Showing posts from July, 2009

Karl the Curmudgeon Deals With His Grandson

Karl the Curmudgeon Deals With His GrandsonErik Deckers
Laughing Stalk syndicate
Copyright 2009

"Kid, I need your help," said the voice on the other end of the phone. It was Karl, my friend and part-time curmudgeon. "Come over to the house. I've got a problem."

Karl met me at the door and led me to the back porch where I saw a spotty-looking youth, dressed all in black, glaring out at the back fence, as if daring it to make a move.

"Kid, this is Kevin, my grandson. Kevin, this is the Kid."

Kevin looked at me suspiciously, as if I were about to harsh his happy, or whatever the young kids are calling disappointment these days.

What's the problem, Karl?

"Kevin is having some problems with his parents right now, so he left home in a show of defiance. I wanted to see if you could talk some sense into him. I figured since you're the same age as his dad, you might be able to offer an outsider's viewpoint."

So what's the matter? I said, sitti…

British City Council Forces Swimmers to Swim Widths, Not Lengths

The Dagenham City Council is up to the same shenanigans that seem to plague most British city councils: they have banned swimmers at a council pool from swimming lengths.

Now they may only swim widths, in order to make it easier for lifeguards to keep an eye on them.

According to a story in the London Daily Mail, the Dagenham City Council believes that it's easier for lifeguards to watch over people swimming the width of the pool than it is to watch them swimming lengths. But the pool's regulars say it's just one more indication that Britain is caught up in the mad health and safety whirlpool.

"Health and safety" is the mating cry of the British bureaucrat, also known as bureaucraticus moronicus, which seems to have come up with this as an alternative to the "if we let you do it, then we have to let everyone else do it" excuse our teachers used when we were kids.

Dean Bradford, 33, has used the Dagenham pool since he was 13.

"A lot of elderly people swi…

Wayback Wednesday: You Think It's Funny, But It's Not

You Think It's Funny, But It's NotErik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2003 (published week of December 5th, 2003)

On Wednesdays, rather than rehashing a news story, I reprint one of my old columns. I've got 15 years' worth of the damn things, so there's no point in letting them sit moldering in a box in my garage. At least not the good ones.

Ask any parent about the worst part of parenting, and they'll all tell you the same thing: "I hate it when my kids get sick." The cries of "I don't fe-e-e-e-e-l go-o-o-o-o-d!" are always met with a heavy sigh, closed eyes, and a brief, but fervent prayer for strength and patience. Mostly patience.

It's not that we're unsympathetic to our children's illness — any parent would willingly take the illness upon themselves to spare their child the agony of a head cold or stomach virus. It's just that when our kids are sick, they wear on our nerves.

They whine. They fuss. They won'… Plays Great Prank on CEO of Verizon to Show Security Flaws

Verizon Wireless wants you to think that your personal data is protected, that it's safe, and is not available for sale on a website. Things like your cell phone number, address, etc. are not for sale on the Internet, unless they are.

Which they totally are.

According to a great post on (which cited a Washington Post article), this is a problem with the cell phone carriers who not only have poor security measures, some of their employees may be selling your information.

So somebody at signed up for a "free cell phone records" to get the unlisted address for Ivan Seidenberg, CEO of Verizon. Then he plugged the address into his GPS, and drove out to Seidenberg's neighborhood just outside New York City.

"Ivan Seidenberg!" I shouted into the bullhorn, and it was just insanely loud. The sound echoed off the brick facade of Ivan's estate, splashing onto all the McMansions around him.

"I'm here on behalf of Verizon customers. PLEASE DO A B…

I'm Speaking at Blog Indiana 2009

I'll be speaking at the 2009 Blog Indiana conference in August.

I'll be speaking on "Three Effective Blogging Techniques" (although I may have 5. I live to give a little extra) and "Promoting Your Blog Through Social Media" on Thursday, You can find a schedule of speakers here.

