing. I turned around and went home."
That's it?! You read a book and went home? Why would you be upset about that?
"I wasn't. I was upset because that moron could have ruined someone's evening. And he didn't feel the least bit guilty about it!"
Your point is?
"People are terrible! They lie and cheat, and they don't care if they screw someone else to get what they want. They go out of their way to inflict pain and misery on others."
Are you surprised by this? Have you been asleep for the last seven years? People are like this now. Half the country thinks this is acceptable, so they lie, cheat, and bully to get what they want, even if they hurt someone who has less than them. One half thinks, "What about others?" and the other half thinks, "What about me?"
"I know. I'm just irritated this guy thought it was OK to be a lying sleazebag and that he's teaching his kids it's OK to cheat."
I agree, it sucks. That guy sounds like a terrible person.
Jens walked to our table, bill in hand. I pointed at Karl, and Jens gave it to him.
"Seriously, Kid? After the day I had yesterday?"
Hey, you're the one who hurt my feelings.
Photo credit: FOTO:FORTEPAN / Archiv für Zeitgeschichte ETH Zürich / Agnes Hirschi (Wikimedia Commons, Creative Commons 3.0)
My new humor novel, Mackinac Island Nation, is finished and available on Amazon. You can get the Kindle version here or the paperback version here.