Sailors are a superstitious bunch, maybe the most superstitious in the armed forces. Sailors around the world have certain rules about things you have to do or you're not allowed to do because it will bring bad luck. In fact, to a sailor, everything is about avoiding bad luck, although they don't ever say what kind of bad luck.
Of course, when you're miles from shore, in the middle of the ocean, filled with sharks, it's sort of understood what "bad luck" entails. It typically doesn't involve a bad day of fishing.
The superstitions are never about good luck. Like, finding a penny on the deck will bring good luck. Or "Ooh, a seagull pooped on the captain. That's good luck!"
Sailors are born pessimists, moping around, saying, "Don't talk to a redhead before your voyage. That's bad luck."
The only way to prevent disaster is if you talk to the redhead first. Which is why you don't see any redheaded sailors, but if there were, they would not be allowed to talk for the entire voyage.
In fact, sailors have such a long catalog of "thou shalt nots" about bad luck that they can't even keep them all straight, and many of them depend on where the sailor is from, like France, Brazil, or Switzerland. (Yes, Switzerland has a navy.)
But many of them are followed the world over.
For example, you're not allowed to whistle when you're onboard a ship because you could anger Neptune and "whistle up a storm." You shouldn't say "goodbye," "good luck," or "drowned" while onboard. And wives should never call out or wave to their seafaring husbands once they have walked out the door.
Food plays a role in superstitions. You shouldn't stir your tea with a knife or fork. Never turn a loaf of bread upside down after it has been cut. And never, ever bring a banana onto a boat.
I learned this from one of my new favorite comedy podcasts, We Have a Movie, hosted by Magenta and Bernard (pronounced "BER-nerd") of"Madame Magenta, Sonos Mystica."
According to the husband and wife duo, you're not allowed to bring rabbits onto Brittany Ferries, which travels between Ireland and France or Spain. Since Brittany Ferries is a French company, they won't allow cute and fuzzy bunnies on their Spanish-going ferries either.
Furthermore, most sailors believe you shouldn't say the word "rabbit" onboard. You also can't mention other land-based animals on a ship, like "pig," "goat," or "chicken."
Which is odd because many sailors believed that if you tattooed a rooster and a pig on your feet, you could never drown because the pig and rooster would guide you home.
Which is it, sailors? You can't have pigs and chickens on board, but you can have foot-pictures of pigs and chickens? Real pigs and chickens may sink your ship, but don't worry, the foot-pictures will drive you home.
I'm picturing a fleet of barefoot sailors all slicing through the water feet first, like they're being pulled by an invisible speedboat.
So why do French sailors hate rabbits so much?
According to legend, in the 17th century, a ship was carrying rabbits onboard for food. One rabbit escaped and either gnawed through some cargo ropes or through the hull of the ship. Either way, the ship sank and many sailors drowned.
As a result, Brittany Ferries has said "Non!" to des lapins (that's French for "the rabbits"). You're not even allowed to say "lapin" on a French ship, or the captain will have you thrown off, even if you're in the middle of the ocean.
If that happens, don't count on being rescued, because it's — you guessed it — bad luck.
That's because someone who has fallen overboard is a gift to the sea gods, and you can't take back a gift. Also, there is no five-second rule in the ocean.
Some of the taboos against rabbits go back to pre-Christian Celtic legends in their fishing communities, where land animals like pigs and rabbits may have been symbols of the old gods.
"Please bless our harvest, O Mister Fluffy Whiskers! Especially the carrots and broccoli, which we know you like."
If Brittany Ferries is so adamant about bunnies, they must go overboard — pun intended — about other things they won't allow on their boats. For example, they don't allow any fireworks at all, because they're afraid the rabbits might set them off.
And if you can't take fireworks, you might think they're equally as strict about weapons and flammable items.
You would be wrong.
If you are traveling by car, you can bring petrol, paint, knives, and firearms as long as you stow the materials in your vehicle.
So, you can bring enough gasoline to make a bomb, or several guns and knives, but you can't bring a cute and fuzzy bunny.
"Do you have any weapons or dangerous materials, ma'am?"
"Yes, I have six liters of petrol, a shotgun and 50 cartridges, and 12 knives of varying size and lethality."
"On your person?"
"Oh, no. They're in the trunk of my car, next to a box of gas-soaked rags stuffed into glass bottles."
"Excellent. Anything else?"
"Just my lucky rabbit's foot keychain."
"Prepare to walk the plank, ye scurvy do—I mean, barking fish!"
Photo credit: Thorsten Denhard (Wikimedia Commons, Creative Commons 3.0)
My new humor novel, Mackinac Island Nation, is finished and available from 4 Horsemen Publications. You can get the ebook and print versions here.