Finstad changed the words after he realized the offending, sexist, female-oppressing term was in the song. Only after getting all students to pass the No Child Left Behind tests and passing all classes, and solving the school's funding issues, teen pregnancy, and dropout rate, of course.
He made the discovery after some of his students wanted to paint the words to the son on the gym wall, which included "Fight fellows, fight, fight, fight." So he nixed the plan until a student, junior Bridget Nickel, came up with a less offensive version that used gender-neutral terms, like "OMG" and "w00t."
So if he's so uptight about the word "fellow" (which makes me wonder what he feels about the word "fellowship" or if he'll throw a hissy if his students ever become "doctor…
Peabody, Mass. High School is canceling the students' ice cream social fundraiser, because the school district doesn't understand that people can just buy this stuff at the store. Or that there are stores that specialize in selling ice cream.
Students have a monthly ice cream social as a way to raise funds for school clubs, the student newspaper, sports teams, and local charities. They raise about $400 each month, but they'll have to find another way, since the dunderheaded administrators (who probably eat ice cream at home) have canceled the best possible, safest, most wholesome fundraising event a bunch of high school kids can put on month after month?
The school district says the school is in violation of state and federal wellness guidelines that apparently say ice cream should never, ever be eaten by children under any circumstances, whatsoever.
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Several weeks ago, my family and I had the chance go with some friends and their kids to the Pokagon State Park Toboggan Run. This quarter-mile artificial hill looks like a bobsled run, but it's a straight-downhill run. This is a mini-diary of my day, and the five trips up and down the slope.
Trip #1 - We rented three sleds and dragged them 50 yards from the toboggan rental up to the run. Well, the others did. I hoisted mine by the rope and carried it. They're only 60 pounds or so. Not that heavy. The rental place were out of the 30 pound toboggans, but that's okay. They're not that heavy.
I can't understand why the kids are so lazy. Maybe this will be good for our kids. Show them what real work is like, and that a trip down the hill can be rewarding after a good, brisk walk up the quarter-mile hill.
Some people are actually getting their cars and driving down to the parki…
I know the economy is bad, but if you're in the repair business, you don't go breaking things in order to create more business for yourself, because you're going to get caught.
That's what happened to Andrew Krogh, owner of AA Glass and Mirror, in Sacramento, Calif.
He was caught after a stakeout at a martial arts school that had been suffering broken windows for months. Students of the Cassio Werneck Brazilian Jiu Jitsu school were hiding in the area when the caught Krogh in the act. They held Krogh and alerted a sheriff's deputy, who is also a student at the school.
Krogh was found with a slingshot and ball bearings in his possession.
The school's landlord had spent at least $12,000 with Krogh over the last six months to fix 13 broken windows. Another of Krogh's clients said he had replaced three of her windows and doors earlier this year, after they had all been shot out or shattered.
According to a story in the Brisbane Courier-Mail, this seeminlgy out-of-hand decision has gotten Netball Queensland into a little hot water with the country's citrus growers, which affects 82 different netball associations around the Australian province. The nannies staff are concerned about high levels of oranges and the potential damage it could do.
Never mind the players could get the oranges at home.
"Most of our associations have banned oranges at half-time or are discouraging coaches from offering oranges," an unidentified Netball Queensland spokeswoman told the Courier-Mail.
But the Queensland Citrus Growers is up in arms. They were about to launch a campaign that promoted fruit at sport…
Arizona state senator Linda Gray really put her foot in it when she emailed a high-school freshman about her poor writing skills, and said the girl would have trouble passing the AIMS language test and is a poor learner.
The student wanted to know why lawmakers cut the state's education budget, but not any of their own. The story said it was "an unbroken string of sentences with no punctuation.
So Gray, helping to underscore why they should have raised the education budget rather than cut it, wrote to the student: "I have grave concerns on your ability to pass the AIMS language test," she wrote.
"Why didn't you take to (sic) time to write an e-mail with the proper punctuation? By your poorly written e-mail, your example tells me that all the money we have spent on your education shows a lack of learning on your part.&quo…
Since my family is from Holland, I have a special place in my heart for Dutch television. When I would visit my grandmother in Den Haag (The Hague), we could always watch American television shows without the commercials, because they always appeared at the end. Most of Europe requires TV and radio license fees, which eliminates the need for commercials -- think PBS but with regular commercials, not "underwriting messages" -- which means they only play them at the end of shows for about 10 minutes, which gives you plenty of time to do something else.