You can buy tickets at the website. The full conference pass that covers all 4 days is your best value: $245.

Here’s the Press Release for Blog Indiana 2009 (that I swiped from Doug Karr's website)
Blog Indiana, founded last year by Noah Coffey and Shawn Plew, announced its second annual blogging and social media conference. The three-day event will be held August 13 through 15, 2009 from 9:00 am until 4:00 pm at the Informatics and Communications Technology Complex on the IUPUI Campus and will bring bloggers, marketers, and small business owners from across the state in an effort to promote education, innovation and collaboration. The conference is sponsored by the I…

British Schools Replace Regular Ties With Clip-Ons

After a few hundred years of making British school students wear ties as part of their school uniforms, many British schools are switching to clip-on ties over safety concerns that the little snowflakes might become injured.

According to an article on the BBC, students at the McCauley Catholic High School are being forced to switch because of fears they will be caught in equipment or catch fire during science class.

School administrators are also concerned they could be "worn in a scruffy style."

As a response, more than 400 people have joined a Facebook protest group to complain that they want to go back to the old ties.

Administrators need to stop and reconsider what they're asking. If millions of tie-wearing kids haven't choked themselves in the past couple hundred years, they're not going to start yet.

Put your energies into finding other safety issues to care about, like whether the precious snowflakes will stab themselves with the school-issued pencils and cafet…

Phone It In Sunday: "The Waldo Ultimatum" from

From those funny kids at I was in college when the "Where's Waldo?" phenomenon first hit. (Did you know it was called "Where's Wally?" when it was first published in England?)

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.
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Did You Know It's Illegal to Play Catch in Clearwater, Florida?

Clearwater, Florida is giving the United Kingdom a run for its money in the "Biggest Nanny State Ever" competition. But one politician is trying to change all that. (If we were Fark, I'd give him a "Hero" tag.)

According to an article on WFTV's website, Clearwater City Councilman George Cretekos is trying to change the law that made it illegal to play catch on anything but a designated area.

Apparently, the Clearwater City Council managed to slip this little gem through without a lot of people noticing. (Or at least me; I've only been doing this blog on a daily basis since December 2008.)

Boneheaded officials who originally passed the law said the idea was to give police the authority to stop a game on a public beach or park if it were going to hurt someone. However, it meant "a 1-year-old playing catch is breaking the law."

As if. I have yet to meet a 1-year-old with the arm strength or accuracy to throw a ball back to me. Big bunch of wusses.


A Blogger's Response to Newspaper Columnist Stu Bykofsky

On July 23rd, Stu Bykofsky, daily columnist for the Philadelphia Daily News, thought he was being funny when he wrote:
I DON'T have a blog. If I did blog, this is what it would be like. (To make it seem like a real blog, I'll include typos and factual errors.)Haaa-ha, Stu. What a funny guy. You see, Stu thinks that since his words are printed on dead trees, they're somehow more important and credible.

Important and credible, like in August 2007, when he said we needed another 9/11 to bring the country back together. Yep, that's right. Mr. "I'm a real journalist" was advocating for the deaths of thousands more Americans so we could all have some national unity. That's real journalism right there.

His words are printed on dead trees, yet I found them online.

That's sort of like a blog, isn't it?

I guess if I wanted to give Stu "We need another 9/11" Bykofsky a snarky response, I'd say something clever and witty like:
I don't work fo…

Road Trip with the Family

Road Trip with the FamilyErik Deckers
Laughing Stalk syndicate
Copyright 2009

"No, we're not there yet, Buddy."

"We still have 128 miles to go."

"Five minutes after the last time you asked me."

"But you just went when we stopped. We stopped, what, 30 minutes ago? You can't have to go again, can you?"

"What do you mean you didn't go then? Why didn't you go then?"

"I don't care if you didn't have to go. You need to go when we all stop, not when you have to."

"No, I'm not going to stop. You can just hold it for 30 more minutes."

"What? She's not going to wet her pants."

