Q: I keep hearing about this workout method called rucking. What is rucking?
A: Have you ever tried walking?
Q: What, like regular walking? Yes, I have.
A: Rucking is walking while wearing a heavy backpack. It's slightly harder exercise.
Q: So, it's like hiking?
A: No, it is hiking. But now you're wearing a backpack that serves absolutely no purpose other than to carry heavy rucking objects.
Q: What kind of rucking objects?
A: If you're serious about it, two 20-pound iron plates.
Q: But when I go hiking, I carry a backpack with my supplies in it, like food, clothes, and camping gear.
A: Exactly.
Q: But, in rucking, I don't do anything other than carry a heavy backpack?
A: Nope.
Q: And the weights serve no other purpose?
A: None at all. They're just to make walking more difficult.
Q: Who invented this lunacy? What were they trying to achieve?
A: Do you know the people who immerse themselves in cold immersion baths in specially-built tanks instead of their bathtubs?
Q: Yes.
A: And who post every single workout to their social media?
Q: I block those people.
A: Good. Those are the same people who invented rucking. They wanted to take something pleasant and enjoyable and make it terrible.
Q: Why?
A: I don't know, they hate our freedom?
A: It started in the military, where soldiers in basic training carry rucksacks for long distances to help them get ready for when they have to carry their packs and rifles in combat. It's actually important and useful in the military.
Q: And so these wannabes decided to copy real soldiers?
A: Pretty much. They just pointed and said, "Me want carry heavy pack."
Q: That sounds really stupid.
A: You're telling me. I always thought running was nuts, but rucking is even dumber. Why not just run farther or faster? Why make it heavier? I mean, I'm already overweight, so I don't need any special equipment. I already lost a bunch of weight; I don't want to go back to that.
Q: So what will carrying a heavy backpack do for me, health-wise?
A: You'll be able to carry even heavier weights for longer distances.
Q: So I can go rucking further?
A: Well, farther, but yes.
Q: Wasn't this like that health trend in the '70s where people wore ankle weights while they were jogging?
A: Yes, but you could hide your quiet shame under your baggy sweatpants. Now, you have to put on a brown or black backpack that's designed to only carry weight plates.
Q: Why brown or black?
A: In case you have to sneak a secret message on two iron plates behind enemy lines.
Q: Do I need special rucking equipment?
A: Technically, no. Do runners really need special running shorts and shirts? No, but they get the most expensive gear they can. But it doesn't make you run any better than your high school gym shorts and an old beer t-shirt.
Q: But what about ruck packs? I see people buying special $150 ruck packs. Do I need one of those?
A: And now we come to the truly stupid part of ruck running. Technically, to start rucking, you only need some extra weight on your body somewhere, like carrying a water bottle or wearing a hydration backpack. Basically, you can shove a bunch of books in a backpack, and now you're a rucking genius.
Q: Do I actually need the special ruck pack then?
A: Do you mean, will you get an extra super special workout with a ruck bag? Will your backpack magically help you get more healthy? Will it enable you to rule all other backpacks and conquer Middle Earth?
Q: Sure, it sounds dumb when you say it that way.
A: Yeah, sure, that's when it started sounding dumb. The short answer is, no, you don't need a special ruck bag. The same workout bros who invented rucking also made it more complicated than it needed to be. They realized they couldn't make any money selling you your old high school backpack, so they designed the world's most useless backpack and sold it for 150 bucks instead.
Q: Does rucking actually serve any legitimate purpose?
A: It's exercise. It gets you out and moving around, and that's important to your health. Otherwise, no, it's no better than walking, running, or lifting weights. There's nothing special about it other than pretending you're on a mission carrying the secret message iron plates from your house back to your house. If that's all you need in life, go nuts.
Q: That sounds pretty rucking stupid.
A: Can't argue with that.
Photo credit: NARA & DVIDS Public Domain Archive (Public Domain)
My new humor novel, Mackinac Island Nation, is finished and available from 4 Horsemen Publications. You can get the ebook and print versions here.