One thing I always love about Dutch commercials is that you don't need to understand the language to understand the message. This is a commercial for a Dutch insurance company.
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According to a story in the Hartford Courant (official motto: we taste great on buns), Elizabeth Russell, 45, and her 13-year-old daughter were arrested for shoplifting. Elizabeth and her daughter were caught stealing clothes and jewelry at Kohl's Department Store in Hartford.
So, like a good husband, Daryll (yes, that's how they spelled it) Russell showed up at the police station to bail the two out, and was promptly arrested for violating the conditions of his probation for burglary and larceny in Cheshire, Conn.
Then, like a good son, Jonathan Russell showed up at the police station to bail the three out, and was promptly arrested for violating the conditions of his probation for larceny and motor vehicle case in Southington, Conn.
"I don't ever recall having four related people in lockup at the same time," Lt. Brian …
Toronto's Tempest in a Coffee CupErik Deckers Laughing Stalk Syndicate Copyright 2009
How many people does it take to figure out how to dispose of paper cups?
If you're the city of Toronto, it takes six months for 40 people divided into five sub-committees to thoroughly examine the issue, followed by $50,000 worth of consultants' reports.
Consultant REPORTS? I could do it in two words.
Cost per word? $25,000. Oh sure, I can expand that to "You should recycle the cups" to increase the value of the report ($10,000 per word), but the net result is the same.
To be fair, Toronto is dealing with 350 million cups, but still 40 people divided into FIVE sub-committees? $50,000 of consulting reports?! I could get rid of that many cups by myself for $50,000, and it would take me ten minutes.
Pawel Kusznirewicz, Wasaga Beach, Ontario, is suing the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation for $45 million. Not because he lost. Because he won.
Kusznirewicz had played at the Innisfil casino with his wife on December 8, sinking about $60 on a slot machine called the Buccaneer. He made his last pull when the lights started flashing and sirens started wailing.
The video screen showed that he won $42.9 million. The casino management said he didn't. They said the machine had malfunctioned and said they weren't going to pay him one dime.
But to make up for the devastating loss of nearly $43 million, the manager gave him her business card for two free dinners in the casino restaurant. But then she realized that seemed pretty stingy, so she upped it to four free dinners.
Yeah, four dinners. That's just as good. Besides, they must be good meals, since each dinner is worth $10.725 million. ($2 million drinks not included.)
Needless to say, Kusznirewicz was extremely upset (maybe if…
And, since other people have ancestors buried there, he started collecting their information as well, even creating a website at OldUnionCemetery.com, posting the information of the 475 burials and a photograph of each stone.
"Once I got into it, I figured other people trying to find ancestors would find information in the cemetery helpful," he told the Herald-Leader.
However, the Old Union church board told Shannon he had to take the information down. They sent him a letter demanding he "cease publishing pictures of stones ... not part of your family because it i…
Problem was he's been dead for 450 years. I can't imagine what his license fee will be, but since TV has been around since the 1940s, I can imagine it won't be cheap.
According to a Reuters story, the broadcast fee collection office sent the bill to the last address they had on record for Ries, who bought the house in 1525. Four hundred years later, the house was turned into a math club, named in his honor.
"We received a letter saying 'To Mr Adam Ries' on it, with the request to pay his television and radio fees," club manager Annegret Muench told Reuters.
So Muench returned the letter to the collections office with a note that said Ries had died in 1559. But in typical German efficiency, the office sent a reminder to the dead alg…
This is a video, found at Thru-You.com, made by editing genius Kutiman, who spliced and cuttogether all these different YouTube videos. It sounds like something you'd hear in a 1970s police movie or in a Quentin Tarantino flick.
Zimmerman, who teaches history and education at New York University – for money, presumably – says university professors used to write for their city's newspapers 100 years ago without getting any payment. So he sees nothing wrong with them doing it now.
Most professors, says Zimmerman, aren't paid for what they write now. Academic journals don't pay anything, and they only reach a few hundred people in their field. Newspapers, on the other hand, reach thousands of people, and the professors could do the writing so they could reach lots and lots of people.
(This seems to forget that professors write for academic journals as part of their job responsibility. They're not really doing it for free. They're already getting paid for it.)