"Because she's eight. She's got better control than that."

"She didn't have that much to drink, did she?"

"I don't now, I thought you gave her a drink."

"Honey, did you drink any water before we left?"

"Good. Then we don't need to stop yet. Hold it for 30 more mi…

Denver Cop Pulls Gun on Area McDonald's When Food Takes Too Long

I'll admit, McDonald's is not always very speedy with their food. Sometimes you have to wait for a few minutes before your order is finally done.

Still, that's no reason to pull a gun on the people inside. Especially when you're a police officer

Denver police officer Derrick Curtis Saunders has been charged with "felony menacing" for pulling his gun at an Aurora, Colorado McDonald's while waiting for his food.

According to a story in the Denver Post, Saunders and another off-duty police officer were waiting at the drive-through window back in May, when Saunders got tired of waiting and thought that a show of force would somehow make the microwaves work faster.

Saunders has been charged with felony menacing and weapons charges, as well as prohibited use of a weapon, reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct and trying to order breakfast items after 11:00 am.

There is no truth to the rumor that Saunders was actually trying to apprehend Hamburglar.

Saunders needs …

My review of "I was Merely Acting/Dramatic Shorts" at the Indianapolis International Film Festival

I'm not much into dramatic movies. As a humor writer, I try to avoid things that are, well, dramatic. I like to say it's because dramatic movies and TV shows just suck the humor right out of me. But in truth it's because dramatic means "will make Erik tear up."

But still, I had decided to see the dramatic shorts at the Indianapolis International Film Festival on Tuesday. I figured they were short enough that we would be starting the next one before the first one really had a chance to grab ahold of me.

Here's a quick rundown of the five movies in the "I Was Merely Acting/Dramatic Shorts", including Free Lunch, The Collector, Borderless, The Chef's Letter, and Weathered.

Free Lunch
The story of a privileged young man who decides to shake off the fetters of wealth and privilege to open his own lunch truck in Los Angeles. Walter was one of those optimistic young liberals who thinks he's down with the people because he lives in a 2-room apartment an…

PETA Wants to Rename California Beach "Sea Kitten Beach"

Earlier this year, PETA wanted the entire world to stop calling fish "fish," and instead start calling them "sea kittens." After all, they reasoned, no one would eat a kitten.

Of course, the only ones who are actually doing this are PETA people, so I'm not too worried about our language changing any time soon.

But now they're trying to get the California State Parks system to change the name of Pescadero State Beach to Sea Kitten State Beach. They have offered to pay to keep the park open if California will change the name of the park. They sent a letter to State Parks director Ruth Coleman with their offer.

Pescadero is one of the 219 state parks that will be closed as a part of the Governornator's plan to overcome a $26.3 billion deficit.

The term "sea kitten" is an effort to evoke the same sympathy for fish that people feel for cats and dogs, according to PETA Manager of Campaigns Lindsay Rajt.

"Pescadero means 'the place to fish,' …

Haverford, PA Police Bust Up Illegal Lemonade Ring

Haverford, Pennsylvania police had quite a little PR flap going on a few weeks ago, after they broke up a supposedly-illegal door-to-door lemonade ring.

According to the story in the Philadelphia Inquirier (official motto: No, you're thinking of the Enquirer), seven little kids, including 5-year-old triplets, were selling lemonade on their quiet suburban street, but one of their neighbors felt it was his duty to report the children to the police.

So the officer — whose name was blacked out in the official police report obtained by the Inquirer — visited Dana Kleinschmidt, mother of four of the lawbreakers (including the triplets), and told her the kids were violating the law because they were selling food without a permit.

So Kleinschmidt told the kids they had to stop, but told the officer that she had never heard of that law.

Mostly because there wasn't one.

"We all sold lemonade when we were kids," John F. Viola, deputy chief of police, told the Inquirer. "We all …

Phone It In Sunday: Raisin Brahms video

I love the arts. I love teaching my kids about the arts. I love TV commercials where long-dead musical composers burst through the walls like the "Hey Kool-Aid!!" ads from when I was a kid.

