Suellen Carey, a transgender influencer and Mariah Carey impersonator, is getting a divorce.
From herself.
She married herself, and now she's divorcing herself after being married for 11 months to herself. I've had mustard in my fridge longer than that.
Suellen made headlines last year when she married herself in a commitment to herself, practicing what she calls "sologamy."
I'm not sure how to actually pronounce that. So-law-gummy?
It's like monogamy, but only with yourself.
At the time, she posted several photos of herself in all her bridal splendor — white dress, gauzy white veil, diamond tiara — and she was quite the blushing bride. She said in a press statement, "I discovered and understood what I wanted for myself. It wasn't easy to reach this decision; before, I depended on my partners in relationships."
So she decided she was enough and didn't need anyone else to make her happy. As long as she could be happy with herself, then she could be happy in life. Sounds like a good plan, right?
Solo-gammy?
Suellen even said in her wedding vows, "Today, I value myself, understand myself, and love myself. This celebration is a commitment to myself, to my self-love. Therefore, I promise to take care of myself, celebrate each achievement, and respect myself."
That's very nice. We should all love ourselves that much.
In her Instagram post, Suellen said her wedding day was "one of the happiest days of my life," and she hoped that her own journey to self-love inspired other people to love themselves.
Sulu-gamey?
That was back in September 2023, and her fairytale marriage didn't even last one year. On August 30, she told the British tabloid, the Mirror (official motto: "Making your life choices seem less idiotic."), that she's throwing in the towel, calling it quits, and divorcing herself.
Why? She's bloody well sick of herself! She got so fed up with her own company that she needed to end the marriage.
"I realized I was putting a lot of pressure on myself, and that sometimes left me exhausted," she told the Mirror. "I understood that even in a marriage with ourselves, it's important to accept our imperfections."
That's not that hard. I accepted my imperfections decades ago, and I couldn't be happier. There were only a couple, though, so that helped.
Slow-gummy?
It's not that she didn't try to work it out. She attended ten sessions of couples therapy, but the sessions probably ended with a lot of bickering and finger-pointing. Ultimately, she decided that divorce was the only option.
So, no trial separation? No taking a break? No getting your own place first? Who gets to keep the apartment?
More importantly, how are you going to split the marital assets? Do you have to give the wedding gifts back? Who gets the toaster and who gets the gravy boat? Are there pets to consider? How will you decide custody?
Suellen, who is from Brazil but lives in London, said her marriage made her feel lonely and that she missed connecting with people. She probably got jealous of all the time she was spending with other people, and she guilted herself into staying home and spending time with herself.
"I realized that my sologamous marriage was a process of healing and self-discovery. But I also understood that personal growth can lead us in different directions," she said.
Sologamous? I'm still trying to figure out how to say "sologamy." Solo-gum-us?
Besides, how do you grow in different directions in a self-marriage? I understand how two people can grow apart, but to grow apart from yourself? That's some next-level squabbling there.
Suellen told the Mirror, "It's crucial to know when to end a cycle. Even commitment to oneself can have its challenges, such as dealing with the expectation of being perfect for yourself all the time."
Believe me, most people have no expectations of being perfect for themselves or their spouses. After a while, you just sort of settle in and think, "Welp, this is my life now."
Suellen will no doubt begin wearing sweatpants and old t-shirts around the house now that she has no one to dress up for.
So-law-gay-muss?
But don't feel too bad for Suellen; I'm sure she's going to land on her feet. According to a story in the Daily Record (official motto: "Making the Mirror look better every day."), the Mariah Carey impersonator has received more than 1,500 marriage proposals since her divorce announcement on August 30.
"I've received more than 30 bouquets in the past few days, and I must say I'm shocked by the sheer number of marriage proposals. I am now more in demand than the nights of London. I don't even know where to put all the bouquets."
In another Instagram Stories video, she said, "I never imagined that, when I divorced myself, so many unexpected things would happen. Receiving marriage proposals from people around the world was something that really surprised me."
Now, Suellen is happy to be dating again. She says she's ready for a relationship with someone else, but she's also going to be a lot more selective about her choices. Because, apparently, choosing "Nobody else on Earth" was not selective enough.
Let's just hope she doesn't drunk-dial herself for a late-night booty call.
Photo credit: Picryl/Pixabay (Creative Commons 1.0)
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