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Showing posts from February, 2008

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones
Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2008

"Come on, Sweetie, keep up."

"Because you're walking too slowly. We need to get to the library before it closes."

"I know you're looking for rocks. You don't need any more."

"Because we've only gone two blocks and you've got five rocks."

"We have four blocks to go, and I don't want you picking up every rock you find."

"Because there's a gravel driveway on the next block, and I'm afraid of what you'll do."

"Not even if they're pretty. You think every rock is pretty."

"I know a lot of them are pretty, but we've got 10 more rocks at home."

"You just don't need anymore. That makes 15 rocks, and you don't know what to do with them."

"No, you can't display them on the dining room table."

"No, you can't display them on my workbench either."

"How …

The Lawyer that Ate New York

The Lawyer that Ate New York
Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2008

I used to know a guy who, quite literally, didn't get hyperbole. He didn't understand exaggeration. As a result, he missed most jokes that came his way.

If you said, "I've told you a million times not to exaggerate," he would argue that it wasn't a million, then pull out a ledger sheet that showed how times you had said it.

I once made a joke about a nearby city only having one stoplight because it was so small. He said, "That's not true. It's a pretty big town. They've got a bunch of stoplights."

"That was hyperbole," I said. He stared blankly at me.

"I exaggerated," I explained.

"I know, that's why I was concerned. I've been to that city, and they've got several stoplights."

"No, I mean it was a joke," I explained further.

"Oh." He gave a half-smile, as if he got it, but he didn't. I think he was ment…

The Tooth, and Nothing But The Tooth

The Tooth, and Nothing But The Tooth
Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2008

To commemorate the death of noted shark exploder Roy Scheider, and the movie that resulted in Erik never setting foot in the ocean again, we are reprinting this column from 2003.

Shark Experts 0, Sharks 1.

Noted shark expert, Dr. Erich Ritter, has said that he has never been bitten by a shark because he understands shark behavior. Ritter, the chief scientist for the Global Shark Attack File, part of the Shark Research Institute, has even said he can keep them away just by modifying his heart rate.

But you have to wonder about that after he was bitten by a 350 pound bull shark on April 10.

According to Marie Levine, executive director of the Shark Research Institute, Ritter was badly bitten by a shark in the Bahamas.

As she said this, male reporters grimaced and doubled over in sympathetic pain.

"No, no, the BAHAMAS," Levine said. "That little chain of islands off the East Coast of Florida.&q…

Aussie Real Estate Agents Sue Google Over Links

According to an article on ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation), Australian real estate agents Mark Forytarz and Paul Castran of Castran Gilbert are suing Google because the search engine giant is linking to an article at Jenman Real Estate Monitors. Jenman writes about their alleged activities in pressuring Robert Langer to sell his home against his wishes, and then demanding their commission.Another article in Techdirt says that it’s hard to see how Google is liable for the link.“If there's a defamatory article, then the liability is on whoever wrote it and put it online. The fact that Google found it in a search shouldn't transfer liability to them -- even if (as the agents indicate) Google was told that the content was defamatory,” Techdirt author Mike Masnick wrote.In other words, Forytarz and Castran don’t want people to see this article. So don’t click this link to read about Forytarz’s alleged tactics. Seriously. And don't do it right now.
This gives rise …

For Better or Worse. . . a Lot Worse

For Better or Worse. . . a Lot Worse
Erik Deckers
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2008

"Marriage: It's Only Going to Get Worse."

When I read that headline this week, I wasn't sure if it was a news story or an ad for a divorce lawyer.

Turns out this little ray of sunshine was for an article at LiveScience.com, a science news Web site, about a new study that says spouses get more irritated with each other as they grow older. In other words, what starts out as a small pebble in your shoe will be a huge emotional boulder by your 50th anniversary.

"The study results could be a consequence of accumulated contact with a spouse such that the nitpicking or frequent demands that once triggered just a mild chafe develops into a major pain," the article said, pointing a bony finger at nitpicking and demanding spouses everywhere. You know who you are.

"Do you, Mark, promise to nitpick and frequently demand, 'til death do you part?"

"Boy, do I ever!"

Art…