The kids reaction — "JOHANNES BRAAAAAAHMS?!?!" — cracks me up.

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Cooking Spray Cannot Remove Goats From Trees. Who Knew?

Pop quiz: How do you get a goat out of an oak tree? You should:

1) Wave to it and when it waves back, it will fall out.
2) Tie a rope around its waist and pull.
3) Use cooking spray.

Actually, none of these will work. But according to a story in the Ventura County Star, Alysia Krafel of California tried the cooking spray trick when one of her goats, King George got stuck in it.

How the goat got stuck in a tree is an interesting story in itself. Apparently, Krafel has several oak trees in her yard, and goats love oak trees. And most of the leaves have been stripped of their leaves from about six feet on down. But that doesn't stop the goats.

King George, and several of Krafel's goats can reach the higher leaves when they stand on their back feet, which is what King George was probably doing. Krafel said she thinks George slipped, got twisted around, and got one of his hooves caught in a crevice between two branches.

Krafel had just returned from a vacation that night in Seattle, when …

Buying a German Blue Pen: Putting My High School German to Use

Erik is out of the office this week, so we are reprinting a column from 2005.

I recently found myself in Germany on a business trip (Geschäftsreise), and was looking forward to using my German language skills I had learned in high school (Gymnasium). I was looking forward to immersing myself in a week-long cultural adventure.

The lessons learned during the first few weeks of class were still burned in my memory, and I was convinced that, despite their simplicity, the knowledge was still valuable. I mentally rehearsed the various statements so I would be ready to engage in the many conversations my teacher promised we would have if we ever went to Germany.

"Hello. My name is Erik." ("Guten Tag. Ich heisse Erik.")

"I would like some orange juice, please" ("Ich möchte Orangensaft, bitte.")

"My pen is blue." ("Meine Kugelschreiber ist blau.")

"I like your lederhosen." ("Mir gefällt Seine Lederhose.")

You can i…

51-Year-Old Elkhart, IN Man Found Nude in Cemetery

There are days I hear stories from my old hometown of Syracuse, Indiana, and nearby parts of the state, and think, "Hey, I used to live up there! I'm so proud."

And then there's today.

According to an Elkhart Truth story reprinted on WSBT22's website (official motto: "what do you mean, there are people outside South Bend?"), an unnamed 51-year-old man was spotted by an off-duty police officer walking nude around Elkhart's Rice Cemetery.

Elkhart Patrolman Daniel Milanese saw the naked guy during his run inside the cemetery this past Sunday, standing next to a pickup. That's when things got a little hairy. The guy got back into his truck and drove off, but Milanese got the man's license plate and tracked him down. He called the man and asked him to come in for an interview. But the man didn't get testes or annoyed; he cooperated fully with police.

The suspect told the police he had been golfing all day, so he was really sweaty, and his underwe…

Wayback Wednesday: But I NEED Five Hammers

As a way to bring my writing forward into the 21st century, and because I was too busy to find and research another post for today, I'm firing up the Way Back Machine, and pulling out a column from September 2003.

But I NEED Five HammersErik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2003

One of the great things about being a home owner is that there is always something that needs to be repaired or remodeled. And while most home owners will agree that I've probably been hit in the head with a hammer too many times, any tool-loving Guy knows exactly what I'm talking about.

The reason these projects are so wonderful is they usually require a new tool to finish them. And not just any tool. We want a heavy-duty, testosterone-laden tool that can also function as a military weapon when it's not being used for minor household repairs.

So smart Guys will only work on projects that require a new tool. But even smarter Guys will create projects that let them buy the special tool they&…

Philly Swim Club Invites Disinvited Kids Back Following International Outrage

The Valley Swim club — the "private, exclusive" swim club that turned away 65 inner-city day care children — is reaching out to the Creative Steps Day Care Center and inviting them back to use their facilities.

