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Showing posts from February, 2017

Best Restaurants to Have an Existential Crisis In

As a philosophy major and travel writer, I've had my share of both existential crises and road food. And in all my travels, I've found several great restaurants, cafes, and coffee shops to question your purpose in life while enjoying a quick nosh. Here are a few of my favorites.

Waffle House: A staple throughout the Midwest and South, Waffle House is, to paraphrase Karl Marx, "the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, just as it is the spirit of a spiritless situation." Plus, you can get your Regulars Club card punched with every meal.

Try the All-Star Special while you consider that we're all just fuel for a giant economic machine that grinds us up in its endless hunger. Man or woman, black or white, the engine pities no one, from the day we start working to the day we die. But I hope you retire early enough to enjoy some of the fruits of your labor, because seniors get 10% off every Monday.

La Bamba Burritos, Champaign, Illinois: Nothing…

Why Don't We Talk Like That Anymore?

One of the things that disappoints me about our language is that it has become less flowery and expressive than it was 300, or even 150, years ago. We don't use lofty language or elevated speech like they did in high society in the 18th century. Our words are basic and sparse. There's no real magic to our everyday conversations.

I'm not complaining. That's the kind of writing I favor. I've built my entire career on a Hemingway-esque approach to that style, one where "Hemingway-esque" will be the biggest word I use all day.

But I worry that our shift to simpler language has ground down all the flourishes and high points of what our spoken language used to be.

Four hundred years ago, William Shakespeare became history's most famous playwright, thanks to phrases like, "If music be the food of love play on." Or when he taught us that "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind."

These …

Do You Keep Your Ketchup in the Fridge or Pantry?

It was a life changing moment that reshaped my entire childhood. I never knew people lived this way, and the realization that people could do. . . this, and throw caution to the wind, made me realize there was so much more to life than I ever knew.

It was the day I learned my Aunt Karen kept her butter in a cupboard, like some hippie.

This was a big change from my family tradition of keeping little tubs of margarine in the refrigerator. We had to chip out chunks of margarine with a heavy knife and used it to tear big holes into our toast. Or I would put a couple margarine stones between my pancakes, which made the top pancake look like it had a painful cyst.

So when I saw the butter in the cupboard at my aunt's house in Oregon, I thought she was getting old and senile, and had forgotten to put it away. I asked my mother about it, and she said with a sniff, "no, my family always did that growing up."

"Is it okay to eat?" I asked, worried about botulism.

"Su…

Adventures in Vegetarian Taxidermy

Erik is out of the office this week, so we are reprinting a column from 2005.

Kevin: Hello, and welcome to Kevin Ketchum's Kitchen Adventures. I'm Kevin Ketchum and this is my kitchen. Today, I'm joined by Bastian Flannelbeard, noted vegetarian taxidermist and vegetable activist.

Bastian: Hello, Kevin.

Kevin: Hi, Bastian. Vegetarian taxidermy? That's a new one on me. How does that work?

Bastian: Well, let's say you've just enjoyed a particularly good vegetarian meal, like vegetarian lasagna or tofu pizza, and you want to commemorate the experience. How would you do that?

Kevins: Well, actually I hate—

Bastian: That's right, you'd have the vegetable stuffed so you could show off your commitment to the vegetarian lifestyle.

Kevin: But didn't I already eat it?

Bastian: That's right.

Kevin: So how do I stuff it and save it for later?

Bastian: When we first started our company, that little problem set us back for six months. Then we came up with a ne…