Wine vs. Beer: Spitting Is For SissiesErik Deckers Laughing Stalk Syndicate Copyright 2009
Erik is out of the office this week, so we are reprinting a column from 2004.
Spring is in the air, and a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of love. And that's fine for young men, but when you hit your 40s, your fancy turns to thoughts of beer.
At least mine do. There's just something about Spring that draws me outside, like a moth to a flame. But not just any flame. A flame with a comfortable camp chair and a cold beer where I can sit and watch the kids play in the yard.
You've got to love politicians who puff up their chest with self-importance and believe their position gives them special privileges and exemption from the laws they've sworn to uphold (and in some cases, helped to pass).
The food-related attacks have finally left Florida and have hit Illinois. Peoria, to be exact.
This past Saturday, an unidentified man became violent and assaulted a McDonald's employee when his McGriddle sandwich didn't have an egg in it.
At 5:20 am, the man became irate when the sandwich didn't have the egg, so the woman in the window said she would correct the problem. However, he got angry when the driver behind him began honking at him to move.
That's when he threw the sandwich, and drove off like an immature coward with anger issues.
This attack comes just a few months after four different food-related attacks in Florida.
This past Tuesday, Eldridge proposed a bill that would ban all sales of the 50-year-old doll in the state.
Eldridge says the toys place too much emphasis on physical beauty in the minds of young girls, which lessens the importance of intellectual and emotional development.
I see, so it's Barbie's fault, and NOT the poor school system, the celebrity-obsessed entertainment industry, crappy TV programming, and uninvolved parents that causes a girl to focus on physical beauty instead of school and friendships?
According to WSAZ NewsChannel 3, Eldridge knows the bill will get shot down, but says he introduced it because he wanted to get the conversation started about brains before beauty.
I'll let you make your own jokes about West Virginian politicians and brains. My cup overfloweth at the poss…
British Earl Ordered to Take Out the TrashErik Deckers Laughing Stalk syndicate Copyright 2009
When I lived in Indianapolis, every few days I would often find a couple pieces of trash pitched in my yard by passing motorists. I cleaned them up, and would silently curse the mouth-breathing jerkwads who treated the city streets as their own private trash can. (I also have a few choice words for people who pitch their still-lit cigarette butts out their car window, but that's for another, less family-friendly column.)
I often wished I could find whoever dropped the offending garbage, so I could mail it back to them. Postage due, of course.
It goes without saying that one should not ever associate with, befriend, get to know on a first name basis, or hang out with a serial killer, let alone marry the guy.
Or, you'd think it goes without saying. But apparently, the AdelaideNow newspaper thought it needed saying, so they ran the. Stupidest. Quiz. Ever. (see, it emphasizes how stupid it is if I break it up into three one-word sentences).
Yes - love transcends all boundaries No - his crimes were monstrous Who are we to judge?
So I've been on a number of phone calls on my laptop, using earbuds and a microphone to have a private conversation. And sometimes, if I don't use them, a not-so-private conversation.
I was sitting in the conference room at my employer's office yesterday when the phone on my computer rang. It was the vet's office, asking me about my dog, which my wife had brought in for some persistent diarrhea.
Since I was alone, I hit the button to answer the call.
"Hello?" I said.
The vet introduced himself, said my wife had brought our dog in that morning, and could he ask a few questions. No one was around, and I didn…
In a fit of patriotic support, Dubliner Jason Roe was booking plane tickets on his home country's airline, when he thought he found a glitch in the system that allowed him to book free tickets. So to be helpful to the Irish airline, he wrote about it on his blog, and posted a message to Twitter:
More Ryanair security issues http://tinyurl.com/cbgv7l 8:35 AM Feb 28th from TweetDeck Not too surprisingly, other people tried to repeat what he had done, but without success. Roe later confirmed that he had made a mistake, and actually had to pay for the tickets to begin with.
However, after being made aware of the possible security glitch, Ryanair sent him a nice, polite thank you email, with two free tickets as their show of appreciation for alerting them to the problem.
(Yeah, I'm phoning it in today, but it's freakin' Sunday, and my web traffic drops to 10% of my weekday traffic, so it's not like anyone's around to notice. Check back with me on Monday. But, hey if you're here on Sunday, I really appreciate you. Thanks a lot for stopping by.)
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