According to a story on, the "private, exclusive" Valley Club came to the decision during a "hastily called Sunday afternoon meeting." The club voted "overwhelmingly" to make the peace offering.

The club originally said they canceled the contract with the day care center, thus dashing the hopes of 65 children who just wanted to swim, because they couldn't handle all the extra kids, despite accepting their check for $1,950. And the checks of two other day care centers.

Needless to say, Creative Steps is a little leery about the invitation, since they maintain that some of the members of the "private, exclusive" club made racist comments to the black and Hispanic children.

"As long as we can work out safety issues, we…

D.C. Police Chief Denounces iPhone Speed Trap App as "Cowardly"

Washington D.C. police chief Cathy Lanier thinks people who use the PhantomAlert iPhone app are cowards who are trying to circumvent the law.

According to a story in the Washington Examiner, several Washington area drivers are using PhantomAlert to find speed traps and speed cameras in the metro D.C. area, and slow down to an appropriate speed, or avoid the area entirely.

Chief Lanier told the Examiner, "I think that's the whole point of this program. It's designed to circumvent law enforcement — law enforcement that is designed specifically to save lives."

She called the iPhone app a "cowardly tactic," and promised D.C. drivers "people who overly rely on those and break the law anyway are going to get caught."

So, let me make sure I have this right:

This is about driver safety, not generating revenue.
People who are aware of speed traps will slow down to avoid them.
Slowing down in your vehicle will save lives.
But people who slow down to avoid speed tra…

Phone It In Sunday: Who Reads British Newspapers, According to "Yes, Prime Minister"

Even if you're not familiar with the British newspapers, this is still a pretty funny clip. Still, it's helpful to know that The Sun is famous for its Page Three Girls — women who appear topless on the third page of the paper.

You can get a rundown on what the papers are from anglophile Jon Thomas, from Northwest Indiana and fellow blogger, in his Anglotopia blog, "Which British Paper Are You? A Guide to British Newspapers."

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Philly Swim Club Doesn't Want You to Think They're All Racists

The president of the Valley Club swim club doesn't want us to think they're all racists, even though the entire country now thinks so.

Earlier this week, 65 inner city kids from the Creative Steps summer day camp were disinvited from swimming at the Valley Club, despite paying $1,950 for the chance for the kids to swim there.

After the first visit, there were supposedly a lot of mothers who were shocked — SHOCKED! — that black kids would be allowed to swim with their precious little babies. One student even reported hearing a mother ask why there were so many black kids at the pool.

So, because of pressure from the members, the Valley Club refunded the day campers their $1,950.

Then things got all racisty.

Club president John Duesler issued a statement on Tuesday that said, "There was concern that a lot of kids would change the complexion. . . and the atmosphere of the club."

Not smart.

The next day, protesters marched in front of the club carrying signs that said "…

My Brush With Wildlife

My Brush With WildlifeErik Deckers
Laughing Stalk syndicate
Copyright 2009

When I first moved to Syracuse, Indiana 16 years ago, I wasn't quite prepared for the rural life of northern Indiana. I was a city boy. I grew up in the burgeoning metropolis of Muncie, Indiana, home of Ball Jars and Ball State University. I even lived on Ball Avenue, completing the Ball Family's trifecta.

I thought milk and eggs came from the grocery store, that only rednecks and moonshiners lived out in the country, and that there were still places outside of town that lacked indoor plumbing and electricity. The only time I ever visited the country was when we were driving to other cities.

Needless to say, I was out of my element when I first moved to north central Indiana, and started working as the marketing director for a company that sold poultry equipment around the world. For one thing, I quickly learned that eggs didn't just come from the grocery store.

In 2005, I worked about an hour away from h…

British Shop Dummy Ordered Removed by City Council

Hamid Shahabi has been ordered to remove a mannequin dressed as a soldier from outside his window because it's supposedly giving local bank staff flashbacks of an armed robbery this past winter.

