My favorite ghost-marrying British woman is back in the news!
Oh, wait, it's sad news.
Regular readers will remember the stories of British rocker, Brocarde, marrying her invisible boyfriend, Edwardo, on Halloween night, in 2022.
Ringing any bells yet?
He was the soldier who had been dead for 300 years after he fell down a well.
Now you've got it.
The not-entirely-unexpected news is that Brocarde, 40, has divorced her idiot husband, Edwardo. She announced the divorce in a new song and video, "Just Another Anthem," which she posted to Instagram on March 17.
Which means the marriage lasted for only four-and-a-half months. Color me surprised.
Edwardo had been nothing but a complete jackwagon during their entire relationship, and frankly, she's lucky to be rid of him.
I first wrote about the couple in October 2021, when they started dating. Edwardo had been behaving badly, floating out of the relationship and disappearing for several days. It seems his feelings were hurt that she had discussed their relationship on the British morning talk show called "This Morning." So he gave her the cold shoulder — and cold everything else — for several weeks afterward, and she thought it was over.
Oh, would that it were so! Except Edwardo is like a fungus. He kept coming back even after she thought he was gone for good. But she couldn't say no to the guy!
So when they got married last year, I wasn't very optimistic about their chances. Not only did they fight about the wedding date, he even flirted with Marilyn Monroe's ghost at their reception. And he told his new bride he had the hots for her.
That is, he told his new bride he had the hots for Marilyn Monroe. At his own wedding.
It turns out the blonde home wrecker was there, along with Elvis Presley and Henry VIII.
Oh, man! "The King" and a king? And Marilyn Monroe? Even Harry and Meghan's wedding wasn't this star-studded.
But things only got worse from there.
During their honeymoon on Barry Island, Wales, Edwardo demanded that Brocarde order the hotel's most expensive champagne and expected her to pay for it. He also wrestled her to the ground while she was eating an ice cream cone, getting it on her face and hair.
Once they returned home, she hoped things would change, but you can't teach a dead dog new tricks. Edwardo would disappear for days at a time and then come home smelling like Chanel No. 5, which was Marilyn's perfume of choice.
It's also a favorite of Catherine Deneuve and Nicole Kidman. And I don't want to start any rumors, but I heard Victoria Beckham is a big fan, too.
Coincidence? You decide.
As Brocarde told Wales Online, she finally realized that her ". . . journey with Edwardo had no positive conclusion and his energy was dragging me down." Well, duh! We tried telling you that two years ago. Still, some people need to touch the stove and figure it out for themselves.
She couldn't go to a regular counselor for couples therapy because the therapist wouldn't be able to hear Edwardo, which is ironic because he clearly wasn't listening to his wife's needs, So she consulted with a medium instead.
The psychic told her to set boundaries with Edwardo, which made him angry. Because bullies and toxic people don't like it when you try to take away their power over you. So he became more aggressive and haunted her with the sound of a screaming baby, although that may have just been bad parents in the apartment next door.
And now? Brocarde has exorcised him right out of her life.
No, literally. She exorcised him by returning to the church where the two first got married and had a priest exorcise the no-good, died-in-a-well moron right out of her body.
Even Jackie Kennedy wasn't strong enough to divorce her husband after he slept with Marilyn several times, but you did it. But if you get back with him again, your next video should be a cover of "What Kind Of Fool Am I?"
In her breakup video, she re-enacted the exorcism and sang the lines, "Toss the bouquet to a bride a day, celebrate the hate we invite to play, I'm divorcing the line of your decay, you've taken me to my knees let's play."
It's not T-Swift's "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," but I'm sure Edwardo got the message.
Still, the guy was a complete idiot, so I fully expect to see a story next year that he's sniffing around and wants her back.
But Brocarde is standing strong. She said that after the divorc-orcism, her life feels more light and joyful. "I am quite adamant that I no longer want to be haunted by Edwardo, so his presence isn't welcome in my life," she said.
Good for you! This guy was the worst. He wasn't even paying his fair share of the rent. If he really loved you, he would have helped you cheat at a casino or something.
Or at least swiped a bottle of Marilyn's perfume.
Photo credit: Brocarde (@Brocarde on Instagram)
My new humor novel, Mackinac Island Nation, is finished and available from 4 Horsemen Publications. You can get the ebook and print versions here.