Shahabi, who owns an army surplus store in Bolton, said "Darren" has stood watch over the neighborhood for five years. He refuses to take the mannequin down, despite facing a fine.

According to the BBC, Shahabi says Darren attracts donations for a British charity, Help for Heroes. He named the mannequin Darren because it looks like a friend in the army — named Darren, one would suspect — so he dressed it in camouflage fatigues to commemorate troops in Afghanistan.

Lloyds bank was robbed in February of this year, although a spokeswoman for the bank refused to comment whether the mannequin was actually having any effect on the workers. However, a spokeswoman for the Bolton Council, who is apparently also a practicing psychologist, says this is causing all sorts of flashbacks for the w…

Controversial U of Colorado Professor Denied Job Reinstatement, Back Pay

Ward Churchill, the controversial University of Colorado professor, was denied the chance to get his job back by a judge, even though a jury said he had been improperly fired.

According to a story in the Denver Post, Churchill taught ethnic studies at U of Colorado - Boulder for years, but was fired after the University had "determined he had plagiarized and falsified scholarly work for years."

The firing came on the heels of an essay Churchill wrote, calling some of the victims of the September 11 attacks "little Eichmanns."

The University said they fired Churchill for academic misconduct, but he says he was fired for exercising his right to free speech.

"I regret that I have but one life to give for my career," said Churchill. "I have a dream that one day, little administrators and little professors will be able to join hands and walk together as colleagues."

(Okay, he didn't really say that.)

Churchill had won a jury trial, after a jury decided…

Twitter Meme Proposal: #1ThingWednesday

In the spirit of #FollowFriday Twitter meme, I'm starting #1ThingWednesday.

The idea is that on Wednesday you propose One Thing — one thought, one song, one piece of art, one book, one article, one big idea — that moves you.

It could be a song you really like, an article that taught you something new or led to a new opportunity, a piece of art that you enjoy, or one of the videos from TED or the Smaller Indiana, Bigger Ideas conference.

Just say what it is, give a headline or explanation, and a URL to the One Thing, and share it with your followers.

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Food Related Assault Epidemic Reaches Iowa, Man Attacks Girlfriend with Pizza

The food-related assault epidemic continues to grow. It started in Florida last year, with four sandwich-to-the-face attacks, three of them occurring within 15 miles of each other. Then it spread to Philadelphia and Illinois, with a meatball sub and McGriddle attack, respectively.

Now, a Des Moines, Iowa man was arrested on Sunday after smashing his girlfriend in the face with a slice of pizza.

According to the police report, Ron Reliford ". . . said he used some pizza to smash into her face." Poor editing notwithstanding, this is the first time pizza has been used in one of these documented attacks.

Police said Reliford had choked his girlfriend, Deneen Kilby, and hit her with the slice. He told police, "It only takes two minutes to choke a (expletive)." The Des Moines Register would not even give us a clue as to what the (expletive) was, but I'm guessing it was the B-word.

The Register said Reliford was charged with domestic assault causing injury.

Past food-relat…

Kid Rock Introduces New American Badass Beer. Gives Me a Chance to Say Badass in Headline

Kid Rock is bringing the level of beer discourse down more than a few notches with the introduction of his "American Badass Beer."

Kid Rock will introduce said Badass Beer, under the name the American Badass Beer Company, later this month. It will be uncapped at his concerts at Detroit's Comerica Park, July 17 - 18.

In an interview with the Detroit News, Kid Rock said, "People that like premium beers and Guinness is their of choice, they will not like this. I want this to be like the beer I drink. You grab it, you share it with your friends, it's refreshing, it's cold, it gives you a good buzz. Done."

Lovely. Of course, most people who drink premium beers and Guinness probably don't listen to Kid Rock either, so he can just suck it.

So what beer don't you grab, share, enjoy cold, or get a good buzz? If that's his criteria for what makes a good beer, might I also recommend Coors (Kid Rock's favorite), Pabst Blue Ribbon, Budweiser, and that n…

Indiana Fever - Atlanta Dream Live Blogging - 4th quarter

Quarter #4 starts out with Tenacious B tangling with Iziane Castro Marques from Brazil. Marques does a behind-the-back dribble and gives Tenacious a little schooling. B responds a couple minutes later by stealing the ball.

My 6-year-old son is cheering along with the crowd, "Wet's go Fevew! Wet's go Fevew!" A real awwww moment.

Man, it's a whole flock of boo birds as the ref blows another call against the Fever. Where's Gene Hackman when we need him?

Center Tammy Sutton-Brown is taking several for the team as she gets knocked on her butt twice — make that three times now — either shooting or going for the ball. She's tough. Any minute now, she's going to say, "Erika de Souza, dont make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

The Fever are turning it up and mounting a comeback, thanks in part to Sutton-Brown's iron backside.

This is turning into a real brawl. Tenacious B gets tripped, Jennifer Lacy trips over her sprawled body.…

Indiana Fever - Atlanta Dream Live Blogging - 3rd quarter

Blogger is giving me fits today. Not fun when I'm trying a new writing venture like this.

Atlanta's Michelle Snow and Erica DeSouza are tall for a human being, man or woman. They're both 6'5", which is not that uncommon, but still 3" taller than me. It's normally not a problem, but Michelle Snow is on the bench, and the Dream are all supporting their team by standing up in front of me. Hey, down in front!!

Now that DeSouza is on the bench with Coco Miller and Ivory Latta — 3:00 remaining — there's close to 20 feet of Dream standing in front of me whenever Atlanta's on their end of the court.

Julie Graue, VP of Business Development for the Fever, came down for a visit. We're talking about basketball ops, the team, and 4th of July fireworks.

I realized I haven't been watching as much while Ive been writing, so I'm spending more time paying attention to the game. I don't know how the sportswriters do it. Watch the game AND write about it?

Indiana Fever - Atlanta Dream Live Blogging - 2nd quarter

A brief respite, a chance to watch two guys wearing crash helmets try to win a Bud Light gift package by spinning around with their heads on a bat, and then try to make a layup. Serves as sort of a morality lesson for the little kids. Drink too much Bud Light, and you'll need a crash helmet when you play basketball.

Fever having a slight problem trying to finish a drive. The Dream not having as much trouble. Sort of like the 1992 Colts vs. the 2007 Colts.

Tamecka Dixon sinks a 3 pointer and I see someone I saw at a game last year do her little tradition. Whenever a Fever player sinks a 3 pointer, the woman runs her seat at the bottom of section 15 up to the top rows, high-fives someone up there, runs to back to her seat, high-fives her seatmate, and sits down. When I saw her last year, I actually bumped into her at the end of the game and asked her why she did it.

"Several of us used to have season tickets together last year, and we would high five each other when they scored. T…

Indiana Fever - Atlanta Dream Live Blogging - 1st quarter

I'm sitting in Section 7, Row 4, Seat 3 at the Indiana Fever - Atlanta Dream game, thanks to my new BFF Julie Graue, VP of Business Development for the Fever. I brought my laptop along to see about doing some live blogging about the game. The last event I live blogged was the Indianapolis 500, and then, I was only writing about the crashes. And unless Marco Andretti drives Tammy Sutton-Brown into the wall, I'll just be writing about basketball.

1st quarter

The quarter gets off to a fast start for the Fever. They struggle at first, and the Dream got off to a more consistent start, scoring 3 baskets before the Fever realized the whistle had blown. But our women never say die, and they worked hard to bring it back to 14 - 10 before the first timeout at 4:50 remaining.

Tully "Tenacious B" Bevilaqua has an arch-nemesis at thisgame, in the form of 5'9" Coco Miller. She and Tenacious B are scrapping on the court, hard enough that with their energy, they're either…